This was my journey, throughout the years of enduring deception by manipulation that contributed to me falling into a brain fog that led me into a downward spiral. My husband was cunning and knew just how to persuade me and alter who God created me to be. For fifty years he led me down a negative pathway, of what could have been the road of no return. Continuing in my cloudy behavior would have killed me, but Jesus intervened, showing me HIS truth that set me free!

I realize now that my experiences will help others understand that having “love” in a marriage is not always enough, especially when it is one-sided. Had I known how to identify “red flags” in my relationship I would not have become an enabler that fed the appetite of a methodical manipulative narcissist.

My husband had no intentions to acknowledge, nor celebrate fifty years of marriage, in 2023. I thought he would be willing to go outside of his comfort zone to plan and pay for a romantic trip to Aruba. That would have been the perfect occasion for him to express love through actions, showing he valued me. That one act of love would have ignited emotions of passion in me, and hope for a brighter future, in my marriage. Sadly, to say, if it had not been for my efforts, we would not have done anything for our fiftieth anniversary.

Not even a month after our anniversary, my daughter and I fled eleven-hundred miles to get away from the abusive actions of a dysfunctional, cowardly, selfish, manipulative, double-minded husband. A wife and daughter’s expectation, from the head of the household, should be to protect them from all forms of harm or danger. A husband should never, under any circumstances condone another man to take control of his domain, nor mistreat and abuse the women in his home.

I fell deeply in love with my husband thinking it would last a lifetime. I thought we would bring out the best in each other, but this was not true for me. Unfortunately, meaningful manifestations of love in my marriage were exceedingly rare. I asked myself if our union was more of a codependent relationship instead of true love. He made little effort to put in the work necessary to have a successful marriage.

My husband never put any effort into discovering my love languages, to fulfill them. Lord knows I bought tons of books on this subject. I made sure I knew what his love languages were and implemented them. There were times I tried to discuss my love languages, but he was never receptive. My husband placed me in the forefront of our marriage, I thought I was doing the right thing, as a helpmate. Unknowingly my marriage was completely out of order, unbalanced, without boundaries. I found myself taking the lead and control of every situation that arose, which included funding our vacations and family entertainment.

Unfortunately for me, I was always taking the lead. I wanted my husband to be the solid rock for the family, instead of having me on the frontline, taking every hit that came my way. My husband manipulated me into becoming the foundation, rock, and builder for what existed in our marriage and family.

Authoring this book has been tremendous healing therapy, each day has gotten easier, and my stress has disappeared. This book would have been a novel, had I shared every twist and turn that took place in my marriage. I did not talk to my husband for two months after I left him. I am now in a good space where I have forgiven him, for his lack of effort about our marriage. I have no malice in my heart towards my husband since we are not divorced, only separated. Reflecting on fifty years of marriage, bound and blind deceived by manipulation has made me a wiser person. The years of experience matured me for what God has in store for me in future.