Why do you know exactly what you should do when you're triggered but still find yourself doing the exact opposite? Why does understanding your patterns perfectly not stop you from repeating them?

This episode is about that maddening gap between intellectual knowledge and actual behavior change. It's for everyone who's read all the therapy books, saved all the Instagram quotes, and still finds themselves people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, and running from discomfort like their life depends on it.

Not a how-to guide. Not five easy steps. Just someone else stuck in the same messy middle, figuring out how to be gentle with herself while still showing up to do the inner work.

If you've ever felt like you should be further along by now, or like everyone else got the manual on emotional regulation and you're just winging it, this one's for you. Voice journaling meets vulnerability.

Read the full essay that inspired this episode.

This is the second episode of Audio Spells from The Blue Algorithm: a voice-note series exploring emotional truth, nervous system wisdom, and the gap between who we think we should be and who we actually are.

Song featured: "safety scissors" by @melissageurts

Created by Melissa Geurts⁠, Group Executive Creative Director at Good Housekeeping and founder of The Blue Algorithm.

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If this cracked something open for you pass it on. Or don't. This one might just be for you.

Topics discussed: emotional regulation, behavior change, inner work, nervous system wisdom, trauma patterns, people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, therapy books, self-help fatigue, emotional truth, vulnerability

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