Pour one out for Eddie Bauer, because today’s daily comedy podcast starts with the official death of yet another mall staple — and immediately spirals into a full-blown nostalgia spiral that only The Rizzuto Show could pull off. What starts as bad news for quilted jackets turns into an emotional support group for anyone who ever owned an Eddie Bauer Bronco, Explorer, or vest their dad still refuses to throw away.

From there, the crew goes deep into the archives of dead retail dreams. Blockbuster. Borders. KB Toys. Gadzooks. Sam Goody. Tower Records. Crestwood Mall (but ONLY the correct year). Everyone has a store they’d resurrect if given the chance, and the list keeps growing until it becomes painfully clear that malls didn’t die — we just stopped going. Mostly because now we can buy everything online while wearing sweatpants and avoiding eye contact.

Then things get darker. Way darker. The show reacts in real time to shocking news out of Branson involving a once-famous magician duo now facing serious federal charges. It’s uncomfortable, infuriating, and handled the only way this daily comedy show knows how — honest reactions, zero tolerance, and immediate career-ending “ta-da.”

Thankfully, the mood rebounds with actual good news (we know, weird): America’s life expectancy just hit an all-time high. The crew debates what that means, who’s optimistic, who’s pessimistic, and whether eating garbage fast food within 100 yards of your house might be holding us back as a nation. Spoiler: it is.

But criminals aren’t done stealing the spotlight. High-tech thieves are now planting hidden cameras in shrubs to case houses, cloning key fobs to steal luxury vehicles, and proving once again that crime is apparently a tech startup now. The gang swaps personal horror stories about lost keys, cloned cars, and the terrifying realization that someone may have broken into a vehicle… and left because they couldn’t drive stick.

We wrap with scam text warnings, why replying “STOP” is a trap, and one absolutely unhinged car wash story involving a man who tried to enter through the exit like rules are optional suggestions. All of it adds up to another beautifully chaotic daily comedy show where the news is weird, the nostalgia hurts, and no one should ever trust a magician again.

• Branson magicians accused of sexual exploitation of children
• Burglars planting hidden cameras to scout Bay Area homes
• N.J. auto theft ring stole "millions of dollars worth" of vehicles, used Bronx garages as showrooms
• NEVER respond to junk or spam text messages

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