Burn the Haystack cover art

Burn the Haystack

Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter

Preview

Audible Standard 1-month free trial

Auto-renews at $8.99/mo + applicable tax after 30-day trial. Cancel Anytime
Try for $0.00
More purchase options

Burn the Haystack

Written by: Jennie Young PhD
Narrated by: Jennie Young PhD, Kiiri Sandy
Try for $0.00

$8.99 a month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for $36.30

Buy Now for $36.30

About this listen

It’s time for a dating revolution! Read by Kiiri Sandy and author Jennie Young. Listen to Jennie’s introduction of her method and her movement, and then hear her sign off the book with a love letter from her.

Part reading from your favorite professor, part conversation with your funniest friend—this is the heart behind the manifesto.


How do you find a needle in a haystack? You burn the haystack to the ground.

Among Dr. Jennie Young’s legion of fans, the “needle” is a long-term, committed partner and the “haystack” is the group of men available to date. So often women are advised to “give the guy a chance,” to take seriously men whose app bios tell women not to take themselves seriously. Young’s refreshing approach to online dating turns this advice on its head: Give almost no one a chance.

A professor of feminist rhetoric, Young teaches people how to decode the hidden meanings in ordinary communication. Fascinated (and frustrated) by the rhetorical gambits she saw in men’s profiles when she first downloaded a dating app, she created Burned Haystack to help other women navigate the nonsense and find their needles.

Young has revolutionized the dating lexicon by identifying common toxic rhetorical patterns in men’s messaging, such as:

  • Test and Apologize: He texts some sexual innuendo, then apologizes before you can
    even respond. He’s testing if you’ll be okay with being objectified. The test is real; the apology isn’t.
  • Disciplinary/Directive: He uses his dating app profile to “lay down the law” with women, which usually turns into abuse down the road. Understanding this pattern will help you disengage from this guy before he ruins your life.
  • Blue Ribbon for Bare Minimum: He opens his bio with “I will never hit you” (shockingly common) or brags about basic adult life skills such as having a job or washing his sheets. Things don’t improve from here.

Young’s engaging system empowers readers to sort through profiles quickly and effectively, preserving both time and sanity. And with its blend of scathing humor and academic rigor, Burn the Haystack is so much more than a dating tool—it gives women the skills to break down communication from the classroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, and the confidence to approach life with a deeper, more powerful level of understanding.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

Communication & Social Skills Love & Romance Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Self-Esteem Dating
All stars
Most Relevant
The only thing about this book that I would have changed is that wanted more of it.

More please

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

The rhetorical patterns explain everything in online dating that always gave me an ick, but I couldn’t explain why.

A must for any feminist seeking men on dating apps

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.