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How Leaders Can Strengthen Relationships With Their Team (Part One)

How Leaders Can Strengthen Relationships With Their Team (Part One)

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 Most leaders genuinely want a strong relationship with their team, yet day-to-day reality can be messy—especially when performance feels uneven. The trap is thinking "they should change." The breakthrough is realising: you can't change others, but you can change how you think, communicate, and lead. Why do leaders get annoyed with the "80%" of the team (and what should they do instead)? Because the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule) makes it feel like you're paying for effort you're not getting—but the fix is to lead the whole system, not just the stars. In most teams, a smaller group carries a disproportionate chunk of the output, and that can irritate any manager trying to hit targets, KPIs, OKRs, or quarterly numbers. But treating the "80%" as a problem creates a self-fulfilling spiral: you spend less time with them, they feel it, motivation drops, and performance follows. In Japan-based teams (and in global teams post-pandemic, with hybrid work and remote collaboration), this spiral gets worse because "relationship temperature" matters. Instead, think like an orchestra conductor: the first violin matters, but the whole section must play in harmony. Do now: Stop "ranking people in your head" mid-week. Start "designing the system" that helps every player contribute. Can you actually change your team members' performance or attitude? Not directly—you can't rewire other adults, but you can change the environment you create and the way you show up. The leader move is internal first: adjust your assumptions, your language, your coaching cadence, and your consistency. In practice, this means you stop waiting for people to become "more like you" and start shaping the conditions where they can succeed. A simple mental shift is accepting that high performers and average performers will always co-exist in any team—Japan, the US, Europe, APAC; startups, SMEs, or multinationals. When you accept the 20/80 reality, you can focus on (1) lifting the 20% even higher and (2) getting strong coordination and reliable contribution from everyone else. Do now: Identify one attitude you bring to the "middle 60%" that's costing you results—and change that, first. How do you stop criticism from destroying motivation and trust? By eliminating the "criticise, condemn, complain" reflex and replacing it with coaching language that preserves dignity. Dale Carnegie's human relations principle is blunt for a reason: criticism rarely produces agreement; it produces defence. And when people feel attacked, they don't improve—they protect themselves, they withdraw, and they tell themselves a story about you. This is especially relevant in Japan, where public correction can trigger loss of face, and in Western contexts where blunt feedback can still backfire if it feels personal rather than behavioural. The point isn't to become "soft." It's to become effective: if the same negative approach keeps producing the same negative reaction, adjust the angle—just a few degrees—so the other person can respond positively. Do now: Before your next correction, rewrite it as: "Here's what I observed, here's the impact, here's what good looks like next time." What does "honest, sincere appreciation" look like in a Japanese workplace? It's specific, evidence-based praise—not vague compliments, not flattery, and not silence. Leaders often skip appreciation because they assume "they're paid to do it," then wonder why cooperation is hard. Yet people are highly sensitive to fake praise, and they'll dismiss it as manipulation. The fix is to praise something concrete and provable. A practical Japan example is exactly the point: "Suzuki-san, I appreciated the fact you got back to me on time with the information I requested—it helped me meet the deadline. Thank you for your cooperation." The evidence makes it believable, the detail makes it useful, and the respect makes it repeatable. Do now: Give one piece of appreciation today that includes what, when, and why it mattered—in one sentence. How do you motivate people who don't seem to care as much as you do? You motivate them by speaking to what they want—because everyone is already focused on their own priorities. If you need cooperation, it's not enough to repeat what you want and when you want it. Your team member is running their own internal agenda: career security, competence, recognition, flexibility, learning, status, autonomy, or simply a calmer workday. This is where "arouse in the other person an eager want" becomes a leadership skill, not a slogan. In a Japanese firm, the eager want might be stability and not standing out negatively. In a US startup, it might be speed, ownership, and visibility. Same principle, different cultural packaging. Listen to what comes out of your mouth—if it's all about you, you're making cooperation harder. Do now: In your next request, add one line: "What would make ...
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