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Page de couverture de Ep 01 - Why I started This Podcast

Ep 01 - Why I started This Podcast

Ep 01 - Why I started This Podcast

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 Hi y’all! Welcome to the very first episode of Grief Relief for Christian Women. I’m Patty Jackson, and I am so glad you are here. Even if you are here wearing your PJs, drinking your lukewarm cup of coffee, and thinking, “Well, I’ve got nothing better to do, so let’s see what this lady has to say,”! Today, I’m telling you why I started this podcast, and I’m sharing my story. I hope by the end, you’ll feel a little less alone and a whole lot more understood. I'm going to quote this very common scripture before I begin, as I need the help to get through this episode. It is Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." Amen! So, let’s go! I didn’t grow up thinking, “One day, I’m going to be a widow helping other widows through grief.” No one dreams of that. Heck, I was thinking of a future full of vacations, grandbabies, retirement, and maybe finally learning how to play golf—with my best friend and husband, of course. Well, it has a way of handing us things we never dreamed of. My husband, Ralph, died just 13 months after he retired, at 68 years old, and I was 58. We were together for 24 years and married almost 14 of those. The year was 2018, and it started out busy. I had a funeral out of town to attend, which I combined with a family reunion in the same area, so I was gone for over a week. Upon returning, both of my parents got sick with pneumonia, so I kissed Ralph goodbye, and I left my home again to help my sister take care of them. My dad ended up in the hospital, and my sister was there with him while I stayed with Mom at their house. I talked to Ralph on Saturday night several times, and I told him I would be back home the next day. Both parents got worse, so I called my husband several times on Sunday to let him know I wasn't coming home after all, but he never answered the phone—even stranger, he never called me. Finally, on Monday at noon, my sister was able to relieve me and stay with Mom while I went home to get a change of clothes and check on Ralph, since I hadn't heard from him for over 24 hours. That’s when I found him on the back porch, face down. I wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead or how long he had been lying there, so I touched him and felt that he was cold, but otherwise he looked like he could be sleeping. I had never found a dead body before, so I wasn’t sure what to do or how to determine if a person needed medical attention or not. I think I called my sister first and told her I thought Ralph was dead, and she asked if I had called 911. I said, I don't know if he needs help because I think he's already dead. She said, Well, I think you still need to call 911, so I did! I called my son, Ryan, and he and my brother-in-law showed up about the same time. The EMTs showed up within a few minutes, but almost immediately, they called the coroner. Still not knowing what was going on and never having been through something like this, I asked if he was still alive. I thought since they weren’t talking to me, maybe they were working on him to take him to the hospital or something, because it seemed like forever while waiting. Then finally they responded No, he is gone and has been for more than 24 hours. That is when my life changed in an instant. The EMTs were with Ralph on the back porch and made us wait in the front, as I remember trying to see him, but they said I couldn’t. I just kept saying, “But I have to tell him goodbye.” They were trying to keep me from seeing him, and I’m sure they meant well, but I wanted to kiss his lips and say goodbye. I remember my son finally stepping in and telling them, "If my mom wants to say goodbye to her husband, then by golly, she will--and they finally let me. I layed next to his cold, lifeless body and told him how much I loved him, then kissed his blue lips, and they took him away--forever! I didn't know how he died, and I didn't know that the EMTs don't really know either. I had to wait a month for the autopsy and the medical examiner to send me a report that showed that he had died of a massive heart attack and had broken his neck when he hit the concrete. I was happy to know that he didn't suffer because he had to lie there for the next 24 hours, ALONE! The next days were a blur, but my son took care of everything for me that related to Ralph’s death. I was grateful because I could barely get out of bed, let alone think about funerals, wills, autopsies, or death certificates. Yes, it is true—within the first week, all of these things need to be addressed, even though you can barely think and take care of yourself. I stayed in a numb, mindless state for about three weeks. The brain fog was real! I had not heard about "brain fog," so I absolutely thought I was losing my mind. I had always been the person in our marriage who took care of the finances and paid the bills, but during this time, I couldn't remember that I had always done it, and in some ...
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