“Have you ever felt guilty for wanting breathing room even though your loved one seems okay?” That’s where Barbara, 59, stands—her 63-year-old husband is early in dementia, mostly independent, yet the quiet dread won’t let her rest. We sat together to name the guilt, rebuild support, and plan without panic.

I began with my focusing prompt: “In six months, what would need to change for caregiving to feel easier—while stewarding your health and relationships?” Barbara said: clarity and calm. That becomes our map.

1) Know your “bucket” and set benchmarks. Barbara’s husband is in the first bucket (early changes, still managing basics). That means time to plan—not to procrastinate. We backward-plan from the reality that, if he lives long enough, 24-hour care will be needed, then place milestones to know when to bring help in.

2) Rebuild community before crisis. Isolation dims resilience. I used my charcoal briquettes picture: pull one coal away from the fire and it cools. Re-enter the local church and friendships so people can actually help—don’t white-knuckle alone.

3) Legal stewardship now, not later. Meet an elder-law attorney for asset protection and to review POA/health-care POA/will (I recommend naming three decision-makers in order). Remember the five-year look-back—waiting shrinks options. Using your spouse’s resources for his care is stewardship, not selfishness.

4) Quick home-alone safety check. If he can’t scan and find items out of sight (open the fridge → find food; open a drawer → find the phone), he’s no longer safe to be alone—let that guide next steps.

One small step this week: Barbara chose to return to church twice a month and start the elder-law consult. Small, faithful steps create spaciousness for your soul and safety for your home. Join our community if you need companions for the journey—steady prayer, coaching, and tools you can use right away.

Don’t walk alone. The Christian DigniCare Society (lifetime, under $100) gives you community, coaching, prayer, and practical tools. https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/cds

💬 What Do I Say When Dementia Makes Words Hard? Get “What Do I Say? How to Connect with Your Loved One with Dementia” — a free guide for Christian caregivers navigating confusion, repetition, and emotional moments. 📥 Download the guide now: https://www.dementiacaregivingmadeeasy.com/script

🤝 You Don’t Have to Do This Alone Join other Christian caregivers who are walking this road too — and learning how to care with compassion, clarity, and faith. 👥 Join the free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dementiacaregiversupportforchristians

🗣️ Ask Your Question Live — and Be Heard Bring your real-life caregiving questions to Ask the Dementia Coach — our free monthly Q&A session. You’ll get support, clarity, and maybe even be featured on the podcast. 🎤 Register here: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/ask

🎓 Want to Reduce Overwhelm Right Now? Join our free workshop: How to Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress — in 3 Simple Steps 🎟️ Reserve your seat: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/wsl

🧭 Still Feeling Stuck? If you’re wondering what’s underneath your stress, the Caregiver Stress Assessment can help clarify what’s really weighing you down — so you can take your next step with peace. 📊 Take the free assessment: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/dca

❤️ Enjoy This Podcast? Leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify — it helps other Christian caregivers find encouragement and real help. 🎧 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts