Step 1 in my stroke recovery started the same way Step 1 did in my sobriety. I had to admit that I’m powerless over my disability just as I did my alcoholism, and that my life had become unmanageable. I was in denial prior to the moment of admission in both situations. No one could see what was wrong with me, and with both, all the pain was between my ears. I could describe symptoms, explain the pain, but I dismissed the severity with both. I tried to function normally while the pain gradually got worse each time. I pushed through and convinced myself the pain would go away. It never did.

Step One taught me to become self-aware. Stroke recovery took that lesson I learned in sobriety and turned the volume all the way up. Now I’m conscious of my eye movement, my pace, my gaze, the tiny shifts that most people don’t even notice but trigger pain for me. I see the same pattern in my addiction cravings and my impulse in stroke recovery to push beyond the limits of what my brain can do. My biggest challenge isn’t knowing what I can’t do, it’s accepting it.

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