My cheapskate girlfriend got us a "discount" massage and we had to go to this weird man and woman's house that looked like the two bad guys from Home Alone. The short guy did my massage and his fingers and palms were so mushy and soft that I'm pretty sure he had prosthetic hands and they were both just gloves filled with mashed potatoes. It was freakin' disgusting. And he kept cracking his gross knuckles the whole time as if there was something sensual about it, but it just felt like a bunch of carrots breaking. It was absolutely sickening. Oh shoot. Sorry, I'm supposed to be talking about the book. Okay. Here we go. This here fanciful new manuscript is the first ever complete catalog of the greatest story of humanity never told. Our most ancient early ancestors lived in an entirely different way in the early Paleolithic Period. The so called "paleo" lifestyle has become extremely popular now days, but quite frankly, they've gotten it almost completely WRONG. This is why science has always needed the rebels, from Galileo to Goodall. In this book, we will take you to explore some of the simple traditional lifestyles and effortless modes of living that populations have cultivated to extend their youth for entire decades while eloquently living well beyond the age of one hundred in incredible health and vitality, and if that wasn't enough, even massively enhance their brain's innate thinking power, memory, and even its own homegrown supply of natural euphoria.

Nature would never shape an animal in such a way that it didn't absolutely love its own native environment. It may sound hard to believe, but every animal is adaptively tailored to feel at home in their unique habitat and experience many moments of bliss and tranquility. Do you cringe when you hear the claims about where humans came from? Well, that's because those places are NOT where we are really from. Pssst, come closer so I can whisper. There's a reason why humans are so in love with beaches and water....