we both chased lean via fat loss only

holding ourselves to the scale

You’re not going to calorie deficit your way to your dream body. That tight, lean, sculpted look you want? It comes from adding lean muscle tissue, not just shedding weight. Most women are stuck chasing smaller scale numbers and feeling stuck when their body doesn’t actually change. They think they need to lose more fat to look better. What they actually need is more muscle to fill out the shape they want—especially in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. If you want curves, if you want definition, if you want to feel strong in your body? That doesn’t come from less. It comes from building.

You will need multiple long building phases—not just one.

One 12-week bulk isn’t going to cut it. A few months of eating more while doing booty band workouts won’t give you the lean athletic look you want. You’re going to need multiple building seasons, each at least 6–12 months long. And that’s before you even cut. Sarah said it took her 2+ years of consistent building to see a real physique change. This is not a one-and-done strategy. It’s a layered, repeated commitment—and you will need patience, a plan, and a hell of a lot of consistency.

Most women are stuck dieting in their heads, even when they’re not technically in a deficit.

You’re eating cucumbers and calling it lunch. You’re still thinking every meal needs to be low-calorie, low-fat, and tracked within an inch of its life. Even in maintenance, you’re mentally dieting. That mindset is killing your progress. If you’re living like you’re dieting—you’ll never feel free. And if you’re mentally restricting, you’ll never fully commit to building. Your body reflects the beliefs you still hold. And if those beliefs are stuck in the 1200-calorie, WW points, clean eating era? Your body will be too.

for me ..... the problem was I still didn’t look good naked. I didn’t have a more defined body. I had to fatloss and feel really restricted, my training suffers, my sleep……. So I was stalling my own potential to add more muscle. I never learned how to trust myself to be back on track rather than thinking I need to diet every time the scale goes up 5-7 lbs. I never practiced adherence and redirection. I just used the bandaid of fatloss.Well that sht got in my way.I wasn’t enhancing my physique. I wasn’t recomping much.I was frustrated as hell about how much “work” I was doing for very small ROI.