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Delight Your Marriage

Delight Your Marriage

Auteur(s): Belah Rose | Author Podcaster & Marital Intimacy Enthusiast
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À propos de cet audio

 Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc(c) Delight Your Marriage Christianisme Hygiène et mode de vie sain Pastorale et évangélisme Spiritualité
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  • 502-How to Win an Argument: Interview with Dr. Kevin Downing

    502-How to Win an Argument: Interview with Dr. Kevin Downing
    Sep 26 2025
    Arguments that spiral out of control often leave behind words no one meant and wounds that take time to heal. Escalation may feel like “getting it all out,” but according to our guest today, it is actually poison to a marriage. Dr. Kevin Downing, founder of Turning Point Counseling in Southern California, has spent decades helping couples, pastors, and families find healthier ways to connect. His insights on escalation, self-control, and parenting bring both biblical grounding and practical tools. Why Escalation Is “Pure Poison” That Often Leads to Divorce Research from Dr. John Gottman revealed that the type of conflict in marriage can predict divorce. The number one predictor? Escalation. When escalation takes over, brain scans show that the logical, rational side of the brain shuts down. That’s why conversations in anger lead to slammed doors, reckless words, or ultimatums. With half the brain offline, no real problem-solving can happen. We often think that the “truth” does comes out during these heated moments of escalation, and sometimes spouses even push each other to the brink in an attempt to "get the truth out." But the reality is, this isn't so. The words spoken at the peak of anger are not reliable and usually bring regret. As Dr. Downing explained, escalation is pure poison for marriage. The Fruit of the Spirit in Your Marriage Scripture gives a different path. Galatians 5 teaches that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Self-control means more than biting one’s tongue; it is the Spirit’s power to respond with gentleness when provoked. It is choosing a soft answer when the flesh screams for retaliation. This is what keeps hearts tender and marriages safe. Practical Tools for De-Escalation Dr. Downing offered practical tools couples can use immediately: Use “I” language. Instead of “You’re losing it,” say, “I need a few minutes to calm down. I promise to return.” Pause at night. Words like, “I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m sure we can work this out” create security before sleep. Reassure often. A 10-second “wedding-vow refresh” can melt deep insecurity: “You’re my one and only—for better or worse, for life.” Don’t debate history. Replace “I remember it better than you” with “We have different recollections.” Then drop it. Offer a new experience. Arguments rarely change minds, but kindness does. Just as a restaurant replaces a meal instead of defending reviews, a spouse can create change by responding with love instead of debate. How to Be on the Same Page about Parenting Conflict in parenting can be just as destructive if spouses are not aligned. But, Dr. Downing emphasized that parenting plans should not be created in the heat of a crisis. An argument is not the time to create a parenting plan, just like the middle of a storm is not the time to create a rain plan. You want to do these things outside of the state of chaos. Instead, couples should sit down calmly after the crisis is done and start with the big picture. What goals do you have for your children? You may ask yourselves: Do we want our children to be God-loving? Self-supporting? Respectful? Loving toward siblings and connected to church? Agreeing on these goals allows a united front in daily decisions. One of the greatest gifts for children is seeing parents present a unified approach. Correcting a spouse in front of the kids undermines authority and invites manipulation. Behind closed doors, differences can be discussed and resolved without giving children the leverage to divide. The Two-Minute Timeout Dr. Downing also shared a simple, powerful discipline tool for parenting: the two-minute timeout. When a child disobeys, responds disrespectfully, or hits a sibling, the consequence is two minutes with two questions: Why were you in timeout? Will this behavior happen again today or tonight? To establish safety and connection, younger children are also given a hug afterward. This short, consistent approach helps children take ownership while keeping parents calm. It prevents long punishments that discourage, as well as shouting matches that model escalation. In fact, the timeout often benefits the parent just as much—allowing emotions to cool so rational thinking returns. By the time children reach their teens, the drill is so familiar that a simple question—“Do you need a timeout?”—is usually enough to prompt self-correction. Final Thoughts Every couple disagrees sometimes, and every parent has those chaotic moments—but they don’t have to end in distance or regret. Escalation will always push hearts apart, but Spirit-led self-control and kindness can draw them close again. The beautiful truth is that transformation doesn’t always come through big, complicated steps. Often it’s the small, intentional choices—pausing before speaking, offering reassurance instead of accusation, giving a child two minutes to reset—that shift ...
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    1 h et 1 min
  • 343-Wage War Against Body Insecurity

    343-Wage War Against Body Insecurity
    Jun 9 2022

    TRIGGER WARNING: This trigger warning is for me as well as for you. If you have struggled with food issues like me (for me it was bulimia) this may trigger you. It may also give you hope that you can be free of it. I just want you to be aware of that risk. If you have freedom in this area it might not be worth you listening to this specific episode.

    --

    Body obsession has been a toughy for me all my life.

    Wanting to be thin.

    Wanting to be beautiful.

    Wanting to fit into x size jeans.

    Wanting to see x on the scale.

    (The number of New Year's resolutions based on this makes me embarrassed.)

    And once I am triggered about thinking I'm not thin, I would eat to assuage those hard feelings.

    Or other hard feelings, I'd eat.

    Was it sin?

    Was it a sin, for ME?

    Let's put a pin in that thought.

    I think a major way the enemy tempts us nowadays is through distraction.

    Is distraction a sin?

    Well, if God has a will for our lives and there are things that are getting in the way of that, that's what I would call sin.

    We can't be ignorant of his scenes.

    If your insecurity about your body robs you of sexual desire and confidence in the bedroom -- you need to wage war against this.

    God calls you to be a spouse.

    If something about your body makes you insecure, it is robbing you of the connection you are meant to have with your spouse. Men, maybe it's your member's size or belly, ladies, maybe it's your belly, body's shape, or giggle (believe me, I get it!!)

    That's why I mean to encourage you to wage war against this distraction.

    And honestly, if it's not allowing you to do God's will -- I call it sin.

    If the amount of thoughts that we give to something is greater than the thoughts we give to God (worshipping Him / His word / His tasks / His rest / delight with Him / loving His people well)

    ...then might we be serving an idol?

    I definitely was.

    And it's on me to wage war against that idol of body perfection because it hinders every other good thing God wants for me; what He's called me to be about.

    So, I hope you'll be encouraged that you can get freedom from this, as I believe it's a miraculous freedom I'm walking in now and have for some time. Thanking God for it!

    I hope it blesses you.

    Love,

    Belah

    PS -- We'd love to help you. Join a Clarity Call to help us know your situation and if we can help your marriage thrive in every area of intimacy - emotional, spiritual & physical. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

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    47 min
  • 500 Episodes! Your Influence & Joining DYM's in Our Next Decade

    500 Episodes! Your Influence & Joining DYM's in Our Next Decade
    Sep 12 2025

    When I hit “record” on the very first Delight Your Marriage podcast 10 years ago, my mic stand was a Quaker Oats container.

    I had a dream, a story, and a hope that I thought could help others.

    I just had a few loaves and fishes to offer—with a world in need.

    Now—500 episodes later—we’ve seen Him do it: hundreds marriages restored in our programs directly, many thousands of families transformed through our podcast, lives healed all over the world.

    And yet, this milestone isn’t just about what God has done at Delight Your Marriage—it’s about what He wants to do next, through all of us.

    Here are three lessons from this episode I believe will bless you right now:

    1) Do not be overcome by evil
    The world’s problems can feel overwhelming, but your greatest impact is in your sphere of influence—your heart, your habits, your marriage. That’s where revival begins. And it does spread!

    2) Do courage enough and it becomes confidence.
    At first, obedience to God feels risky and scary. But when you keep stepping forward with courage, it grows into confidence. And then it’s simply confidence in who you are and how God made you to be and impact others.

    3) Live the Love Chapter at home–first.
    1 Corinthians 13 isn’t just for weddings—it’s your daily assignment. Love is patient, kind, forgiving. Revival doesn’t start on stages—it starts in your living room.

    Hear how Delight Your Marriabe began and where we’re heading in the next 10 years! We’re going be in-person trainings (16 starting this fall!), best selling books, self-directed courses, certified coaches, live events, weekend retreats, and global impact—transforming marriages, churches, and even whole communities.

    We’re just getting started—and you’re part of it.

    With gratitude,
    Belah

    P.S. Even if you don’t listen right away, here’s how you can step into what’s next:

    For you

    • Book a Clarity Call to begin your own coaching transformation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

    For others

    • Bring In-Person Training to your church or small group (launching January): hosting a group where marriages can heal in your community or church. Let us know if you would like to become a part: office@delightyourmarriage.com

    • Help us find the Director of Operations role – take a look or send it to a friend.

    • Partner with us financially to sponsor pastors and churches in need (tax-deductible): office@delightyourmarriage.com
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    54 min
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