"The girls are worried about Lauren. She’s saying things that are scaring them.” These two text messages from my best friends began a chain of events that led to us being blindsided by suicide. Our 14-year-old daughter made her attempt at ending her life in our bedroom and succumbed to her injuries seven hours later. My bright, beautiful, talented, brave, funny, and serious daughter was gone. No one saw it coming.

First, came the questions: What if I hadn’t gotten upset with her that morning? What signs did I miss? How would we ever be the same? Why did this happen? When did things go wrong? 

Then, the regrets. If only I had heeded their warning sooner. If only I had skipped the shopping trip and stayed home. If only I had seen the signs. But what if there wasn’t a sign to be seen? We were simply blindsided.

During the first year of grief, my husband, my 19-year-old daughter, and I took on a “new normal” with the help and support of our family and friends and a renewed faith in God. From the first posts on Facebook and texts from family and friends, we felt blessed beyond measure.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isiah 41:10)

In this book, I share with you my story of survival through finding a purpose in our daughter’s life and death. Almost immediately, I knew that this book would be written to both heal me and also give other survivors of suicide loss reassurance that they, too, will be okay. From writing a poem to developing a scholarship to raising awareness, we found our purpose in the grief. And I hope my listeners will find their purpose, too.