Skill, Capacity, Desire
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Skill, Capacity, Desire
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Nuance and human context, Ni’coel warns, are sacrificed on the altar of tidy TikTok taxonomies that pose as “wisdom” yet let us hide instead of grow. After years of pattern-tracking, she has traced every breakdown, or breakthrough, of intimacy, leadership, and collaboration to a three-part scaffold:
Skill — practiced competency: noticing, naming, communicating, executing.
Capacity — nervous-system range: the load-bearing substrate that can stay with pleasure, threat, ambiguity, intimacy without numbing or ejecting.
Desire — the animating appetite: willingness to pay the initiation fee of change.
This triad serves as a diagnostic dashboard for founders, spouses, and strategists alike: locate the missing leg and you know where to invest practice, regulation work, or motivational fire. Ignore it, and friction-free substitutions accrue “decision debt,” eroding the relational field where real intelligence lives.