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  • The State of Affairs

  • Rethinking Infidelity
  • Auteur(s): Esther Perel
  • Narrateur(s): Esther Perel
  • Durée: 11 h et 57 min
  • 4,8 out of 5 stars (402 évaluations)

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The State of Affairs

Auteur(s): Esther Perel
Narrateur(s): Esther Perel
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Description

Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a groundbreaking and provocative look at infidelity, arguing for a more nuanced and less judgmental conversation about our transgressions.

An affair: It can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the prohibition against it - in fact it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.

So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo, universally forbidden yet universally practiced? For the past 10 years, master therapist Esther Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have been shattered by infidelity. In The State of Affairs she asks, why do we cheat? And why do happy people cheat? Why does infidelity hurt so much? And when we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Is an affair always the end of a marriage?

Affairs, she writes, have a lot to teach us about relationships. They provide unusual insight into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Betrayal hurts, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, Perel argues, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel writes, "Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart."

After listening to Esther read The State of Affairs, continue on as she opens the door to her office and invites you to listen in on actual couple sessions. These are unscripted conversations of real, anonymous couples grappling with infidelity from her Audible Original podcast Where Should We Begin Begin? (courtesy of Audible Originals, LLC). As you enter this raw, intimate space with Esther, we hope you find the vocabulary for the conversations you may wish to have.

©2017 Esther Perel (P)2017 HarperCollins Publishers

Ce que les auditeurs disent de The State of Affairs

Moyenne des évaluations de clients
Au global
  • 5 out of 5 stars
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Performance
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Histoire
  • 5 out of 5 stars
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  • 2 étoiles
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  • 1 étoile
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Filtrer
  • Au global
    5 out of 5 stars
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A Romantic’s View

I have never felt more comforted by vague abstractions of love and its place in sexuality and marriage. This was poetry. I have felt inspired by harsh truths. Esther’s work is all encompassing, balanced, and fair. Her insights into the hearts and minds of people is unprecedented.
Yes, it would seem as though she may wax poetic, but I am entirely appreciative of the soul she brings to her work. Her passion is inspirational. She disregards nothing. It seems her intention is to truly see her clients and honour their individuality.

Please read. Her work has helped me be okay with not knowing what life can bring and what love can be. I’ve felt in the past that I am so anxiously attached to my partners, it’s been an unhealthy journey. Perel’s work has helped me move beyond my boundaries and beliefs around what a relationship should be.

To those of you that might be working with her, I hope you find what you are looking for. Thank you for your stories.

From a twenty something Canadian female.

This is so much more than sex.

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5 les gens ont trouvé cela utile

  • Au global
    2 out of 5 stars
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Disappointing

Although I found the beginning of this book to be quite interesting, I found the ending chapters quite disappointing. The overall conclusion of this book is that non-monogamous arrangements are the solution to infidelity. To me this is akin to saying the cure for obesity is to indulge and eat even more. Controlling sexual impulses is just like controlling the appetite. Sure indulging feels great at first, but over time you sacrifice the character building that only comes from telling your immature amygdala “no” in the face of temptation.

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4 les gens ont trouvé cela utile

  • Au global
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    4 out of 5 stars

Sexy and honest

I’ve been a fan of Perel for a while, but I had only listened to her on podcasts or seen her videos. Her book was fantastic and really got to the heart of the issues that lead to infidelity, plus what happens after its discovery. She was never prescriptive and acknowledged that every relationship was unique, highlighting this with actual couples from her practice. I think that nearly everyone could stand to learn something from this book, regardless of whether there is or will ever be an issue of unfaithfulness in their relationship. I love it when an author reads their own book, especially someone with such a presence as Perel.

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3 les gens ont trouvé cela utile

  • Au global
    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Triggering

The stories were very triggering and almost made it worse for me. Im only half way through though, sometimes you have to open the wounds though to heal them so we will see

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1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Au global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Insightful. Tells it like it is.

Most relationship books tell you what should be. This book tells you what it is. I appreciated her deep understanding and open discussion of the many arrangements and situations people find themselves in. So ithe book can be a bit painful at times, but also illuminating.

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1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Au global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Uncomfortable, compelling and insightful

Performance: I could listen to Esther Perel's voice for hours. I bought this book after listening to the first two seasons of her Podcast. She could be describing a horrifying murder and it would probably still sound sexy. You definitely won't have to worry about cringing through the narration.

Story: I am not going through an affair but I have in the past and am also very interested in people and relationships in general. The stories of real people were the most compelling to me, and she uses these examples throughout. Esther Perel describes unending possibilities for what a "marriage" truly is. She has many interesting thoughts about how the institution of marriage looks completely different through the lenses of different times and cultures. The messages focus on empowerment, reflection, and discovery. Nothing in this book will help you fix the past, but it might help you find a way to consider your past and plan for future in a way that is empowering, reflective, and honest.

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1 personne a trouvé cela utile

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Impactful Mosaic of a Multitude of Considerations.

This book is AMAZING, life-changing even! So relatable and thought-provoking. Such great storytelling, paving the way to vulnerability as I have never experienced before. Such a beautiful gamut of input and perspective! I am not alone; you are not alone; we are not alone! Esther Perel, the author, is also the one reading and her examples, lessons, and thoughts come alive through her voice. I am so, thoroughly, enthralled with this comprehensive work that she has written.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Wise and Empowering.

Her wisdom renews hope for the hopeless, and enables one to think differently. Truly captivating.

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1 personne a trouvé cela utile

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Very eye opening

Esther takes a taboo topic (infidelity) that is often depicted in moral black and white terms and paints for us all of the shades of grey, allowing for a more nuanced, compassionate and understanding conversation.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Illuminating

A must for every therapist. Marriage or otherwise. So much insight in each and every chapter.

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