This week on the Spicy Brain Podcast, Michelle and Megan begin part one of their deep dive into parenting personalities from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus. Whether you’re parenting your child, your inner child, your pug, or your partner, chances are you’ve met these personalities before. You might even be one.

From the chaotic cheer of Super Parent Sue to the loneliness of Lost Lois and the simmering guilt of Fix-It Fran, this episode explores how our own trauma, shame, and nervous systems shape the way we show up for others, and ourselves. Megan shares how her inner drill sergeant still shouts at her even when she’s doing her best, while Michelle reflects on years of perfectionism and the moment she finally let someone else in.

You’ll laugh, you’ll reflect, you’ll probably recognize yourself in more than one of these archetypes. And just like every Spicy Brain episode, we offer up a dose of compassion, humor, and hope… with a little sparkle and a high kick.

Favorite line from the episode: “She asked me for help, and it was the greatest moment of my life.”

00:00 intro, new listeners, spicy synapses, and mostly neurotypical butlers

03:00 what the book is and how we’re using it

05:00 parenting complex kids, parenting your inner child, or parenting your pug

07:00 archetype #1: Angry Anne or Andy — the inner drill sergeant

09:15 yelling works… but at what cost?

11:00 archetype #2: Super Parent Sue — when doing it all becomes a trap

13:30 the Wilson House memory and letting someone in

15:00 archetype #3: Lost Lois — parenting without a roadmap

17:45 feeling unseen, unheard, and “othered”

19:15 stepparent loneliness and invisible parenting roles

20:00 archetype #4: Maxed-Out Maxine — spinning brains and burnout

22:30 what COVID forced us to confront

25:15 is this mine or is this yours?

26:00 archetype #5: Fix-It Fran — ping-ponging through systems

29:00 radical unicorns and reframing “disorder”

31:00 it’s not about fixing someone who isn’t broken

33:30 fear-based parenting and where it comes from

36:00 EMDR, trauma loops, and the work it takes

37:00 the boulder analogy — how much are you carrying that isn’t yours?

40:00 tech boundaries, natural consequences, and Gen Alpha

43:00 archetype #6: Nagging Nan — a million butlers, none of them mine

46:00 is it support… or is it control?

49:15 the math fight: when to fall on your sword vs. let it go

51:00 natural consequences vs. internalized shame

53:00 how Josh learned to attend — and why it mattered

56:00 from homework timers to independence

59:00 reframing, repair, and the belief that change is possible

01:01:00 hope lives in the process

01:03:00 when language triggers disconnection

01:04:00 how to create a world that works for your brain

01:06:00 which archetype are you? And yes, we need more male names.

01:07:00 preview of next week’s archetypes — get ready for anxious Ava and denying Dale!

ADHD parenting, complex kids, neurodivergent families, trauma-informed parenting, parenting styles, emotional regulation, burnout, Fix-It Fran, Lost Lois, Angry Anne, Super Parent Sue, archetypes,...

UPDATED** - We had a technical glitch where about ten minutes of the audio cut out Megan's voice. While Michelle does enjoy talking, she wasn't having a one-sided conversation. lol

Welcome back to the Spicy Brain Podcast! In this final part of our deep dive into parenting archetypes from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, Michelle and Megan explore the last three personality patterns — Demanding Dave, Defensive Drew, and Bootstrap Bessie — with their signature blend of heart, honesty, and humor.

If you’ve ever heard phrases like “Life’s not fair” or “You just need to do what’s expected of you,” this episode will hit home. Through personal stories, uncomfortable truths, and the occasional pug pee metaphor, they examine how trauma, shame, and generational patterns can sneak into our parenting, and how we can shift toward curiosity and repair instead.

Favorite line from the episode: “You’re never gonna have a butler.”

00:00 intro and why the high kick has to be low

01:15 welcome to new listeners and a recap of the book

03:30 Demand #1: Demanding Dave and Darlene “Just get the socks on!”

06:45 the San Francisco trip, light bulbs, and the Alcatraz mug

11:00 time blindness, accommodations, and why being early is survival

15:10 Megan’s rescue pug as a metaphor for ADHD parenting

18:30 learning to parent without shame, and with sparkles

22:45 “You’re never gonna have a butler”: when language shapes identity

25:00 how expectations can fail when they ignore invisible disabilities

29:00 Defensive Drew — when parenting becomes performance

33:00 othering, vertical games, and looking for parents who get it

36:00 trauma, defensiveness, and the spinny brain

40:30 how therapy (and therapy avoidance) shows up in family patterns

45:00 Bootstrap Bessie: suck-it-up culture and emotional dismissal

48:30 lack of empathy for ourselves and how to break that cycle

51:15 how “suck it up” becomes a stop sign in conversations

53:00 revisiting all 15 archetypes as ways we shut down connection

58:00 what happens after the awareness, the power of "up until now"

01:00:00 the repair process in parenting and neurodiverse relationships

01:03:00 preview: the four-step strategy for managing triggers

01:04:30 final thoughts on values, time, and why parenting is an 18-year interview

ADHD parenting, parenting archetypes, complex kids, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, neurodivergent families, time blindness, emotional triggers, radical acceptance, self-repair, parenting trauma, invisible disabilities, generational patterns, childhood shame, reparenting, expectations vs reality, neurospicy podcast

If you saw yourself in more than one parenting type, you are absolutely not alone, and awareness is the first step toward change. Next week, we’ll shift from insight to strategy with four powerful steps to manage your triggers and reset the stress cycle. Follow or subscribe to the Spicy Brain Podcast so you don’t miss it, and leave us a review to help other neurospicy folks find us too.

Until then, stay curious, stay joyful, and bring a whole lot of radical acceptance.

In this heartfelt and funny continuation of last week’s episode, Michelle and Megan tackle the second half of the ADHD parenting personality types from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, and reflect on how those same patterns shape how we parent ourselves.

From the anxiety-fueled planning of Anxious Ava to the quiet retreat of Distant Dana, the sisters explore how these archetypes show up in real life, in restaurants, in parenting, and even in podcast recording sessions. Megan shares candid stories about growing up with learned rules and what it means to finally break them, while Michelle gets real about what it's like to catch yourself reacting from a place of fear or habit.

They also dive into the concept of emotional permanence, the idea that some of us need regular reminders that we are loved, even if we’ve just had a great day. This episode is a reminder that you’re not alone in your patterns, your fears, or your flailing Kermit moments, and that naming those patterns might be the first step to changing them.

favorite line from the episode: “He's not gonna inject heroin into his eyeballs.”

00:00 welcome back and defining parenting in all its forms

04:00 parenting as a village — dogs, stepkids, and inner children

05:50 Anxious Ava: planning, fear, and over-control

11:15 pushing past the panic spiral

12:00 Pushover Pat and setting boundaries

16:30 mental health days and radical honesty

20:00 Denying Dale and societal myths about ADHD

25:30 Playful Peter and learned helplessness

31:00 Distant Dana and parenting avoidance

35:00 emotional permanence and unspoken rules

42:15 shifting perspective with “up until now”

45:10 how we parent different people differently

47:30 radical acceptance — even when you’re tired

ADHD, ADHD women, parenting archetypes, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, neurodivergent parenting, anxious parenting, emotional permanence, childhood rules, inner child, emotional regulation, mental health, radical acceptance, masking, executive function, sibling podcast, self-awareness, neurodivergent adults

If any of these parenting patterns hit close to home, we see you. Share this episode with a friend who might relate, or revisit Episode 95 to hear the first half of the parenting archetypes. And don’t forget to follow or subscribe so you don’t miss next week’s dive into Defensive Drew, Demanding Randy, and more. Until then, stay curious, joyful, and full of radical acceptance.