It’s 2025 and we’ve had another presidential election. One third of the country is in despair about it, a third is uncomfortably wondering what genie they let out of the bottle, another third is blindly, blissfully joyful, and I’m still not allowed to watch the news.

The dogs, in case you’re wondering, are fine with it. All pets are Communists. They provide no output other than unconditional love and disgusting things I have to bag up and throw away. They live free off the state (which in this case is me and Mrs. I’m Not Allowed to Watch The News) and are unaffected by distant regime change.

Since we’re not dogs, it’s time to face some unpleasant truths about America and start focusing on what’s next instead of what happened.

It’s actually the American Way, if you think about it.

We get our heads out of our asses, quit our bitching, and figure out the best way to serve the cause of the United States of America on this episode of I’m Not Allowed to Watch the News.

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It's been 246 years since George Washington watched his army limp its way into winter quarters at Valley Forge.

The enemy held the capital, the Congress was unable to do anything, the army had spent the year getting beaten by the British, and when the weather got better, the British would put an end to this inconvenient rebellion.

But that didn't happen.

We look at why the American winter at Valley Forge was so important, why we're still talking about it today at the start of an election year that feels all too distressingly familiar, and what we can do to stop our country's decline.

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Not ones to leave the U.S. Constitution alone, the dogs and I decide to abolish the Electoral College.

This puts us at odds not only with the small states of the Union, but with our favorite Founding Father (and birthday buddy) Alexander Hamilton. But we're not going to throw away our shot on what has become a partisan coup machine.

So it has to go.

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