I have one. You have one. And sometimes it’s been there so long you barely notice until one day, one decision or one change shows you just how much it’s been influencing your confidence all along.

For me, it was fat noise. A constant din of “You’re too big. People are judging you. You can’t do this.” And it showed up everywhere: trying on clothes, climbing stairs, getting on planes, even in photos I’d snap for work.

It wasn’t just about how I looked; it was about how I felt in the world, how I carried myself, and how I made decisions. Even though I told myself over and over that “body shape doesn’t matter,” the truth is it did—just not in a way I understood until I lost 40 pounds.

Of course my body changed, but unexpectedly, so did my mental landscape.

Suddenly, I could see how much of my life had been shaped by guilt, shame, and self-blame. Fat noise had been controlling me for decades, whispering that I lacked self-control and that every ache or limitation was my fault.

My fat noise could be your imposter syndrome, achievement anxiety or health worries. But whatever is it is, the lesson is the same and I’ll school you in it in this episode. So hit play and let me be the voice in your ear that cuts through the noise and puts you back in control of your confidence.

You know that moment when life drops something heavy in your lap and your brain does that “oh hell no” spiral?

The call you didn’t expect, the crisis you never planned for, the “oh my god, what do I even do next” moment?

In this episode, I sit down with my friend and total powerhouse Debra Woog, and we get brutally honest about what confidence looks like when everything is falling apart — not the Instagram version, the real-life, messy, human version.

Debra talks about the crisis that knocked her flat, the one that forced her to rebuild confidence from the ground up. And hearing her walk through it — calmly, clearly, and with that signature Debra groundedness — felt like someone turning on a light in a room I didn’t realize had gone dim. She doesn’t sugarcoat anything, and that’s what makes it so damn comforting.

We also get into that weird, almost guilty feeling of being “the strong one” even when you don’t feel strong. Debra lays out how she learned to ask for help (like, actually ask) and how that became the turning point for getting her confidence back. I swear, I felt this in my bones.

This conversation is the reminder every single one of us needs: confidence isn’t about being unshakeable. It's about remembering who you are while you're being shaken. Debra shows us exactly how to do that and with so much grace it’ll make you exhale in relief.

Highlights from our conversation:

• Why confidence during a crisis never looks the way we expect ( and why that’s actually a good thing)
• How to keep showing up for your life even when your energy, identity or sense of control feels wobbly
• Why asking for help is actually one of the strongest confidence moves you can make (and how Debra learned to do it)
• How to remind yourself who you are and what you can handle when life hits hard
• The simple daily practice Debra used to stop spiraling and start stabilizing

Connect2 Corporation founder and Principal Crisis Navigation Partner® Debra A. Woog (pronounced “Vogue”) has 30+ years of experience as a leadership researcher, executive, and advisor. Debra empowers highly competent women facing challenging circumstances with the expertise, empathy, and structure to connect with the right resources, communicate effectively, and lead with a clear mind and a solid strategy. Learn more about Debra at connectwo.com.

You know those days when you look around and suddenly realize, “Wait… I earned all this”? That’s the vibe of this episode. I’m sitting here, sipping something strong, telling you the truth we forget way too often: the confidence we’re walking around with didn’t fall from the sky. All those skills, talents, relationships, even the weird little wins? We built them. And when you start seeing your life through that lens… oh, everything shifts. Opportunities don’t just magically appear — you finally notice them.

What really struck me as I recorded this is how easy it is to sleepwalk through our own success. We miss the good stuff, the right people, the “doors” we were absolutely meant to walk through, simply because we’re rushing or doubting or distracted. But when you get intentional about it, suddenly people become more interesting, and you become more interesting right back. It's wild how quickly that builds confidence on both sides.

I also tell you about this little end-of-day ritual I swear by: finding the small wins. Not gratitude — that’s great, but it can feel like everything just happened to you. This is different. This is claiming the moments where you actually moved something forward. And yes, sometimes that “small win” is someone making your day. Other times, it’s you making theirs. A text. A compliment. A pot of soup. A connection email. A tiny spark of humanity that lands exactly right for someone.

That’s where your superpower lives — in how you lift someone else up. The deeper stuff counts the most: thanking the role models you never properly acknowledged, circling back to the friend who showed up when you didn’t even ask, telling the people in your life that they mattered in ways they might not even realize. Identifying these isn’t a to-do and there’s no pressure. It’s just the simplest daily boost you can give yourself and the world.

If you’ve been feeling stuck or doubting whether you’re really “doing enough,” this episode is your permission slip to look again — really look — at what you’ve earned, what you’ve created and the confidence you can give away just by showing up with a little more intention. Pour your favorite drink, take a breath, and join me for this one. It hits exactly where it needs to.