Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where this week the champagne takes over and causes us to have a full breakdown of why TJ Maxx is a hostile environment.

We kick things off with Riley’s attempt at a “new year, new me” era that lasted exactly one treadmill session before he nearly launched himself through the wall and decided the couch was a safer long-term investment. From there, we spiral into Cracker Barrel’s attempted rebrand (which should’ve constituted jail time), why some things should never be modernized, and the deep emotional attachment to biscuits served by someone with at least five stars on their apron.

Somewhere in the middle, we debate Landon’s strict office hours, why phone calls feel like a personal attack, and how Riley manages to call 12–14 times a day and still get ignored. There are also strong opinions about never leaving the apartment, DoorDash being a lifestyle choice, and whether opening your blinds counts as going outside.

We also get into apartment life, including neighbors who refuse to close their blinds, a dog that sounds like it could end your life, and a bird that won’t shut up. Like seriously y’all what are we doing. Let the guy fly away.

And because no topic is too small, we end up in a very heated argument about TJ Maxx, thrift stores, Walmart behavior, and why if you don’t put things back where you found them, you might be the problem.

And don’t fret, we answered your burning questions for Cousin Counsel and yet again y’all make us question if you guys have lost your sanity.

Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

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