Épisodes

  • 20 - Getting Kids in Bed On Time and to Stay There

    20 - Getting Kids in Bed On Time and to Stay There
    Jan 31 2023
    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. How would you like to have your children in bed on time most nights and to STAY in bed? Then you're going to enjoy listening to the solutions I have to offer in this episode. It's bad enough that we parents are soooo tired at the end of the day. And if the bedtime routine that you've been dealing with, seems to go on for hours, parenting in your home could be a nightmare with endless yelling. As in most pareting tips that I offer, success with your kids means setting things up in advance is key. Successful routines start with rules, boundaries and patterns that children can follow. So when you're creating routines, you'll be more successful with your children if you practice them with the kids in advance and as often as you can. Children learn by watching and then participating in somewhat of a practice or make believe mode. You won't be very successful if you suddenly spring a change on them without warning. It's normal for them to resist because change feels uncomfortable for them. It's uncomfortable for anyone, even adults. So you'll be more successful with anything you've learned in this podcast if you set up practice runs with the kids so they will expect new routines to happen. In this episode I'm reading a chapter from my book, Love, Limits & Lessons: A Parent's Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids. It's available in paperback, kindle and now on Audible. Whether children should be allowed to sleep in bed with their parents or in their own is a personal choice for the adults involved. I can quote experts and present evidence-based data to support both sides of this discussion. This article offers suggestions for those parents who have decided not to practice family bed sharing and who need help in getting the kids to their own beds and remain there. Bedtime can be a very stressful time of day for families. Parents and children come together after a tiring day of work or school and yearn to reconnect with each other. While parents do want that reconnection, they also see an evening full of tasks that must be attended to before they can truly unwind and relax. But with all those dinner, homework and cleanup tasks that must be accomplished, it becomes difficult to allow that reconnection to occur as it should. Oftentimes, the children feel frustrated, sensing that their caregivers aren’t there 100%, so they express the frustration even further through misbehavior and a lack of cooperation. When bedtime arrives, it can take an hour or more just to get the kids into bed and to remain there. By the time they do, parents are exhausted and dreading having to do it all again tomorrow night. Keep in mind that children don’t like to go to bed because it means the end to their day and more importantly, the end to their time with parents. They also seem to have this sense that a party begins once they are put to bed and don’t want to miss out, so they will do whatever they can to delay it. To help with this process, here are 10 things parents can do to make bedtime work more effectively. Six Preparation Steps for the New Bedtime • Allow your child to find some way of personalizing her room. From picking out a new lamp shade to an entirely new paint scheme, letting her be as creative as possible will help her feel as though the room really belongs to her. • Keep bedtime consistent and on time. Determine what bedtime will be going forward and announce it to the children. If an event or activity causes a late night, don’t let the plan fall apart. Reinforce the boundary the following evening and keep moving forward. • Create a checklist of all bedtime activities that must be completed in the half hour or hour prior to bedtime. Allow them to help you make the list and then post it for all to see. For toddlers and preschoolers, create large drawings or cutouts to represent each activity and tape them at the child’s eye level on a wall in sequence. • Minimize the number of toys kept in the children’s bedroom. They are able to fall asleep best when there are few distractions in their rooms. • Avoid allowing your children to have entertainment electronics such as televisions, DVD players, computers, or video games in their bedrooms. • Purchase a visual timer to manage the schedule of bedtime activities. Four Steps for Implementing the New Process • On the day you decide to begin the new process for bedtime, make an official announcement that you’re going to do some different things at bedtime tonight. Be sure to get to the kids eye level and use an exciting tone of voice when announcing the change. Say to them, “Starting tonight, once you’re ready for bed and I have tucked you in, I can’t speak to or look at you until morning.” For younger children, ...
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    14 min
  • 19 - Handling Messy Rooms and Too Many Toys

    19 - Handling Messy Rooms and Too Many Toys
    Jan 8 2023
    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. One of those challenging behaviors really drove ME crazy until I figured it out what to do about it. So how would you like some solutions to help you deal with your kids messy room and too many toys? In order for this to happen, I first need to get you to consider the fact that children don't naturally understand the importance of being organized and structured. They have to learn this over time, some of it from the adults caring for them and a whole lot more organically on their own. It takes time for them to develop this skill and it takes lots of patience on the part of the adults caring for them. One day I had had it with my daughter's messy room. I couldn't stand walking by the doorway to her room every day and seeing all the chaos. As I did, I remembered how my parents forced me to clean my room and I hated that they did that. I was punished for the messy room and all I thought about was how much I hated my parents. I felt like the condition of my room was more important than our relationship. So I knew I didn't want to become my parents and start yelling at her. One family member use to go into their child's room when she was at school and box up all of her things, leaving her with an empty room. She would then get them all back after a 2-week span of time. I didn't think very much about that technique and didn't want to do that either. So, I waited for a moment when I felt like I could remain calm and when my daughter seemed like she was open to learning or at least open to hear me. I got her to sit at the table with me and I used the old I FEEL _________ WHEN _________ communications technique that we used at the office. I said, "Honey, I feel really stressed out whenever I have to look into your room and see all of the mess. What could you do to help me with this problem." I was totally amazed when she said, "I'll keep my door closed." Now, that didn't solve the messy room problem, but it did solve my feeling stress problem, so I accepted it. The solution she offered wasn't ideal, but I was OK with it. It was a good start because I was a firm believer that her room belonged to HER and not to me. Some parents demand that all their kid's bedroom doors remain open so they can monitor what's going on, but I never had to worry about that. We had already established house rules that no food or entertainment electronics were allowed in bedrooms, including cell phones, tablets and laptops. After we implemented the new, THE DOOR IS KEPT CLOSED WHEN IT'S MESSY rule, there were obviously times when I saw that it was open, and the room wasn't cleaned up. So, I would use the ONE WORD REMINDER rule when I saw it... I would say "DOOR." She would huff and puff and growl, and sometimes even blurt out, "Oh my gosh Dad, this is so stupid!" She would then go close her door. While we're on this reminder technique, I urge all parents to talk less when the need to remind arises. Instead of saying, "Jason, how many times do I have to tell you to go hang your jacket up. There are children in foreign countries who would love to have a jacket as nice as yours and look how you abuse yours and leave it laying around for others to step on." I had to add that KIDS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES thing as a reminder of how we tend to guilt our kids into doing some things. Anyway, instead of yelling at Jason to hang his Jacket up, I tell parents to say use one word.... JACKET. If they've left their book bag laying in the middle of room, calmly say, "Jason, BOOK BAG." When I started using this one-word technique, my kids would mimic me and repeat what I had said, but in a sassy tone. I ignored it and they put the book bag away. But if you make an issue of the sassiness, they are going to love it because it affected you and it made them feel powerful over you in that moment. If your kids do it to you, just ignore it, don't give their response any value. If you listened to episode 15, I featured an excerpt from a live workshop with a room full of parents and teachers, eager to learn how to manage challenging behaviors. I was delivering my 10 IRREFULTABLE FACTS ABOUT KIDS workshop and in that episode segment, the topic was the challenge of transitioning children quicker and easier. That kids have NO time management skills. In this episode I offer the 2nd excerpt from that recording and the 2nd irrefutable fact. It's that kids are messy and disorganized, and forcing them or punishing them will not help them develop that skill any quicker. It will only destroy your relationship with them. Let's go over a few helpful tips related to disorganized habits with our kids and how to help them transition: - Their bedroom belongs to them, not to you. Allow them to have that place they can go to for privacy and safety - Allow them to ...
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    18 min
  • 18 - How to Teach Children to be Kind to Others

    18 - How to Teach Children to be Kind to Others
    Jan 1 2023

    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. By listening to this creating cooperative kids podcast, you'll learn techniques for getting your kids to cooperate with you and the result will be having children who are more loving and fun to be with. These techniques are respectful to both you and your child and when practiced over and over, you'll find yourself with more peace and calmness in your home, or in your classroom if you're a teacher.

    Kids and teens are naturally self-centered. But with kids increasing use of social media, it's gotten even worse. Constant selfies, posts, focusing on number of likes and the ease of creating videos, it's now called the ME GENERATION and it's even harder to teach our children to think more about others and less about themselves.

    One way that parents can help to increase the empathy in their children is to find activities for the whole family to participate in, to set an example of what it looks like to be in service to others. One Thanksgiving I announced to my 3 kids that we were going to spend Thanksgiving in a different way this year... we were going to bring an entire Thanksgiving meal to someone who didn't have a family. My two older daughters rolled their eyes and whined about this change.

    Thanksgiving Day arrived and we had our meal all packed up in containers as we headed to an address of a person assigned to us. We headed across town and arrived at a row of very small homes. All five of us carried bags and containers as we walked up to the door and knocked. An elderly woman answered the door and we introduced ourselves. She invited us in and began to cry. My kids did too. I saw the tears welling up in their eyes as they quietly watched her thanking us over and over.

    At first, I thought it was going to be a very quiet ride back home after sharing Thanksgiving dinner with the woman, but my kids were very chatty and talked about the whole experience, all the way back. Something obviously changed for them that day as they experienced the act of giving to someone else and I knew it felt good to them. Following that day, I saw clear signs that they were having more thoughts, more often about giving to others in other ways. What kinds of things could YOU do to help get your kids to think more about being in service to others?

    One of my many guests that I interviewed on my CREATING COOPERATIVE KIDS TV show made it his personal mission to help adults get kids out of their own heads and teach them about caring more for others through the act of paying it forward. Dr. Clint Steele spent one year launching and leading the pay if forward project which included a limited run magazine and projects for youth to get involved. Listen in now to my interview of Dr. Steele. I asked him to share more ideas for parents on increasing the empathy in their kids and teens.

    We get so many chances to set an example for our kids, of being in service to others and unfortunately, too much mind chatter for many parents causes them to miss them. As a parent, I worked hard at teaching my kids by looking for examples of acts of service around us wherever we happened to be. One day my son and I had just pulled into the parking lot at the mall, and I saw an event that I used to teach my young son. I brought his attention to a car just ahead of us. An elderly couple had just pulled up and the woman was driving. She got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to open the door for the man who may have been her husband. Handing the man a cane, she helped him exit the car and together they walked hand-in-hand into the mall. I wanted him to see that act of kindness and that it didn't matter whether the person being helped was a man or a woman.

    Children and teens can learn acts of kindness by: witnessing events, seeing examples set by their parents or participating in acts of kindness themselves. What have you done to teach the art of paying it forward to your children? What can you do to keep the lesson going for them?

    If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.
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    15 min
  • 17 - How to Raise Kids Bully-Proof

    17 - How to Raise Kids Bully-Proof
    Dec 31 2022
    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. By listening to this creating cooperative kids podcast, you'll learn techniques for getting your kids to cooperate with you and the result will be having children who are more loving and fun to be with. These techniques are respectful to both you and your child and when practiced over and over, you'll find yourself with more peace and calmness in your home, or in your classroom if you're a teacher. One day my 8-year-old daughter didn't arrive home from school as she normally did. I was working from home on this day and quickly became worried. I headed down the street and began retracing her steps back to the local elementary school. As I approached a tall fence that surrounded a ball field, I saw her at the back of the field and began to run toward her. She was being held down by three taller girls who were punching and kicking her. I screamed, "Get away from her NOW!" and the three girls ran away. I got down on my knees and held my daughter so tight, imagining what could have happened if I hadn't been home to go looking for her. I don't have to tell you that bullying is a huge problem for our children's safety and well-being. Many national organizations that track statistics state that on average, 1 in 3 children report being bullied in some fashion and the results of bullying can be severe. Parents feel powerless when they hug their children goodbye, fearing they may be bullied or subjected to some level of abuse of bullies. But I can tell you that there ARE things parents can do every day to work toward raising their children to become more bully-proof. In this episode, I was a featured guest on the TOTAL TUTOR RADIO SHOW and I offered a few tips on how to raise bully-proof kids. One of the most important tips you're going to hear me discuss is allowing your kids to speak up for themselves. When a child is allowed to speak their mind, discuss their dreams and just feel like they are being heard, it becomes easier for them to speak up for them self when approached by a bully. When they are confronted by a bully, you want them to have the courage to speak up and yell "NO", "Leave me alone," or to just scream HELP! But this courage is not developed the way it should be if the child's parents are constantly telling them what to do, speaking for them, telling them they shouldn't feel a certain way or just not listening. I watched a father and his young son shopping in a grocery store the other day. The boy appeared to be about 8 - 10 years of age. The man was continuously snapping instructions at his son: what he could or could not touch, what he could and could not say. He was even controlling how many steps ahead of the shopping cart he could walk! This total control of his son was robbing the boy of expressing himself and being heard. By the end of the experience, it was easy to tell that the little boy was just mechanically walking next to the carriage, afraid to speak or move. If the father does this regularly, which I'd bet he does, he is training is son to succumb to the control of whoever is bigger and stronger then he is, at the moment. And the worst part is, he may eventually learn to be this way to others smaller and weaker then he is. This is how many bullies are created in the first place. Controlled youth go on to control other youth. And adults who were controlled, go to control other kids and adults. To help your child develop the courage to speak up to someone who may attempt to control them, here are some tips you can begin using immediately. Take opportunities at least once a day to be in the moment with your child to listen and really hear them. This requires getting to their eye level, making and keeping eye contact, and letting them speak. It also requires that you NOT speak, at least not at the beginning of your moment with them. If you feel compelled to talk, ask questions to draw out more from your child by saying things like, "Tell me more," or "And then what happened?" or "And what happened next?" or "Why do you think she did that?" or "I love it when you tell me things," or using simple expressive words like, WOW, or REALLY, or OH MY! I encourage parents to have one of these 100% present moments at least once a day with each child. Children love these and may ask for them after they've experienced them. Finally, avoid speaking for your child and definitely, avoid controlling their words and actions like the father I saw in the grocery store. As weird as this may sound, there was a news story a few years ago that revealed a pair of teenage girls working at an ice cream store down south was getting spanked by their boss when they did something wrong in their duties serving ice cream. When the authorities discovered this had been going on for some time, they asked...
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    30 min
  • 16 - Six Things To Do When The Kids Are Driving You Crazy

    16 - Six Things To Do When The Kids Are Driving You Crazy
    Dec 12 2022
    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. By listening to this creating cooperative kids podcast, you'll learn techniques for getting your kids to cooperate with you and the result will be having children who are more loving and fun to be with. These techniques are respectful to both you and your child and when practiced over and over, you'll find yourself with more peace and calmness in your home or in your classroom if you're a teacher. On today's episode, psychotherapist Lisa Barrett and I got together to offer parents some advice who feel like their children are driving them crazy. We came up with six specific things that parents can begin practicing immediately and if they do, they may see immediate changes in their child's behavior. Lisa is a licensed professional counselor and registered art therapist, and author of the new book LAUGHTER, WISDOM AND INNOCENCE: SURPRISING QUOTES FROM CHILDREN. Something special you should know about Lisa is that she designed the Sandy Hook Memorial Fountain located in Portland, CT, that was created in honor of the 26 souls lost in the Sandy Hook Elementary School masacre in 2012 in Newtown, CT. Let's break the six tips down to summarize what you heard in this episode. First of all, as Lisa revealed, the most important responsibility you have as a parent is to always take good care of yourself first. I know it's easier said then done, but you owe it to your children to make the time to recharge your batteries. I'll be spending more time on this huge topic in a future episode so just know that there's more to come on this one. The second thing we mentioned was ensuring that you are modeling appropriate behavior in front of your children. If you want your children taking good care of themselves, you first have to show them what it looks like... you have to take care of you. If you want your children to speak calmly and respectfully, you have to do it first so they'll know what it looks like. If you want your children to be kind to others, you have to demonstrate it in front of them. I like to say to fathers, little boys will grow up learning how to treat little girls by the way his father treats his mother. The third thing we brought up was in the story I shared about my son responding to the bully who wanted to take his bike for a ride. It's a technique that I used as an alternative to the word NO. Now I do believe that parents need to comfortable saying no to their children but there are others ways of saying it. So instead of saying the word NO to my children, I would use the phrase, "I'm not willing." The fourth tip we shared was coming up with consequences with your child and then, as Lisa stated, giving your child the power of choosing the misbehavior or the consequence. Consequences is a big topic that can be challenging, so stay tuned for more episodes on this one and even a new online course I'm in the process of developing. The fifth tip was speaking calmly and at your child's eye level. Doing this one very important thing ties back to demonstrating respect for your child. The more you do it, the more they see it, the more likely they will imitate it. Finally, the last tip was in the story I offered regarding my ADHD intense granddaughter Aurora and our trip to the indoor butterfly conservatory located in Deerfield, Massachusetts. That day was such a memorable experience for me because I really got to see the inner workings of my granddaughters mind. If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. If you need more clarification or help with implementing my tips, contact me on my Facebook page and I'll help you make them work. Thanks again for listening and please consider subscribing. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.
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    24 min
  • 15 - Helping Children to Transition Between Activities

    15 - Helping Children to Transition Between Activities
    Dec 4 2022

    I'm the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and you're listening to the cooperative kids podcast. How would you like to have some easy-to-implement tools in your parenting toolbox to help you gain your child or teens cooperation when you're in a rush or need to suddenly change gears? That's what you're about to learn in this episode.

    As a parent educator and behavior specialist, I spent over 25 years talking to parents about the things that frustrated them most about their kids. And it was easy for me to agree with them, having 3 children of my own who drove me absolutely crazy. The fact is that children don't naturally transition well and parents need some strategies for helping them to do this. In this episode I'm speaking to a group of parents and teachers who invited me to offer advice on creating cooperative kids. Here are some solutions to helping children and teens to transition easier.

    Thanks for listening to this podcast episode. To summarize quickly, 3 techniques for helping children to transition between activities is to provide as much advance notice as you can, have them help you set up rules before a segment begins, and use visual timers to help them see the passing of time. My favorite device can be found at www.timetimer.com. One last bonus tip is to create some motivation for a child to stop an activity and to want to follow your lead to the next. One day I couldn't get my son to stop an activity in the playroom and to put his shoes and get in the car. I suddenly had somewhere I had to go and I needed his full cooperation. I could have pulled the toy out of his hands and picked him up kicking and screaming and put him in the car, but no effective parent ever wants to do that. So in that moment, we needed to drive to a relatives home. I thought to myself, "what does my son really like about going to that home," and I remembered that he loves playing with his cousin. So getting to my son's eye level, I said in a very excited voice, "Hey buddy, we're going to your uncle's house and I bet Timmy is waiting right at the door for you to show up and play with him!" Instantly, he dropped the toy he was playing with, ran to get his shoes and coat on and off he ran to get into the car. What motivating factor can you come up with the next time you need your child to transition suddenly.

    Occasionally, a parent will tell me that what I've taught them helped create more peace and cooperation in their home and wish there was a way to repay me. I tell them that they can purchase my books at billcorbettsbooks.com or buy me a cup of coffee. You can do that now by going to buymeacoffee.com/billc

    Thanks again for listening and please consider subscribing. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.
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    20 min
  • 14 - Absent Parents Equate Gifts to Love

    14 - Absent Parents Equate Gifts to Love
    Nov 29 2022

    I'm Bill Corbett, author of the book love, limits, & lessons, a parent’s guide to raising cooperative kids. Thanks for downloading and listening to this podcast. Author, educator and professional speaker, Dan Blanchard stopped by my studio the other day and we found ourselves talking about how some parents equate love to buying things for their kids. The holidays are getting closer and we’ve both seen absent parents swooping in to shower their children with all sorts of gifts and presents, and then swooping back out to being invisible again. These kinds of parents find it difficult to make the experience of being with their children and listening, the real gift.

    Our hope for this episode is that some absent and busy parents might hear our conversation and then make the decision to buy less and be 100% present more. Adults might think that their kids want the gifts and money more, but what they really want is a parent’s silent attention, their smile, their confirmation that they hear them and their loving interaction.

    Thank you for listening to the CREATING COOPERATIVE KIDS podcast series. To get Dan’s latest book, look up THE STORM: How Young Men Become Good Men. If you would like more help with discipline and parenting, please visit my website, www.cooperativekids.com or email me at bill@cooperativekids.com. Making the world a better place to live begins by using a style of discipline that not only creates more cooperation today, but also helps our children eventually find their purpose in life, on schedule. All information on this recording is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids. Copyright 2022, Cooperative kids publishing
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    18 min
  • 13 - Rudolph Dreikurs, Self-Control for Kids and More!

    13 - Rudolph Dreikurs, Self-Control for Kids and More!
    Oct 31 2022

    This episode is a cut from a live presentation to a large group of Alabama preschool teachers. I introduced them to someone who inspired me in creating my LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS program and how he taught us to see what's behind a child's misbehavior and how to create cooperation without punishment or reward. I'll also discuss how to create more self-control for children and then explain the difference between PROACTIVE AND REACTIVE parenting. Finally, I bring out my traditional PARENTING TOOLBOX and demonstrate what should be removed from that antiquated set of discipline tools.
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    14 min