Welcome back to Need Not Apply! This week’s episode is brought to you by snowstorms, broken internet, audio-only chaos, and a single stink bug named Charlie who simply refuses to die. We kick things off with holiday burnout in full swing: shoveling six inches of snow, ISP conspiracy theories, streaming disasters, and recording without cameras for the first time in 50+ episodes. Add in surprise holiday shifts, accidentally showing up to work when the office is closed, and the forced cheer of the season — and suddenly it’s beginning to look a lot like please send help.

Then we lean fully into the holiday theme, because nothing says festive like retail trauma, unhinged customers, and office parties that absolutely should not have included alcohol. From Black Friday insanity to Christmas parties that end with police involvement, this episode is proof that holiday spirit is real… it’s just usually weaponized.

🧾 Story Time

• The 50-Cent Candle Warmer Meltdown — a customer goes feral over pocket change… until a random angel shopper hits her with the most iconic “here’s 75 cents, rethink your life” mic drop.

• The Holiday Party That Summoned the Cops — BYO beer turns into “underage drinking suspected,” the cops get called, Secret Santa gets cancelled, and everyone leaves with their wrapped gifts like it’s evidence.

• AITA: Inappropriate Question at the Work Holiday Party — one manager, one younger coworker, and a situation that goes from “friendly” to HR-coded real fast.

• • Loss Prevention Tug-of-War: Retail Edition — alarms blaring, a duffel bag of product, and a full-on wrestling match (hands-free theft prevention, allegedly) with over $1,300 on the line.

  
  

  🗞️ The News Desk That Shouldn’t Be Allowed Near A Microphone

  
  

  • NYC Food Influencer Arrested for Dine-and-Dashing
  A New York City food influencer allegedly films upscale restaurant meals, posts the content, and then tries to leave without paying — reigniting the long-standing tension between restaurants and influencers who expect “exposure” to cover the check.

  • Your Best Ideas Might Happen Right Before You Fall Asleep
  A discussion around the hypnagogic state — the half-dream, half-awake zone where creativity spikes and your brain briefly does its best work before passing out.

  • Metformin’s Effects on the Brain
  After more than 60 years, researchers are finally mapping how metformin works, discovering its effects may be rooted in the brain, not just the body — raising ethical and scientific questions about testing and long-term use.

  • Jamie Dimon Says These Skills Are “AI-Proof” (For Now)
  The JP Morgan CEO claims emotional intelligence, leadership, and judgment will remain valuable over the next five years — after that, all bets are off.