In this week’s Listener Letter, we meet Dani, who shares their experience of a working relationship that spanned eight years, one that began in mutual respect and creative fire, and slowly devolved into manipulation, emotional intimidation, and a cycle of abuse that nearly destroyed their marriage and mental health.

It’s a painfully honest account of what it’s like to work side-by-side with a narcissist as your co-founder or collaborator. As the stakes got higher, the gaslighting became more brutal, and the writer found themselves slowly absorbing the narcissist’s traits, from bullying, controlling, and drinking alcohol to cope.

What happens when we lose ourselves in the name of loyalty, reputation, or protecting something we helped build? And how do we forgive ourselves when survival morphs us into someone we barely recognise?

Expert Insight

Clinical psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani offers compassionate, trauma-informed insight into:

• The idealise–devalue–discard cycle common in narcissistic abuse
• How trauma bonding and avoidance behaviours (like drinking, people-pleasing, or becoming aggressive) become survival responses
• The difference between manipulation masked as admiration and genuine partnership
• Why grief, self-forgiveness and radical acceptance are essential to healing

Key themes

• Complicity and Enabling: Dani saw themselves as anti-toxic leadership, yet found themselves protecting abuse out of fear and loyalty
• Manipulation as Maintenance: Compliments, gifts, and praise were used after abuse to reset power dynamics
• Trauma Responses: Mirroring narcissistic traits (e.g., passive-aggression, control, drinking) as a form of survival
• Reputation over Reality: The fear of damaging the company’s image kept the abuse hidden and unchallenged
• Psychological Spillover at Home: Dani’s personal life suffered deeply from mental health crises, alcohol misuse, and family breakdown

Why this episode matters

This story will resonate with founders, creatives, managers, and anyone who has stayed in toxic dynamics longer than they should, especially when success, identity, or loyalty is on the line. Dani’s story shows how long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse erodes your values, your behaviour, and your sense of self. And it highlights the most painful part of all: realising you were complicit in harm while trying to survive it.

Bonus episodes

Listener Letters are real stories submitted by the Other Box community, sharing lived experiences of navigating toxic workplaces and narcissistic dynamics. Each letter is anonymised, read aloud, and followed by expert insight from clinical psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani. Together, we unpack the behavioural patterns at play and share tools for clarity, support and recovery. We hope these real-life accounts allow you to recognise the signs sooner and start focusing on how to reclaim your life.

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Narcissism At Work is a co-production from Other Box and Breaking Atoms. Subscribe to get new episodes as soon as they drop.

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