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Canyon Thinking

Canyon Thinking

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 TranscriptHey thereSo I am walking the backside of this little meadow, forested area where my mom livesIt's on the edges of old farmland and I'm about to hop over a split rail fence, which is a little awkward, it's a little tallThere's some, a lot of native plants around here, and also some volunteers from elsewhereOregon ash and cottonwood, willow, aspenThere's a grove of hawthorn in full flowerThis is a place where deer hang outFloods in the winterIt's marshy where I am right nowI could probably set up a tent back hereIt's quietI've just come back from the far east side of the stateI was off grid, down in a canyon for four days, in some pretty crazy country, working on a project and just existing reallyI think it was probably the least I've interacted with screens and media in maybe a decadeI didn't really have cell phone signal for about a week and a half, pretty intentionallyI basically just didn't turn my phone on unless I needed navigationAnd then there were three nights and four days when I was down in the bottom of this canyon where I really didn't do anything at allI just kind of existed down thereAte food and had a little fire now and thenWatched the light changeAnd it was beautiful and hard, easy, lonely, quiet, all the thingsAnd I've been thinking a lot about why I do what I do, my work as an artist and personI don't want to think about it too much, but doing something like that made me really consider a lot about why I make things, share things, live the way I doThere's just a lot thereThere's a lot of assumptions, a lot of reasons I've been doing stuff for yearsA lot of time passed, a lot of habits, that kind of thingNow I'm in the Grove of CottonwoodsIt's kind of a flood groveSome reeds back in hereMaybe there's sedgesSo I don't have a lot of answers about why, but I think I discovered a new language of some kind down in that canyonDefinitely a new relationship with myselfThere wasn't much to hide down thereTurns out being alone for long periods of time is pretty toughI mean, I've done it before, but this was different somehowIt's really good to do, but it's not easy sometimesParts of it aren't easyParts of it are really incredibleIt's always funny to be alone in a place like that and run into a person once in a while and realize that pretty much everybody else is out there with other peopleIt really got me thinking about the reasons why people do things and why I do thingsFor me, a lot of it is to get away from loneliness, actuallyFrom being alone with my own thoughtsPartially because they can be boringPartially because it's really not maybe the healthiest long term to always just be alone with one's own thoughtsBut I think that there's something really deep thereAnd I don't consume much mediaI mean, maybe a podcast every two or three daysSometimes I don't listen to one for a week or soBut something I thought was really strange down there is I had songs that I hadn't listened to for many days just repeatedly looping in my headAnd it was almost like my mind was just spinning in neutral, trying to find something stimulating to remember or to latch on toOr maybe it was just digesting everythingMy friend Martin said metabolizing, which I really likeActually metabolizing the experiences that I've hadAnd I think it takes a really silent, open, empty space without any direction, honestlyNo structureNo one else aroundNo informationJust the sun rising and settingAnd sitting in places like that really makes me reconsider kind of my whole life.Why do I do what I do? Why do I want to share writing and recordings with people? What's really at the base of all that? What need of mine is being met? Am I doing it as a means to an end? Or am I doing it as an end in and of itself? And I've decided pretty conclusively that I want to do things in my life that are an end in and of themselvesI don't want to be chasing different activities for a lot of my life because they're giving me something that's not inside of the activity itselfAnd I think I do want to share what I make, but it's difficult to know whether that's worthwhile or not for othersAnd so I decided that I'll do it for my own joy and my own insightsAnd if others want to come along for the ride and see what's thereI mean, I've been doing it this way all along, but I think that there's always these shadow sides, like hidden unconscious sides of any activity or anything a person does that aren't fully available to them unless they sit and really delve into the whyAnd an activity I've been doing recently is asking myself why seven or eight times about something really gets down to the root of what's going onIt's hardI feel like my mind wants to squirm away from those kinds of inquiriesBut I think it's pretty necessary and helpful in the long runI'm leaning on a tree and there's moss on itIt's youngWhat happened is it fell overProbably got blown overThat happened a while agoThe original shoot has since been pruned off by the tree itselfIt's broken off...

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