In today’s episode of The Noon Hour of Madness & Mayhem, Peaches and Viktor go on an absolute sleigh ride through the darkest, weirdest, and most disturbingly educational Christmas music rabbit hole ever recorded.

It all starts with Peaches revealing that Winter Wonderland was written by a guy basically doing Arthur Morgan RP in a hospital bed. From there, the duo spirals into a full breakdown of the most cursed holiday songs in existence — including the unhinged fever dream known as “Christmas With Satan”, and a discussion on why “Baby It’s Cold Outside” might actually be the Bill Cosby Holiday Special nobody asked for.

Then Peaches picks a fight with the entire grunge canon. Red Hot Chili Peppers? Overplayed. Audioslave? Overplayed. Pearl Jam? Never once heard anyone say they like “Better Man.” Viktor immediately drags out a list of actual human beings who adore Pearl Jam just to prove Peaches wrong.

Of course, Peaches then decides to attack all of country music — calling Zach Bryan a campfire guitar guy ruining everyone’s marshmallows, and comparing a flying Garth Brooks to a chubby redneck being launched across a stadium like a drunk cannonball.

When that chaos settles, Viktor brings up a Reddit post where a guy told a coworker she “smelled edible,” leading Peaches to construct the most accurate forensic sketch of a greasy-haired dude in an Alpha Wolf shirt ever created in audio form. That tumbles into a rant about Facebook drama, greasy hair complaints, and whether Peaches should post his brain’s unfiltered thoughts online (spoiler: he absolutely should not).

Finally, the guys talk Thanksgiving horror stories, holiday work schedules, and why at least some places should stay open on holidays—because sometimes you just need a lonely Carl’s Jr. burger to stay alive.

It’s unhinged. It’s chaotic. It’s festive.

Basically: perfect radio.