In this pivotal episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis take listeners into one of the most damaging elements of betrayal trauma: gaslighting. While the term is often used casually in modern culture, Kevin and MaryAnn break it down clinically and relationally, helping listeners understand how gaslighting reshapes a person’s reality and intensifies post-traumatic stress symptoms.

MaryAnn explains the origins of the term and how betrayed partners often experience it as “crazy-making.” When someone senses something is off, but their partner denies, minimizes, or dismisses the concern, the betrayed partner begins to question not only their spouse—but themselves. Dr. Skinner shares the research behind his gaslighting scale and reveals a critical finding: gaslighting is the strongest predictor of PTSD symptoms among betrayed partners, even more influential than adverse childhood experiences.

Together they describe how denial, blame, minimizing, hiding, and lying distort a betrayed partner’s internal compass. Gaslighting becomes a form of psychological abuse, causing confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of trust in one’s own instincts. This erosion of personal reality leaves many partners unsure of what is true and what to believe.

The episode also highlights the path forward—what Gaslighting No More truly means. Dr. Skinner outlines the transformational role of a formal therapeutic disclosure, impact letter, and emotional restitution letter. These structured interventions help restore truth, rebuild safety, and begin repairing the relational damage caused by deception. MaryAnn emphasizes the importance of trained therapists, thoughtful pacing, and emotional support as couples engage in this process.

Listeners are reminded: your reality matters, and reclaiming it is essential to healing. Whether within the relationship or individually, addressing gaslighting is foundational to restoring trust, clarity, and emotional stability.

• Skinner, K. — Internal research on gaslighting, deception, and PTSD correlations.

• Kefer, S. (2018). Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Betrayal.

• Carnes, S. — ITAP foundational work on sex addiction and partner trauma.

• Vaughn, P. (1989). The Monogamy Myth. Research on the healing effects of discussing betrayal details.

• CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study.

• Dr. Kevin Skinner – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

• Dr. Kevin Skinner – Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal

  • Chapter 13: Gaslighting No More

• Psychological abuse dynamics

• Denial, blame, and deception patterns

• Therapeutic Disclosure Model (FTD)

• PTSD symptoms associated with betrayal trauma

• IITAP.com — Directory of Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) and Certified Partner Trauma Therapists (CPTT)

• HumanIntimacy.com/Rise — Free betrayal trauma assessment including gaslighting and PTSD indicators

• Human Intimacy educational groups, intensives, and therapeutic programs led by Dr. Skinner

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most painful and often hidden impacts of betrayal: how it reshapes the way you see yourself. After discovering sexual betrayal, many individuals experience a surge of negative self-beliefs — I’m not enough… something must be wrong with me… I should have known… I’m unlovable. Dr. Skinner describes this internal narrative as a “virus” that embeds itself in a person’s belief system, making it difficult to see oneself accurately or compassionately.

MaryAnn explains how, developmentally, our brains are wired to seek approval, interpret social cues, and continually scan for safety. When betrayal shatters the foundation of a relationship, these systems go into overdrive, amplifying old insecurities, childhood patterns, and even generational messages about worth. Together, Kevin and MaryAnn highlight that while these negative cognitions feel overpowering, they are understandable responses to trauma — not reflections of your true value.

Listeners are reminded of a crucial truth: your worth has never changed. Negative self-talk may be loud, but it is not accurate. Healing involves challenging distorted beliefs, surrounding yourself with trustworthy voices, and engaging in therapeutic tools that help reframe your internal narrative. The hosts discuss powerful interventions such as attachment-focused EMDR, cognitive reframing, and guided support from safe attachment figures. This episode offers clarity, validation, and hope for anyone struggling to reclaim their sense of identity after betrayal.

• Brené Brown – Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection (shame, worthiness, identity)

• Mark Wolynn – It Didn’t Start With You (generational trauma and inherited beliefs)

• Dr. Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score (trauma stored in the body)

• Francine Shapiro – EMDR framework and negative cognitions model

• Attachment-Focused EMDR

• Cognitive reframing and restructuring

• Identifying core negative beliefs (“I’m not enough,” “I’m unlovable”)

• Inner narrative awareness: If I could hear your thoughts 24/7…

• Using secure attachment figures (past or present) for grounding

• Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal https://www.humanintimacy.com/rise

• Human Intimacy Podcast episodes related to identity, shame, and worth

• Reclaim and trauma-focused intensives with Dr. Kevin Skinner

Understanding PTSD Symptoms After Sexual Betrayal

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaels dive deep into why sexual betrayal is best understood through the lens of trauma and PTSD. They discuss the history of partner responses—moving away from the outdated “co-addict” model—and explain how research since the mid-2000s has validated that betrayed partners often experience symptoms identical to PTSD.

Together, they explore the five PTSD criteria as they relate to betrayal:

• Criteria B: Reliving it through triggers, flashbacks, and nightmares.

• Criteria C: Avoidance of people, places, or even one’s own emotions.

• Criteria D: Negative mood and cognitions, including shame, self-blame, and feeling “not enough.”

• Criteria E: Hyperarousal and hypervigilance, including sleep issues and self-harm risk.

• Criteria A: Threats to life, including risks of STDs, sexual violence, or unsafe relationship dynamics.

This episode emphasizes that betrayed partners are not crazy—their reactions are normal trauma responses. By identifying symptoms through proper assessments, betrayed partners can validate their experiences and take steps toward healing.

• Assessment: Trauma Inventory for Betrayed Partners (free access)

• Skinner, K. (2018). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal.

• Stephens, B., & Rennie, R. (2006). Early research linking betrayal trauma with PTSD symptoms.

• American Psychiatric Association. (2013). DSM-5: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (for PTSD criteria).

Additional Recommended Reading & Support

• Becker, M. (2019). Compassion for Couples: Building the Skills of Loving Connection.

• Mays, M. (2023). The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst.

• Keffer, S. (2018). Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal.

• HumanIntimacy.com — courses, resources, and upcoming retreats.