At the core of neglect trauma is loss. Even loss of what was perhaps never there in the first place, but should have been. This week we will talk about two topics that rarely get spoken of: one's intimate sexual life, and aging. We will touch on both of these often secret or uncertain worlds, that way too often are navigated alone, or with a measure of shame.

On the subject of aging and shame, when you watch the video you will see I have not one but two senior moments! Where my mind goes blank! Here is everything I could not remember!

The 6 Principles: Consent, Non-exploitation, Honesty, Shared Values, Protection from Sexually-Transmitted Infections, Pleasure.

My Golden Rule: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, who what good am I? If not now, when? Now go and study!

Sallie Foley's Book: Sex & Love for Grownups: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of Passion.

Hope Will Not Be Cancelled

Healing from trauma and neglect can feel endless, and in a way it really is. Not infrequently, and even after all these years, I am humbly reminded: “Oh there it is again.” The experience of time standing still, emptiness, is a signature of the neglect experience. In a universe of nothing, nothing changes, which is why waiting and boredom are so excruciating and unbearable to survivors of neglect. It feels like deadness. There is no future.

The state of the world is so bleak these days. Here it is, a new year. I wondered what can I talk with you about today? I remembered back in the early Pandemic days, it seemed as if time stood still. It was unreal. Solitary confinement is an internationally recognized form of torture and we were all virtually in it. It seems like a distant dream now. It did pass. And so will this.

During COVID, things were getting cancelled right and left. I remember coming across the slogan Hope Will Not Be Cancelled. It was heartening to me, and I made a sticker of that slogan and pasted it all over everything. I figured that would be our topic for today. Please be sure to listen to the song today. It really says it better than anything I could. And let’s stay connected and keep hope alive.

The winter holiday season can be a time of joy and celebration for some, and for those with histories of trauma and neglect, it may very well be a time of particular pain and loneliness. Where I live there is a (to me) overblown culture of consumerism and consumption, with great emphasis put on buying and giving things, gifts.

For those of us with histories of trauma and neglect, or the specific trauma of poverty, there may be even more distorted meanings around giving and getting.

I always somehow imagined or dreamed that I would get something really special that would show me I was special, that I was worth something; or that I might be sufficiently known to receive something I would like.

Giving gave me a way to at least for a minute, feel appreciated, even if it was not really me that was appreciated, but the material gift.

Giving and receiving can be particularly fraught for survivors of neglect. That is the theme of this week's video.

Finally, few words about hope:

I had the privilege of going to hear revolutionary icon Angela Davis speak. She is now 82. Davis was a champion of the US Black Power Movement of the 1970's. It meant a lot to me that she of all people, is hopeful!

Best wishes of the season to all!

And hope for the year to come!