Have you ever thought…

“I know my partner loves me, so why do I still spiral over a delayed text?”

“Why does my body feel like it’s under attack - even when nothing’s wrong?”

Or why can't I feel calm when Im telling myself to calm down?

In this episode, I’m sharing something that changed the way I see my own anxiety..and my body.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk helped me finally connect the dots between my silent migraines, my chronic overthinking in relationships, and the deep survival patterns wired into my nervous system.

I’ll share: ✣ The birthday moment where my migraines got so bad I couldn’t even see the candles ..:( ✣ Why trauma isn’t just a big event — it’s what your body remembers ✣ 10 key takeaways from the book that explain exactly how anxious attachment shows up in your body ✣ What to do when your body panics, even if your partner hasn't done anything wrong

Because if you’ve ever: ➞ Felt abandoned over a slow reply ➞ Gone from “I’m fine” to “They’re leaving me” in 0.2 seconds ➞ Experienced anxiety that shows up as pain, stomach issues, tension, or emotional flooding...

Then this episode will be for you!

Attachment Library

YOUTUBE:

@theanxioustosecurecoach

📱 Text + Talk Coaching Private voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription.

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

🎯 Mini-Courses To stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety.

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca

🌱 Anxious to Secure Coaching This is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between.

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Introduction to Healing Anxious Attachment 03:19 How Anxious Attachment Impacts your Body Long-term 04:48 10 Lessons of The Body Keeps the Score + Anxious Attachment 04:56 Lesson 01 07:08 Lesson 02 08:19 Lesson 03 09:50 Lesson 04 10:48 Lesson 05 12:09 Lesson 06 13:37 Lesson 07 18:53 Lesson 08 21:33 Lesson 09 23:36 Lesson 10

I remember one night… I was crying. Not loudly. Just quietly. Silently. And he didn’t even look up.

I didn’t need him to fix it. I just needed him to care. To ask. To hold me. To see me.

But instead.. I felt invisible. Like I was too sensitive… or just not enough to be comforted.

That moment? It stuck with me. Not because of what he did — but because of the old wound it reopened.

If you’ve ever felt that ache like your partner’s emotional distance confirms a fear you’ve carried your whole life… This episode is for you. 🖤

Today on the Anxious Secure Podcast, I’m unpacking one of the most triggering, magnetic, and misunderstood dynamics in love: the anxious-avoidant relationship.

We’re diving into:

Can an anxious-avoidant relationship really work? Why do they attract each other in the first place? How does the anxious partner mirror avoidance from childhood?

• Why your partner pulling away hurts way more than it “should”

• How your nervous system is reliving childhood experiences — not just reacting to today

• Why the avoidant pulls back when you need closeness most

• How your needs might feel threatening to someone who never learned emotional intimacy

• And what happens when YOU stop taking their distance as proof that you’re too much

Have you ever felt that moment... needing comfort and getting silence instead? Share it under the YouTube video. You are so not alone, babe. 🖤

Attachment Library

YOUTUBE:

@theanxioustosecurecoach

📱 Text + Talk Coaching Private voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription.

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

🎯 Mini-Courses To stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety.

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca

🌱 Anxious to Secure Coaching This is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between.

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics 01:06 Can an anxious-avoidant relationship REALLY work? 04:15 What made the biggest difference in breaking this pattern, the Anxious-Avoidant trap? 15:55 Why do they attract each other in the first place - the anxious and avoidant? 20:11 What's the first thing you can recommend, for Anyone with an anxious attachment can try today?

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:

https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz

🖤 Attachment LIBRARY:

FREE Attachment LIBRARY

(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach

🖤 1:1 Support + Courses:

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach

I used to think healing anxious attachment would take YEARS. Therapy forever. Reading every book. Never quite getting “there.”

But what if I told you it can actually happen faster? Like… within months.. not decades.

In this episode, I’m sharing the exact method I used to go from crying in parks 🌧 to becoming secure, empowered, and finally SAFE in my own body and relationships.

It didn’t happen by luck. I created a repeatable framework that I now use with all my clients: The 4R Method ➞ Release. Rewire. Reconnect. Reflect.

🖤 You’ll hear the behind-the-scenes of my healing process - from spirals and shutdowns… to building confidence, emotional safety, and actual freedom in love.

And I’ll answer the BIG questions I get asked all the time: ✶ How did you actually go from anxious to secure? ✶ What was the one belief you had to let go of to heal? ✶ What did you replace it with instead? ✶ What do most people get wrong about anxious attachment? ✶ Can you really become secure - even if it’s felt hard for YEARS?

This is your reminder: 💭 you are not your past patterns 💭 your brain can change 💭 and yes - secure love is possible for YOU

You don’t need to fix yourself to be loved. You just need to meet yourself in a new way 🤍

Let’s dive in 🖤

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Anxious Attachment Q+A PART 2 00:51 How did you go from anxious to secure? 12:01 What is one belief you had to let go of to heal? 17:50 What did you replace this belief with? 21:16 What do people get wrong about an anxious attachment style? 28:09 What is one myth you hear all the time?

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.