Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.com

How often are you really supposed to be having sex? Spoiler alert: You've been asking the wrong question.

Society pushes a "magic number" for sexual frequency that's causing more harm than good. The truth? There is no normal. We're diving deep into why the three-times-a-week standard is BS, how desire actually works in long-term relationships, and the one thing that matters more than counting sessions—quality and connection.

Ed and Phoebe challenge everything you thought you knew about sex in relationships, from the myth of spontaneous desire to why 80% of women can't orgasm the way we've been told they should. Drawing on research from Dr. Karen Gurney's "Mind the Gap" and insights from the swinging lifestyle, we reveal practical strategies to build sexual currency without adding pressure, understand responsive desire, and create the conditions where passion can thrive.

What You'll Learn:

• Why comparing your sex life to society's "normal" is killing your intimacy
• The two types of desire and why waiting to "feel like it" sets you up for failure
• How to build sexual currency through non-sexual intimacy (yes, doing dishes counts!)
• Why penetrative sex is women's least preferred sexual activity—and what that means for satisfaction
• The surprising connection between household chores and sexual satisfaction
• How the swinging lifestyle opened up game-changing conversations about sex
• Why humans aren't biologically wired for monogamy (and what that means for your relationship)

Timestamps:

• 00:00 - Opening: The Question Everyone's Thinking
• 01:02 - The Frequency Myth: Society's Broken Benchmark
• 05:40 - Why We're Having Less Sex: Modern Intimacy Killers
• 11:20 - How Desire Really Works: Spontaneous vs. Responsive
• 16:30 - Arousal Non-Concordance: When Mind and Body Don't Match
• 22:10 - Building Sexual Currency: Practical Strategies That Work
• 28:00 - What Actually Matters: Quality, Communication & Flexibility
• 40:30 - The Gender Script Problem: Why PIV Isn't the Answer
• 46:00 - What Actually Helps: From Chores to Mindfulness
• 52:00 - The Big Picture: Rethinking Monogamy and Moving Forward

Support the show

3 Ways to get your question on our show:

RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/

EMAIL a recorded voice note to: swingeruniversity@gmail.com

CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Our Links:

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👉Join our vibrant community: https://swingeruniversity.com/community
🌶️Get extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity
🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net

• SwingLinks.club - Our Links
• PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links
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• Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products

* We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.com

Why does a piece of chocolate trigger the same brain chemical as meeting someone new at a swinger party?

This episode reveals the surprising neuroscience behind New Relationship Energy, dopamine addiction, and why the swinging lifestyle can feel impossible to walk away from. Ed and Phoebe break down the science of pleasure—from that 55% dopamine spike you get from chocolate to the 1000% surge from harder substances—and explain why novelty in the lifestyle hijacks your brain's reward system exactly like a drug.

In this episode of Swinger University, we explore the powerful connection between dopamine, addiction, and ethical non-monogamy, discussing why NRE feels so intoxicating, how constant stimulation affects your mental health, and practical strategies for maintaining balance in the lifestyle. Whether you're new to the swinging lifestyle, experienced in ethical non-monogamy, or simply curious about the brain chemistry behind attraction and novelty-seeking, this conversation will help you understand what's really happening in your head when you can't stop thinking about that new connection.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• The exact dopamine percentages: chocolate (55%), sex (100%), nicotine (1.5x), cocaine (2.25x), and amphetamines (10x)
• Why New Relationship Energy creates thoughts and feelings you can't control—and how long it typically lasts
• The "pleasure paradox": how constant dopamine hits from social media, food, and the lifestyle create chronic deficit states
• Real stories of NRE intensity, FOMO at swinger events, and why some people need breaks from the lifestyle
• How novelty, secrecy, quantity, and access all amplify your brain's reward response
• Practical strategies for seeking balance: recognizing addiction patterns, pacing yourself, and knowing when to step back
• Why comparison is killing your enjoyment and how to focus on your own experience

📝 Read the full transcript: https://swingeruniversity.com/the-one-chemical-behind-chocolate-swinging-and-addiction

Need support? Check out Expansive Connection for lifestyle-friendly therapy and coaching:

Support the show

3 Ways to get your question on our show:

RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/

EMAIL a recorded voice note to: swingeruniversity@gmail.com

CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Our Links:

📺YouTube - Like to watch?
👉Join our vibrant community: https://swingeruniversity.com/community
🌶️Get extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity
🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net

• SwingLinks.club - Our Links
• PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links
• EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links
• Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products

* We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you.

Send us a fun message...But if you want a response contact us at SwingerUniversity.com

Is swinging just a lighthearted hobby… or a defining lifestyle choice? In this episode of our swinger lifestyle podcast, we dive into the hobby vs lifestyle debate that’s sparking conversations across the swinger community and beyond.

We explore why some couples embrace swinging as a fun, occasional activity — a playful part of ethical non‑monogamy — while others see it as a core relationship identity tied to trust, intimacy, and community. Along the way, we unpack the emotional depth, communication skills, and social connections that make the swinger lifestyle more than just a weekend pastime.
Whether you’re curious about open relationships, navigating consensual non‑monogamy, or simply interested in how language shapes modern relationship dynamics, this conversation will challenge your perspective.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Why some call swinging a “hobby” and the benefits of that framing
• Why others find the term dismissive or offensive
• How relationship labels influence identity and belonging
• The spectrum from casual hobby to committed lifestyle
• Why there’s no one‑size‑fits‑all answer
  
  

📌 Join the conversation — What term do you use, and why? Drop your thoughts in the comments.
🔔 Subscribe for more open, honest discussions on alternative lifestyle relationships, intimacy, and community.

Support the show

3 Ways to get your question on our show:

RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/

EMAIL a recorded voice note to: swingeruniversity@gmail.com

CALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.

Our Links:

📺YouTube - Like to watch?
👉Join our vibrant community: https://swingeruniversity.com/community
🌶️Get extra episodes and exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity
🛳️Book your vacation with us: http://SwingerVacation.net

• SwingLinks.club - Our Links
• PhoebeSwinger.com - All Phoebe's Spicy 🌶️Links
• EdSwinger.com - All Ed's Spicy 🌶️Links
• Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products

* We get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, at no cost to you.