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What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.

Sex Addiction is handled very differently between the cultures. Shame plays out differently between cultures. 'Shame' in Asian culture, is very different to 'Shame' in Western European culture.

An interesting article by Sam Louie, discusses Asian 'Shame' and 'Honour' as a cultural conundrum:

"...Honoring his Korean heritage while also trying to honor his sense of autonomy growing up. He saw getting help as bringing dishonor to his family and not an act of empowerment...Seeking help for addictions...is seen as a major umbrage to the Asian individual, family, and extended Asian community.

....when it comes to addictions, there is scant attention given to Asians. Part of the limited attention lies in the age-old Asian custom of secrecy, silence, and shame. From an Asian addict’s perspective, it’s the ultimate blow of humiliation to be seen as weak since having an addiction goes against Asian social norms...

...The mere acknowledgement of an Asian person having a problem is going against cultural norms because it sends the implicit message to others that you have let them down....internal shame in Korea comes when a person has not lived up to the community’s rules and expectations. This internal shame is very prevalent among Asians and Koreans. It functions to build group harmony and unity.”

In addition, Asian shame is intricately tied to the fear of rejection and loss of both familial and cultural community support...is more profoundly associated with the fear that one’s inadequacies will result in the loss of union with or expulsion from the group”.

“Chinese parents readily discuss and disclose children’s transgressions in front of strangers to induce shame and to socialize children to behave properly…given the greater valuation of shame in collectivist cultures compared to individualistic ones, it should not be surprising that in many East Asian and other collectivist contexts shame plays a more salient role in everyday life.”

...in shame-based cultures, public humiliation, scorn, or censure are relied upon more heavily to keep individuals in obedience whereas the western notion of guilt and corrective behaviors comes from an individual’s development of an internal conscience."

Remember, 'Shame' means hide/hidden - don't get caught or be found out.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

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Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

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