Is quitting alcohol just about the drink itself, or is there something deeper at play? Anna Donaghey sits down with trauma-informed healer Emma Lyons, founder of The Trauma Matrix, to explore how shame hides beneath so many of our habits, including drinking, and keeps us stuck in self-judgment, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you’ve ever felt that gnawing ‘not enough’ feeling, or wondered why cutting back on booze feels so hard, this episode will help you see what’s really fueling the urge and give you powerful new tools for release.

Here are the Highlights:

00:00 Introduction: Why releasing alcohol requires releasing shame

02:08 Meet Emma Lyons

04:49 Family scapegoat, inherited shame & the roots of addiction

07:54 Why therapy doesn’t work until you address shame

09:00 Shame vs. guilt: The toxic cocktail that attacks our sense of self

12:40 Manipulation, compliance, and the gaslighting of “for your own good”

13:39 How shame hijacks the body and drives coping strategies

17:16 Shame shuts down empathy

19:37 Narcissists, repression, and the Velcro effect of internalised shame

22:01 Scapegoats, golden children, and not being yourself

25:54 Imposter syndrome, perfectionism and anxiety are all just shame with better PR

28:43 Numbing shame with alcohol

30:51 How not-enoughness fuels drinking

32:01 Why shame is always toxic and why society says otherwise

35:41 How children can pick up parental shame, accidentally and unconsciously

38:39 Drinking to numb, feeling flawed, and repeating the pattern

39:31 You can’t bully shame into submission

48:17 What happens when shame is released

48:42 Why alcohol loses its job when shame no longer needs numbing

49:28 Where to find Emma Lyons (+free gift for listeners)

Anna’s group coaching community ‘Unstuck!’ helps identify your alcohol ‘stories’ and beliefs, breaking the cycle of alcohol and all the shame that goes with it. For more information and to find out how to join, please follow this link: https://www.winetowatercoaching.com/unstuck-1

To further explore your relationship with alcohol, check out Anna’s self-guided programme, The Big Drink Rethink Experiment: https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/the-big-drink-rethink-experiment

And apply the code POD99 to purchase for just £99 as a podcast listener.

If you’re loving the podcast and would like to give Anna a warm, fuzzy feeling of appreciation, then you can buy her a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink

About the host Anna:

Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do.

Connect with Anna:

Website: thebeliefscoach.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey

Instagram: