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Publisher's Summary

"Understand your brain, improve your relationships." That's what Stan Tatkin has learned from his leading-edge work as a researcher and couples therapist. In this complete audio learning program, he merges current insights from neurobiology and attachment theory to help us shift out of conflict and into deeper and more loving connections. Listeners first learn to identify attachment styles - the patterns of intimacy that begin in our earliest years - both in ourselves and in those around us. Then Tatkin guides us through his proven principles and pratices for biliding enduring security and commitment between couples, family members, and othes that we love.

©2013 Stan Tatkin (P)2013 Stan Tatkin

What listeners say about Your Brain on Love

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Great book to understand each other better

This book is excellent for new or mature couples that aren't really feeling connected as they once were. After not being able to put the finger on what was bugging us and discovering what attachment styles are about, we found this book. It has been so enlightening for us both and as long as there is a desire to grow and do better for each other this book will help you put words to feelings and get you to a place that feels new and good again.

3 people found this helpful

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Best relationship advice book ever

Incredibly eye-opening. Highly recommended for any couple. So many things explained that one needs to know. Just wow!

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A book for ALL couples

Regardless of where you are or how happy or dysfunctional your relationship this book will bring everything into focus and get you straight

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Excellent well researched approach to marriages

loved it. finished in 2 sit downs. the author knows his topic and is very engaging in his reading.

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Useful Perspective

Really genuinely presented, I think by the author. Good perspective for couple interactions and how our upbringing influences our adult behaviour. Bits of neurobiology were useful illustrations, but this is not a heavy biochemistry book.

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  • S H
  • 2021-07-18

Would not recommend.

The authors narration was alright and the read was decent overall. However, I did not enjoy the content and thought that the advice given was really poor.

Throughout the chapters, rather than teaching people to improve together, the content suggests enabling people's toxic tendencies and calls it understanding or accepting your partner, in order to make a relationship work. The point that society values and is more accepting of couples than single people was also ridiculous, as he uses a specific example of a couple that commits a criminal act being viewed as less bad than if a single person did the same thing - just ludacris.

I bought this book as it was on sale for $2.50 and was under the impression that it would talk about the science and psychology behind our behaviors on relationships, and was extremely disappointed, even with the great discount.

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  • Martin
  • 2014-08-31

Relationship Essential

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

This book is essential reading for anyone in a relationship whether it's going well or not or how new the relationship is. In fact, I believe everyone would benefit from reading this book.

What did you learn from Your Brain on Love that you would use in your daily life?

I thought I was good at relationships but this book and the attachment theory model has broken down all of my old beliefs and I'm now installing new ones. I've had a paradigm shift and my priorities (values, if you will) have been re-organised. I now see that the relationship is paramount, not the individual. Two people together in a secure functioning relationship can achieve much more with their lives than if they were to operate independently. I will apply what I have learned here and with further study I will become a better man and help my partner feel understood and secure in my love.

25 people found this helpful

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  • CeeCeeBee
  • 2019-05-10

Lacking the female/feminine perspective

Sure, there are some good points about attachment and things to look for when dealing with anxious and avoidant types, however there are a lot of troubling assertions that you should put up with what can be described as abusive and emotional laborious behavior in the name of your partner. Particularly the disparagement of so-called "Islands". The author goes out of his way in the beginning to say "None of these types are 'wrong'", but then spends the rest of the book telling Islands that they are wrong to want to establish boundaries and take time for themselves. According to the author you need to be available 24/7 for your partner, and provide all of your partners needs no matter how damaging it is to your own psyche. If you are in an argument, trying to establish healthy boundaries and take care of your needs, and your partner calls 20 times and leaves long, troubling voicemails in the name of "seeing if the relationship is ok", this is NOT acceptable behavior!

I feel like what this book lacks is the perspective of a woman who has had to deal with being the sole system of support for her male partner. She might seem like an Island because she's fighting for identity and autonomy against a man-child who sucks everything from the atmosphere. The author states that we need to "parent" our partners, but every woman can tell you that it often doesn't go both ways, and she ends up "parenting" just about everyone in her household.

The author does nothing to discuss the need for friends and a social circle outside of the relationship. He says that "Anchors" acknowledge the need for it, but doesn't go into how it should operate. If you're with a "Wave" no amount of time away from them seems reasonable, and according to the author the "Island" should accommodate that. THIS IS DANGEROUS TO WOMEN.

10 people found this helpful

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  • Jenifer
  • 2015-04-06

Interesting concepts but it gets a little silly

This book had some interesting science behind it. The first half focuses on some pretty silly and overly simplified terminology. Are you an island or a submarine or an airplane or a wave?? Dr. Tatkin explains that few people fit into just one category. Even as heuristic devices, they don't really hold water. The second half of the book is worth the wait though. It gives some real insight into ways that the average person can create and maintain a "couple bubble".

6 people found this helpful

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  • Dennis
  • 2014-04-29

Fantastic

Any additional comments?

Stan Tatkin's presentation style grew on me as I listened. He presents information on relationships from several scientific sources in a compelling, engaging and personable way. I listened twice back to back. This is a great resourse for any couple.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Fnavacerrada
  • 2014-01-02

I loved it

It's more psychology than it is neurology but the character types he describes and the interactions between them were very accurate and useful for me

4 people found this helpful

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  • JD
  • 2013-12-21

Life Changing Book

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

For some of us, a stable long-term relationship eludes us and we often wonder why. As a 30 something year old who never had a LTR, I had to come to terms with my "Island" or "Avoidant" attachment style. This book provides you with a slap in the face and you realize, relationships are messy, people are annoying but they can also be rewarding. In this book more than any other book, you learn the acceptance of your partner and realize you are responsible their happiness and well being as much as he or she is responsible for yours. For someone like me who is very guarded and often expect others to rely on themselves this was truly a paradigm shift in the way I looked at human relationships, not just romantic relationships.

What other book might you compare Your Brain on Love to and why?

I listen to "Attached: Thew New Science of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help you Find- And Keep Love" by Rachel Heller and Amir Levine. That was a good book and if you have sometime, I would recommend listening or reading that book first to get a good understanding of Adult Attachment Style. However "Your Brian on Love" really for me knocks it out of the park by giving you a solid framework and tool to make any relationship where both parties are interested in making it work the instructions to have a secure stable relationship.

What does Stan Tatkin bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

The author Stan Tatkin read the book. At first his voice can come off as irritating because of his accent but I quickly warmed up to it. His voice has a certain warmth that envelopes you. The way he read he book made me feel like we were friends and he was giving some sage wisdom on a nice summer evening on the porch.

8 people found this helpful

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  • mgrubi
  • 2018-06-26

Promotes victimism

This book basically states that we are all screwed up from our childhood in one way or another. We are victims of poor parenting and therefore it becomes our spouse's responsibility to take care of us in our broken state. I fundamentally disagree. We are not victims. Rather we can count the blessing we have, become whole people on our own, and then we can be a healthy partner.

7 people found this helpful

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  • Mireille
  • 2015-12-06

Perfect for me! And so many of us...

This book is all I needed it to be. It puts into words many thoughts and feelings and experiences I had and have. Based on sound neuroscience and biology I can relate to, it explained to me attachment styles in a thorough but yet simple way and wrapped everything together which was very enlightening to me. The author / narrator as a very pleasant voice and reading style. Thank you so very much for this gift of a book ! Highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning about him or herself as an individual as well as partner.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Laila
  • 2013-08-25

Definitely Worth a Read!

What did you like about this audiobook?

I liked how it was so simple and easy to follow, and also based on studies of logic and neurobiology rather than all the emotional stuff only.

How has the book increased your interest in the subject matter?

Definitely, I'm willing to read more about relationships from a more practical side, and to look into how people think in general.

Does the author present information in a way that is interesting and insightful, and if so, how does he achieve this?

Yes, it's easy, and very simple, so it keeps one interested the whole time.

What did you find wrong about the narrator's performance?

Nothing bothered me.

2 people found this helpful

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  • timothy
  • 2013-12-20

Awesome!

What made the experience of listening to Your Brain on Love the most enjoyable?

This book helped me understand so much more about my life, love, and what I can and cant' do. It was fun to listen to and easy to follow.

What about Stan Tatkin’s performance did you like?

Perfect cadence, very clear, super easy to understand. I listened to most parts twice.

1 person found this helpful