I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be happy for getting ghosted, but here we are. It's almost like the only way to truly get over your fear of rejection and abandonment is to get repeatedly rejected and abandoned. In other words, the only way out is through, and this is me finally getting to the other side of my breakup. The deep pain it caused pushed me to learn more about attachment styles, not just from how they behave in their adult life, but where that behavior comes from. By finally coming to a deeper understanding, do I really see that people's coping mechanisms have a lot more to do with them than they have to do with you. We can be so quick to internalize people's rejections as indications that we are inadequate, but sometimes it can be because we're so impactful that we leave a mark they don't know what to do with. In any case, this is me leaving shame and blame behind and finally owning the skills I always needed to be healthy in relationships. If ghosting got me more stable self-worth, honed emotional regulation skills, healthier communication understanding, deeper wisdom on attachment, the ability to recognize my own and others' cognitive distortions and emotional reasoning impacting their logic when in a triggered state, greater discernment to be stronger than my need, diversifying my needs, and finally come back to myself in a way that I'll never abandon myself again - then I guess it was a win. Sometimes painful consequences are necessary to shake you out from behaviors that are out of balance so you will finally be motivated to make the necessary changes - and that was definitely the case for me. Now that I have really felt and processed and learned the lessons from this breakup, I'm finally ready to move on and let it all go. Hope it helps you do the same.

In the beginning of me learning emotional regulation, I didn’t really know how to “feel my feelings” - like what did that even mean or look like? I put together this short little audio guide to give you a real time example of how I emotionally regulated today - putting blueprint for the anxiously attached overview into a real life practicum. When we get more into interrupting the cycle, I’ll have different situations to work off of, but since this was relevant now, wanted to give you an example of what emotional regulation really looks like in your day to day life in practice - not just theory. Hope this helps!

For some, breakups are just, "he's not for me, I'm over it." They mean it and they move on. For me, it's, "why did this happen? What did I do? How are they seeing me? Why won't they come back?" And then I go and do a doctorate analysis on the "why." I find it extremely hard to let go even when the person has proven to not be a good fit for me. Now instead of asking myself why they left, I'm asking myself why do I do this at all? In this episode, I explore why it's so hard for an anxiously attached - a person who fears abandonment and loathes rejection - to move on. In the moment it can feel like your whole world is crashing down, but what if everything was simply just coming together? What this breakup was just a mirror to get you to see the more profound lessons your soul needs to learn in order to find and keep the love you truly desire.