Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!

Why Confronting Your Spouse's Limerence Always Backfires (And What to Do Instead)
If you’ve discovered your spouse is in an affair, your first instinct is likely to confront them, expose the truth, and demand they "wake up." But as many heartbroken spouses discover, this almost always pushes them further away. Why?

In today’s video, Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes and Dr. Joe Beam explain the psychological "brain takeover" known as Limerence. When a spouse is in this state, they aren't just making a bad choice—they are experiencing a chemical addiction similar to OCD.

Learn why your efforts to "fix" them are failing and how to shift your strategy to actually save your marriage.

🔍 In this video, we cover:
The Limerence Trap: Why your spouse seems like a completely different person.

The Confrontation Backfire: Why attacking the "Affair Partner" makes your spouse defend them even more.

The Science of Limerence: How dopamine and "Affair Fog" create a fantasy world that logic cannot break.

The 3 Things You Must Stop Doing: If you want any hope of reconciliation, you must stop these three specific behaviors immediately.

The Path to Reconciliation: How to focus on what YOU can control to become the person your spouse eventually wants to come back to.

What is Limerence?
Limerence is a state of mind which results from romantic feelings for another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated. In a marriage, this often looks like "Affair Fog," where the spouse becomes erratic, re-writes marital history, and seeks a "dopamine high" from a new partner.

🆘 Need Help Saving Your Marriage?
If you are in the middle of a marriage crisis, you don't have to do this alone.

Our Workshop: https://bit.ly/3ZhA1bt

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper

Follow our other channels!
📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!

Does it feel like you are living with a ghost? Your spouse comes home, eats dinner, and sleeps in the same bed, but they aren't really there. If you are dealing with a spouse who is indifferent, numb, or emotionally walled off, you are likely asking yourself: "Can a marriage like this be saved when I'm the only one trying?"

In this video, Coach Nathan from Marriage Helper explains exactly why your spouse has checked out and how to get them to check back in—without forcing them.

👇 FREE RESOURCE: 10 TEXTS TO RECONNECT WITHOUT PRESSURE 👇 https://bit.ly/4b1Yfh6

IN THIS VIDEO: You will learn the difference between "Push Behaviors" (which drive your spouse further away) and "Pull Behaviors" (which invite them back in). We break down the psychology of the "emotional callus"—how your spouse became numb over time—and introduce you to the S.M.A.R.T. Contact method to begin dismantling their walls.

KEY CONCEPTS EXPLAINED:

Why has my spouse checked out? Rarely does a spouse check out overnight. Just like playing a guitar builds calluses on fingertips to resist pain, your spouse has built emotional calluses to shield themselves from negative emotions, feeling unheard, or shame. To save the marriage, you must stop pressing on the "bruise" and start changing the environment.

What is SMART Contact? If you want to save your marriage, you need to stop "Push Behaviors" (begging, pleading, forcing relationship talks) and start using SMART Contact.

• S - Stop Push Behaviors: Stop doing things that elicit negative emotions in your spouse (crying, begging, arguing about the relationship).
• M - Manage Business Items: Only discuss necessary logistics (kids, finances, schedule) without letting emotion bleed into the conversation.
• A - Allow for Conversation: Don't go "No Contact" (that is manipulation). Be open to talking if they initiate, but let them lead.
• R - Respond Strongly, Calmly, & Gently: Watch your tone and body language. Be a safe place for them.
• T - Take it One Day at a Time: Consistency and patience are key. You cannot fix years of damage in a few days.

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper

Follow our other channels!
📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!

If you are watching this, it’s likely your wife wants a divorce, and you want to save the marriage. If you are willing to take responsibility and step up as a leader, not a dictator, but a true husband and father, this video is for you.

In this video, Dr. Joe Beam breaks down the psychology behind why women leave and introduces the concept of the "Push" and the "Pull." It isn't about magic bullets; it's about understanding the deep-seated "whys" behind her decision and taking specific actions to turn it around.

👇 BOOK A FREE CALL WITH OUR TEAM 👇
https://bit.ly/4bbPp0g

If you are asking, "Why does my wife want a divorce?", it almost always comes down to three specific dynamics.

1. The Push (Driving Her Away) This occurs when your behavior evokes negative emotions in your wife. Even if you didn't mean to, things like angry outbursts, ignoring her, controlling behavior, or making her feel disrespected push her out the door.

The Fix: Identify what behaviors are causing her pain and STOP them immediately.

2. The Lack of Pull (No Emotional Connection) You might not be pushing her away, but you aren't drawing her in. A lack of pull means you aren't evoking positive emotions. She needs to feel heard, understood, accepted, and safe.

The Fix: Learn to listen to understand (not to fix) and create a safe emotional space.

3. The Outside Pull (A Better Option) This isn't always another man. An outside pull can be a dream, a career, a new self-image, or a lifestyle she desires more than her current life with you.

The Warning: Do not try to attack the outside pull (or the other guy). It will only make her defend it. Focus on fixing your own pushes and pulls.

ABOUT THE VIDEO
If your wife has said "I love you but I'm not in love with you," or if she is already filing for divorce, panic is your enemy. Many men react by begging, pleading, or getting angry—all of which act as "pushes."

Dr. Joe explains that saving a marriage requires:

Owning your part: Admitting that you may have contributed to the breakdown.

Willingness to learn: Moving past "I know everything" and seeking expert help.

Urgency: Understanding that waiting for her to "come to her senses" usually leads to divorce.

Recommended Resource: We have worked with over 25,000 couples with a high success rate, even when one spouse wanted out. If you are willing to make the investment of time and effort, check out our 3-Day Intensive Workshop.

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper

Follow our other channels!
📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam