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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love

Narrated by: Walter Dixon
Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (102 ratings)
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Publisher's Summary

Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.

Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.

In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.

©2010 Amir Levine, M.D., Rachel Heller, M.A. (P)2010 Gildan Media Corp

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Would be better as a book

The contents of Attached are fantastic, but difficult to follow in an audiobook format. Chapters 3 and 4 are questionnaires to be completed by the listener, but I wasn't able to complete them while listening outdoors. The next parts discuss how to interpret questionnaires results, but it was difficult to follow along with because I had not completed the questionnaires yet. I came home expecting to find a [PDF Download] of the questionnaire, but ironically it was not Attached.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Attachment theory simplified

As a therapist, I enjoy finding books that make complex topics accessible for clients. While the authors don't go into details about the other insecure attachment styles (such as fearful-avoidant, and disorganized) and only focus on secure, avoidant and anxious, the book is still eminently relatable and breaks down the reality of attachment conflicts into easy to understand terms with relatable case examples. #Audible1

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • BdE
  • 2018-09-13

Everyone should listen to this book

This is a must read for everyone. If I’d known these things sooner I would likely still be in a loving relationship. As I get older this book is invaluable for understanding how we are and who is right for us.

The only thing I didn’t like is that it makes avoidants sound like jerks. Not all are. Not all act like the high school bully or are so rude.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Rod
  • 2018-07-17

Wonderful book!!!

This book changed my life and also my perspective about love (from someone who never had a boyfriend but only one experience) Thanks for giving me hope again!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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The playback skips

There is something wrong with the audio file that causes the narrator’s voice to skip and miss words or syllables. It is very distracting. Hey

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ok so you think this is another "how to catch....

.....a husband book"? not exactly. it's actually quite insightful into relationships in general. a must read
#Audible1

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Helpful and worth a listen

This book breaks down attachment styles in an easy to understand way. At times it feels a little repetitive but the information is solid and there is so much you can get out of this.
I’d recommend this book to anyone really. When you can identify attachment styles, you have a better understanding of what works and what doesn’t. Also great for self reflection on your own attachment style!

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  • S
  • 2018-08-30

Necessary Reading

Attached has landed into the collection of books I consider 'mandatory human reading.' There is so much presented in this book that will change your outlook both on your self and your past, present, and future partners. The book is packed with cited research studies. The authors simply and articulately explain human nature.

Walter Dixon's performance is excellent and adds a calm and relaxing element to the listen.

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Basic Study

It was well narrated, but I expected something different from the book itself. The study was weak and offered very common knowledge. One chapter offered insight on how to leave a relationship, which was odd given the title.

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Great Read

Definitely something consider when choosing a life partner. This book was helpful for both the commutes and single!

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  • Tamara
  • 2017-09-14

Do not buy the audible version.

Any additional comments?

This book contains a gazillion quizzes and not
one is included as a PDF. The publisher should be ashamed. Do not waste money on the audible version. Purchase the book. The publisher should make the quizzes available to those who already purchased the audible version.

484 of 490 people found this review helpful

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  • Beth
  • Salem, OR, United States
  • 2012-01-01

Need the hardcopy

This is a book with tests and handouts that need to be written in order to use it effectively.

337 of 344 people found this review helpful

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  • michael
  • 2011-11-16

I was constantly frustrated by family! No longer.

This a very simple book to understand. It is geared towards romantic relationships. The knowledge was easily transferred to understand all my relationships.Most important to me was learning that there are three attachment models. The secure attachment group (50% of people) get along well with the other two groups. Anxious attachment group (25% of people) and Avoidance group (25% of people). The anxious and avoidance group appear to gravitate towards each other. For reasons that are explained in book This usually equals misery for both groups. The anxious group crave intimacy especially when feeling insecure. the avoidance group crave distance and will use deactivating tactics to achieve it. There polar opposite needs in relationships can be utterly frustrating. It is so easy to see the differences now that I have listened to the book!! It almost feels like common sense. Having this new knowledge is allowing me to just walk away from needless frustration. Thank you Amir Levine and Rachel S F Hellar for making this book.

109 of 113 people found this review helpful

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  • Amazon's Best Customer
  • 2011-01-20

Love this book

This may be the best audio book I've ever listened to out of hundreds purchased. I've listened to it twice now this week alone. It is scientifically sound and makes reference to studies on nearly every point they make.

One of the great things in this book is that it shows how our current cultures infatuation with the ideal of "independence" is nonsense. We are social animals and depend on our close group of friends, family and of our lover. I've been wondering why I couldn't live up to all the other self help books, "He's Just Not Into You" type.

One of the great concepts I got from this work is how early 20th century notions of child rearing, "let the baby cry and gain independence", still permeate our culture. This book explains that is it perfectly acceptable and reasonable to be dependent on your significant other.

Many tools are given to improving your relationships. Effective communication, assessing your own needs, etc. I can't recommend this work highly enough.

106 of 110 people found this review helpful

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  • Matthew
  • 2012-02-25

Anyone who wants a relationship needs to read this

This book is a life changer. It basically unifies and makes coherent the seemingly random cluster of symptoms that beset a lot of relationships, much to the bewilderment of the participants.

If you want to know why your relationship / your past relationship / other people's relationships are not working, you need to read this book.

Reading this book can be an eerie experience, as you realise that seemingly insignificant or befuddling and previously inexplicable behaviours of yourself or your partner described with unnerving precision, and realise that these behaviours are explained by a coherent theory that offers both an explanation and an indication of what you can do to change your relationship and your life.

Unlike Myers-Briggs personality typing, which seems to ratify every relationship conflict as sourced in differences between divergent by equally 'valid' personality types, this book clearly identifies clusters of behaviours that are conducive to, or conversely anathema to, a successful relationship.

This book will help you identify what you might need to change about yourself, what you might need to convince your partner to try to change about themselves, and people who you need to avoid like the plague. And if your relationship works, it will give you some insight into what you're doing right.

I've already recommended this book or bought it for about 5 people. Read it.

57 of 59 people found this review helpful

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  • Kenneth
  • LEESBURG, VA, United States
  • 2012-02-26

Systematization of learning between 25 and 50

On the one hand this is a systematization of what you should know at 50, but probably didn’t know at 25. That said it’s an excellent book for three reasons: 1) If you look around at 50 year olds, surprisingly many of them didn’t learn all that they should have about relationships. 2) The book connects it’s insights to mainstream structures in psychology, specifically the work on attachment theory started by John Bowlby. 3) In this case the systematization seems especially valuable, creating a framework for everyday life that helps sort through much of the relationship drivel flowing from popular culture.

The book argues that attachment is at the core of adult relationships, and that different adults have distinct attachment styles. It further suggests that the analogy between adult attachment styles and the parent/child attachment style is powerful. The book summarizes these two observations by proposing three main styles: 1) avoidant (or perhaps independent), 2) secure (or perhaps altruistic), and 3) worried (or perhaps needy). Compatibility of styles leads to healthy adult attachments.

The book also suggests a hierarchy of adult compatibility: 0) passion (compatibility at this level tend to be a symptom of deeper things, mattering only in the extreme, e.g., sexual orientation), 1) logistics (compatibility at this level matters, but can typically be negotiated), 2) values (compatibility at this level is pretty core and incompatibilities here are dangerous), 3) intimacy (incompatibilities at this level probably have to be resolved for the relationship to survive).

I thought about picking this as my book of the year for 2012. I wonder if I’ll regret not doing so. Give a copy to a 25 year old; I did. It might shorten their learning process by 20 years.

60 of 64 people found this review helpful

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  • Cindy
  • Weatherford, TX, United States
  • 2011-02-26

Profound Insight to Relationship Roller Coasters

Of dozens and dozens of self help, relationship and social psychology books and articles, adult attachment theory presents a very clear and recognizable picture of self and significant others.

This book could be "tough" to listen to, but necessary to grow, learn, and face the challenges of need, want, intimacy and love.

I listened to Sex at Dawn before this...and it actually was a good background for understanding human need and our species evolution .... We are hard wired for interdependence.

30 of 33 people found this review helpful

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  • Keren
  • San Rafael, CA, United States
  • 2011-04-28

A breath of fresh air

This is the best books on relationships I have ever read. It's not someone's opinion or take on life, it's based on extensive scientific research that gives great validity to the theory. Whenever I read a book that's basically someone's opinion, like "He's not that into you", that's fine and interesting, but really, who's he to say. What makes him an expert? The people that wrote this have empirical data to support their claims and it FITS. It helps me explain my relationship with my ex and why it didn't work, and how, as an anxious type I confuse drama with love. It also explains why I was getting so physically sick during my relationship with my ex, because our significant others, really do effect us physically on a cell level if we are not getting what we need in the relationship. If you are trying to understand relationships with significant others, dating or getting over a breakup - get this book. If you're dating, it'll help explain when to run and when to give another chance. Best credit you'll ever spend.

44 of 49 people found this review helpful

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  • Paul
  • Stoughton, WI, United States
  • 2011-06-21

Incredible insight

This book determines the root causes of issues in relationships and provides constructive suggestions for improving one's approach to romantic relationships. I find this book to be one of the most influential books I've ever read on this subject.

12 of 13 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
  • Dave Maddock
  • Bellevue, WA United States
  • 2011-07-06

Looking for an excuse to get divorced - read this

I tought the book was pretty good. However, I could see this book causing many people to believe they have irreconsilable differences and should divorce their spouse. There are tips for getting over some of the bad attachment matches, but it seems really focused on avoiding those match ups.

He also really favors the insecure attachment style. IE - if your spouse is insecure - it is up to you to make them secure. This is oversimplified thinking and puts a ton of pressure on the other person.

17 of 19 people found this review helpful

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  • Laure Merlin
  • 2018-12-02

giving peace

truly great book, enlightening, uplifting, research based and practical. gave me peace after being puzzled for months about a relationship.

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  • Brice
  • 2018-10-16

life-changing

travail de synthèse important présenté de façon structurée et claire. des concepts simples qu'il est possible de mettre en pratique au quotidien.