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It's Not You
- Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
- Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Length: 11 hrs and 31 mins
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Publisher's Summary
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism
AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently?
As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.
Deeply compassionate and revelatory, It’s Not You examines how narcissists hijack our wellbeing and offers a healing path forward. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching, and helping clients navigate the landscape of narcissism, Dr. Durvasula unpacks the oft-misunderstood personality, showing how to identify the telltale signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist and protect yourself from their toxic influence. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep us stuck in these cycles, grieve the losses, create realistic boundaries, learn the fine art of discernment, and recover your sense of self after years of invalidation.
Healing and thriving after or even during a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but it is possible. It's Not You shows that the first step is to stop trying to change the narcissistic person, stop blaming yourself, and start giving yourself permission to foster your autonomy and sense of self outside of this relationship.
What the critics say
“A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”–Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The High Five Habit and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast
“Dr. Ramani has written the book on narcissism for our times, not simply because it upends everything we thought we knew about this personality, but because it gives real people a sense of hope…that they can heal, that they can move forward from these relationships, that it’s not you.”–Maria Shriver
“In writing It's Not You, Dr. Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realize it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”–W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
What listeners say about It's Not You
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Georgiana L.
- 2024-04-04
A great psychological bandage
I have listened to this book together with a lot of other resources from Dr. Ramani and many others as I have gone through my healing. I went through so many other resources that I wasn’t sure I wanted to get it, although it had been advertised in so many interviews with her. But in one of those excruciatingly painful evenings, I decided to take this too. And I am so glad I did. Other resources tell you everything you can possibly learn about narcissism, and that’s great, in fact I think it’s good to have some understanding of narcissism before you read this book. But none brought me the peace and hope that this specific book did…
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- CookieLopez
- 2024-04-28
The definitive resource on narcissistic abuse
If you've been a victim of narcissistic abuse, suspect you have, or just want to learn what it is, this is the book for you. The author lays out what NPD is, how it manifests, the various types of narcissistic abuse, how it affects the victim, how to manage or address it, and the steps to healing.
Her descriptions are so accurate it's like she's been peering in my window. It's a very accessible book, filled with examples to make understanding easier. It was so good I often found it triggering and difficult to listen to, but in the best way possible because it so accurately reflected my experiences.
The author narrates the book herself with her strong, compassionate voice which makes it a pleasure to listen to.
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- Me
- 2024-04-02
100000% worth it!!!
This is a book I'll listen to over and over again. So much helpful and insightful information. Straight forward and to the point. I love the work that Dr. Ramani does!
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- Taylor
- 2024-03-22
Amazing information from Ramani as always
Very informative - I always learn something even though I regularly consume a her content of various mediums, as well as other creators’ content on narcissism and have been studying the psychological research for several years now (meaning a lot of information from many is repetitive all across the internets but Ramani never fails to teach me something new . Thank you for always have a piece of information that hasn’t been widely spoken about before.
I must add, the fact she narrates her own books is such a bonus! I so much prefer the actual author to be reading their own book so I totally love that she went that direction! Would be silly not to. You’re an influencer now and also happen to be the most well known and respected, I believe, in this niche
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- Amazon Customer
- 2024-03-03
A must read
This book changes everything. It’s the truth of our experience. It validates and educates. It will save lives.
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- Crockford
- 2024-03-15
it's well laid out and it's informative.
felt very validated. There were a lot of connections with my childhood. Helped me to really understand that it wasn't my fault. I was not nor am I to this day a bad kid. Also helps me to maintain somewhat of a relationship with my narcissistic parent, without being surprised or hurt by their words
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- Badonk
- 2024-04-20
Gives comfort through relatable content
A must read for anyone who has ever experienced narcissistic abuse. It can feel so lonely and confusing, to the point of debilitating sadness and just pain. This not only eases those feelings but provides helpful ways of processing and moving on.
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- Atosa
- 2024-02-23
Wonderful!
As usual, Dr. Ramani's wisdom and her own soothing and articulate reading of her book has been tremendous help. This book provides so much in terms of validation and healing that I believe I'll need to listen to it numerous times while taking notes. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
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- Rose
- 2024-02-27
Best book I’ve read on narcissist abuse recovery!
This book is a MUST read if you are struggling to heal from narcissistic abuse! I’ve read many books and THIS book even years later made me realize I still haven’t healed! Thank you!
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- Anonymous User
- 2024-04-24
Dr. Ramani is the best
She is the best. She makes me feel less alone and gives such a good understanding of narcissism
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