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Fawning

Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves--and How to Find Our Way Back

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Fawning

Auteur(s): Ingrid Clayton
Narrateur(s): Ingrid Clayton
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À propos de cet audio

 From a clinical psychologist and expert in complex trauma recovery comes a powerful guide introducing fawning, an often-overlooked piece of the fight-flight-freeze reaction to trauma—explaining what it is, why it happens, and how to help survivors regain their voice and sense of self.

Most of us are familiar with the three F's of trauma—fight, flight, or freeze. But psychologists have identified a fourth, extremely common (yet little-understood) response: fawning. Often conflated with “codependency” or “people-pleasing,” fawning occurs when we inexplicably draw closer to a person or relationship that causes pain, rather than pulling away.

  • Do you apologize to people who have hurt you?
  • Ignore their bad behavior?
  • Befriend your bullies?
  • Obsess about saying the right thing?
  • Make yourself into someone you’re not . . . while seeking approval that may never come?

You might be a fawner.

Fawning explains why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems so obvious to others that we should go. And though fawning serves a purpose—it’s an ingenious protective strategy in unsafe situations—it’s a problem if it becomes a repetitive, compulsory reaction in our daily lives.

But here’s the good news: we can break the pattern of chronic fawning, once we see it for the trauma response it is. Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work—as well as a lifetime of experience as a recovering fawner herself—Dr. Ingrid Clayton demonstrates WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning (including taking blame, conflict avoidance, hypervigilance, and caretaking at the expense of ourselves), and WHAT we can do to successfully “unfawn” and finally be ourselves, in all our imperfect perfection. Amour et romance Communication et habilités sociales Développement personnel Relations Émotions
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When your book launched just a few days or maybe a couple of weeks ago, now, I was beyond excited that the audiobook was available immediately also; thank you! I purchased it right away and began listening, and couldn’t wait for each opportunity to continue. The flow and every aspect of your book felt as though it included me. I’ve never felt so connected and inspired to continue on this lifelong journey of healing, discovery, and learning.
I could write pages of praise for this book and for the honour it is to learn of the lived experiences of each of the people’s journeys, including your own, that are recounted throughout.
Prior to reading your book, I would have put off writing a review, and felt guilty about it, would have eventually drafted something, only to never post it, letting my striving for perfection win. I had no idea that Fawning was at the root of so much of my life.
I’ve resisted the strong urge to seek the input of a friend or AI to help me write this review. I’ve allowed the physical sensations to rise, linger, and pass, now having a new understanding of just what is going on inside. This is the beginning of a new way of being in the world. It’s the start of taking up space! Thank Y💗U!
PS. I will be ordering a print version also, as there’s SO much hi-lighting and flagging to do 🤗

Hallelujah! And, a million thank YOU’s, Dr. Ingrid Clayton 💗

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