Why Did That Happen? Aristotle Has Four Answers and None of Them Are Helpful is your brutally sarcastic, surprisingly educational crash course in Aristotelian philosophy—specifically his theory of causality, aka why things happen according to a man who thought everything, including acorns and chairs, had a spiritual destiny.

In this delightfully vicious breakdown of Aristotle’s metaphysics, Sophia Blackwell (author of Kant You Not) drags you through the Four Causes—material, formal, efficient, and final—with all the reverence of a philosopher who’s had enough. Whether it’s trees yearning to be trees, tables having identity crises, or humans trying to find meaning while simultaneously sabotaging themselves, this book dissects Aristotle’s ancient framework with modern sarcasm and a side of existential dread.

Inside, you’ll get:

• A roast of Aristotle’s greatest hits: substance, essence, and metaphysical overkill
• Why your coffee mug apparently has purpose and moral character
• How causality shows up in nature, ethics, AI, and your inability to commit
• A final cause that dares to ask if you have one (spoiler: Aristotle thinks you should)
• And a walk through the philosophical ruins of teleology, where purpose and pretension meet

Perfect for philosophy students, intellectual masochists, or anyone who’s ever asked “Why did that happen?” and gotten four wildly overcomplicated answers in response.
This is not your professor’s Aristotle. This is Aristotle, but make it bearable.