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Healing Myself

Healing Myself

Auteur(s): Scott and Shaté Hayes
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 We're Scott and Shaté Hayes, and we're on a mission to help our community find freedom from the inside out. So we host conversations about God, therapy, and all the lessons we’ve learned about how to love, trust, forgive, and affirm ourselves first. We used to talk about the hard parts of life. Now, we talk about the healed parts because that’s where true freedom resides. Join us, and you’ll see that when you save yourself first, you transform your life, and you lead the way for those around you to save themselves, too. Get healing tips, tools, and more: ⁠https://healingmyself.co/weeklywordScott and Shaté Hayes Développement personnel Réussite
Épisodes
  • Ep. 83: How to observe (not absorb) other people's feelings.

    Ep. 83: How to observe (not absorb) other people's feelings.
    May 29 2024
    In this episode, we dive into the art of observing other people's feelings without taking them on as our own. Join us as we explore practical strategies for maintaining emotional boundaries in close relationships with family, friends, and partners. Discover the role emotional regulation plays in this process, and get inspired by our hopes for finding real-life ways to practice this approach. Tune in for insightful conversations and tips on how to stay empathetic yet emotionally grounded.WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:Observing not absorbing [1:36]Being empathetic and supportive without taking on another person's emotions as your ownTherapists suggest supporting loved ones without absorbing their distress, emphasizing that empathy should not involve taking on someone else's sadness or anxiety.It can be challenging to separate one's own feelings from those of others, especially in close relationships, and there's a tendency to feel responsible for making others feel better.Relearning communication and trust in marriage [10:11]Scott reflects on how life experiences have made him more guarded in his marriage, withdrawing emotional vulnerability and being more careful with his words.Recognizing the need to relearn how to support his wife, Shate Hayes, in a safe and non-absorbing manner.Acknowledging the importance of giving your spouse the space to solve their own problems and be a partner in their marriage.Empathy and boundaries in therapy [17:45]Discussion on emotion regulation and avoidance in men.Seeking to balance helping others with maintaining personal boundaries.The approach to empathy- hearing people's hearts without trying to control their emotions.The importance of empathy and self-determination in therapy.Navigating personal relationships while maintaining professional boundaries [23:41]The struggle with navigating close relationships without absorbing others' emotions.Scott Hayes emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding in his work as a therapist, particularly when clients make decisions that go against his advice.The challenge of balancing the need to be productive with the need to be empathetic and supportive, even when clients are not ready for the work required.Navigating emotions and conflicts in a relationship [24:08]Setting boundaries and seeking help for recurring problems.Recognizing limitations in providing support and suggesting seeking help from others.Finding a way to support each other emotionally without judgment or expectations.The need for validation and redirection in relationships.Navigating conflicts in relationships, acknowledging the importance of allowing emotions to move through both parties.The need to navigate emotions without trying to run over them, just like navigating around obstacles on a bike or in a car.THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:Rate us on ⁠⁠Apple⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠, or follow and subscribe to our channel on ⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠.Attend an event in the Atlanta area or sponsor someone to attend.*Purchase our ⁠⁠merch⁠⁠— there’s a great selection on our website.**A portion of our proceeds goes towards our therapy fund for Black adults..TO STAY CONNECTED:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠.
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    45 min
  • Ep. 82: A practical guide to self-care with Dr. Cicely Brathwaite.

    Ep. 82: A practical guide to self-care with Dr. Cicely Brathwaite.
    May 15 2024
    Join us for this insightful conversation with special guest, Dr. Cicely Brathwaite–psychologist, consultant, and author of Self-Care Activities for Women: 101 Practical Ways to Slow Down and Reconnect With Yourself. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: Focus on Self-Care and Systemic Impacts [4:30] The realization during the dissertation on African American women that societal messages discourage self-care among welfare recipients. Concern over cognitive decline observed in family members (grandmother and great aunts) led to exploring health disparities and preventive measures. Recognition that environments influenced by racism and sexism contribute to health disparities among Black individuals. Self-care can help mitigate negative systemic impacts. The role of pleasure and well-being practices in counteracting societal challenges. Aim to make self-care a legacy for 1 million Black individuals, integrating it into their everyday lives and passing it on to future generations. Importance of Teaching Self-Cares [15:08] The historical roots of self-care stigma. The negative associations with rest and self-care dating back to times of enslavement. Reference to how enslaved ancestors were plied with liquor during times of rest, associating leisure with negativity. Generational differences in attitudes towards self-care, with previous generations focusing more on survival and work ethic. Cultural and systemic barriers that hinder individuals from prioritizing self-care, such as a 24/7 work culture and internalized programming. Self-care is a pathway to empowerment, allowing individuals to take control of their health and well-being. The 3 types of self-care: Regular, Restorative and Responsive. Embracing Diverse Self-Care Practices and Family Traditions [29:20] Some coping mechanisms used in the past were effective for their time and circumstances, even if they might not be suitable today. This perspective helps release feelings of judgment towards oneself and others for past behaviors. The significant role of family-led prayers, has played in maintaining family resilience and well-being. This tradition deserves acknowledgment and respect. Valuing the tradition of learning and recording family recipes from elders as a way to preserve heritage and strengthen family bonds. Creating a playlist of songs that evoke joy as a practical and enjoyable self-care activity. This playlist can be used to uplift spirits and maintain positive emotions. Developing and practicing responses to microaggressions helps manage emotional triggers and maintain composure in challenging situations. Acknowledging the value of naps as a restorative and necessary form of self-care, Recognizing naps as essential for functioning optimally. Overcoming Resistance and Embracing Growth in Self-Care Practices [35:21] Revisit unsuccessful activities. Persistence fosters growth and healing through continuous effort. Understand that the brain resists change due to negativity bias, helping to develop new habits despite discomfort. Adopt a mindset of trying new activities multiple times to overcome initial discomfort and accurately assess their value. Embrace all aspects of your personality and interests. Persistence in bringing groups together reflects the importance of integrating all facets of life. THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION: Rate us on ⁠Apple⁠ or ⁠Spotify⁠, or follow and subscribe to our channel on ⁠YouTube⁠.Attend an event in the Atlanta area or sponsor someone to attend.*Purchase our ⁠merch⁠— there’s a great selection on our website.* *A portion of our proceeds goes towards our therapy fund for Black adults. RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcicelybrathwaite/Schedule a consultation: https://www.cicelybrathwaite.com/Check out her books: https://www.cicelybrathwaite.com/books CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ: Subscribe to our Weekly Word. We’ll send you healing insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you heal yourself first: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://healingmyself.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment. Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠connect@healingmyself.co
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    45 min
  • Ep. 81: Healing and tequila with friends featuring Brandon Scott.

    Ep. 81: Healing and tequila with friends featuring Brandon Scott.
    May 1 2024
    Join this special convo with Brandon Scott, CEO and Co-Founder of Tequila with Friends, a Dallas-based tequila brand. After a surprising Type 1 diabetes diagnosis during his first semester of college, Brandon discovered that tequila was the only type of liquor that his body metabolized well. Now 15 years later, he ties some of his fondest moments to tequila and the people around him who’ve supported his journey.WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:Navigating Diagnosis and Acceptance [0:00]Being diagnosed with type one diabetes during the first day at the University of Texas at Austin. The importance of having supportive friends who encourage seeking medical help and providing emotional support during the diagnosis process. Navigating misdiagnosis and quickly learning how to manage the condition. Humor and coping mechanisms help deal with the challenges of living with diabetes.Embracing the condition as part of his life story while refusing to let it define him entirely.Fostering Inclusivity and Support in Communities [14:35]Normalizing health conditions within communities reduce stigma and ostracization.Take time to educate oneself and others about managing health conditions.The significance of offering support and assistance to individuals with health challenges, creates a welcoming and inclusive environment.Promoting a communal mindset where everyone brings their own "baggage," fostering a sense of understanding and solidarity.The journey of acceptance [19:06]Frustration and helplessness are reactions when diagnosed with an illness upon diagnosis, Taking control of the situation and acknowledging the importance of personal support networks.Sharing experiences with others and providing encouragement to those facing similar challenges can be helpful. The importance of resilience and perseverance through various stages.Pay attention to your body and seek medical attention when necessary.Nurturing Health with Accountability [33:17]How to navigate health challenges and grief without shame.Avoiding deprivation and recognizing it as unsustainable and unrealistic. Focus on balance and self-awareness instead.Pay attention to how your body responds to alcohol consumption, and consult a doctor if experiencing adverse reactions.The possibility of alcohol allergies or intolerances if experiencing discomfort after drinking.Drinking responsibly and in moderation. Pay attention to how you feel during and after consumption, and make adjustments accordingly.THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT OUR MISSION:Rate us on Apple or Spotify, or follow and subscribe to our channel on YouTube.Attend an event in the Atlanta area or sponsor someone to attend.*Purchase our merch— there’s a great selection on our website.**A portion of our proceeds goes towards our therapy fund for Black adults.RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:Tequilla with Friends website: https://www.tequilawithfriends.com/Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tequilawithfriends/Visit their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/tequilawithfriends/Email them at: info@tequilawithfriends.comGive Brandon a follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brankscott/?hl=en TO STAY CONNECTED:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠.
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    49 min
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