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Page de couverture de 7.15 Healing the Villains: Reflections on the Evasive Expert, Righteous Bully, & Obedient Critic

7.15 Healing the Villains: Reflections on the Evasive Expert, Righteous Bully, & Obedient Critic

7.15 Healing the Villains: Reflections on the Evasive Expert, Righteous Bully, & Obedient Critic

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 Kristina and Anna unpack how the Inner Villain system shows up in everyday life: time blindness, rule-set clashes, obsessive “fixing,” and the loneliness of divide-and-conquer living. Kristina shares how mold, town history, and nervous-system patterns mirrored the Evasive Expert arc—and the practical “FUNNY” framework she and Luke use to slow down, reconnect, and shift out of overthinking. Anna explores the Righteous Bully, Obedient Critic, Nothing (Invisible Destroyer), and Eternal Child dynamics in relationships, with concrete tools for timing difficult conversations. Together they sketch common pairings between villains, why some arcs magnetize each other, and how to convert shadow patterns into serviceable strengths.Chapter Markers00:00 Checking in: ego death, gratitude as daily practice02:23 Why the Villain work feels more useful than “primal wounds” alone04:58 Anti-heroes and arcs: we’re rarely pinnacle villains for long05:58 What is time blindness and how it strains relationships08:49 Calendar blindness vs time blindness09:58 Time for mortals: insights from Four Thousand Weeks (Oliver Burkeman)11:58 Estimation traps, executive function, and project-management “laws”13:58 Tools: timers, delayed conversations, and tech to protect relationships15:00 The Evasive Expert must slow down: decompression blocks and focus holds16:48 Safety, protection, and the urge to “fix it now”18:00 Cities, homes, couples as arcs; mapping a house as Evasive Expert21:45 Diagnostic combos: how 7-8-9 become “advanced” villains24:50 Obedient Critic rabbit holes and living by rule sets27:15 Laws of nature over personal rules; the Law of Procession31:40 Case study: two Obedient Critics and the family rule set clash33:50 Couples and houses as Villain ecosystems39:00 The FUNNY framework to invert the Evasive Expert44:10 Golden Hour: shared effort to reduce isolation50:10 Righteous Bully with the Nothing: common pairing patterns54:15 Other frequent pairings and why they happen58:40 Meme break: naming the villains with humor1:03:10 Working with parts: IFS, deconditioning, and flipping subtypes1:06:15 Homework and next episode: communicating with each villainKey Concepts & ToolsTime Blindness vs Calendar BlindnessTime blindness: difficulty perceiving passing minutes and sequencing tasks.Calendar blindness: difficulty tracking dates, planning horizons, and overlaps.Villain Arcs (selected)Obedient Critic (OC): lives by rigid rule sets; seeks correction and order. Legend: Equalizer.Vengeful Martyr (VM): over-gives to earn belonging; nourishes, then resents.Eternal Child (EC): entitled to care; toggles anxious/avoidant; covert romantic.Righteous Bully (RB): fusion of VM + OC; imposes “right” for safety and control.Evasive Expert (EE): over-intellectualizes, compartmentalizes; feelings drive from underground.Invisible Destroyer / The Nothing (ID): EE + Divisive Immortal; withdrawal, disappearance.Hungry Shapeshifter (HS): attention-seeking blend of Vain Controller + Eternal Child.Common Pairings (why they attract)RB + ID (Nothing): control/pursuit meets withdrawal; each amplifies the other.VM + EC: Wendy and Peter; nourishment meets eternal dependency.EE + Divisive Immortal: logic and safety bind; loyalty sustains low intimacy.HS + ID/EE: performance pairs with a quieter partner who recedes.Practical ToolsTimers & Alarms: outsource time perception to protect relationships.Deferred Conflict Scheduling: drop a calendar note to discuss when regulated.Decompression Blocks: 15-minute buffers after sessions to downshift.Golden Hour: whole-family or couple co-work on one project to restore “together energy.”Framework: FUNNY (to invert the Evasive Expert)F — Free: create time and space to slow down.U — United: do unpleasant tasks together; reduce divide-and-conquer loneliness.N — Nuanced: reject all-or-nothing; find middle paths.N — Natural: return to body signals and instinct, not just cognition.Y — You: keep it personal and present; ask, “Is this funny?” as a shorthand check.Quotes“You don’t save your kid from pain. You help them become the leader of their own system.”“The Evasive Expert can’t think its way out. It has to slow down.”“Repetition isn’t punishment. It’s practice.”“Have a honey-driven life. Purpose arrives at 90 degrees.”References & MentionsOliver Burkeman, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for MortalsInternal Family Systems (IFS) for working with partsLaw of Procession (purpose arrives indirectly)Loki (Marvel), Vision, Agatha as archetypal studies of time and shadowMarshall Thurber TedxTalk MelbourneTakeawaysIdentify whether your issue is time blindness, calendar blindness, or both. Choose tools accordingly.When you feel the urge to correct, schedule the talk instead. Protect the bond first.Map your home, town, or relationship as an arc. Ask what gift already emerged from the “problem.”Use FUNNY to invert overthinking into connection.Diagnose pair...
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