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The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Auteur(s): Laura Jurgens Ph.D.
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À propos de cet audio

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.


This isn't about forcing different sex drives to align. It's about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners. Even if you're feeling rejected, lonely, guilty, broken, or ashamed for having needs—you're not. You're just missing the tools to bridge your desire discrepancy.


Every episode delivers practical strategies you can use immediately: how to boost desire, communicate without defensiveness, understand different arousal types, and reconnect with your body so intimacy feels natural again. Whether traditional relationship counseling hasn't helped or you're avoiding couples therapy altogether, these approaches work for the intimacy issues that most therapists aren't trained to handle.


Ready to stop the pursue-withdraw pattern that's creating distance and resentment? Get the science-backed roadmap to authentic connection that honors both partners' needs.


No ads. Just proven advice that works.


Disclosure: expect explicit content and swearing!

© 2025 The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives Développement personnel Hygiène et mode de vie sain Psychologie Psychologie et santé mentale Réussite
Épisodes
  • Why obligation sex destroys desire (and what works better)

    Why obligation sex destroys desire (and what works better)
    Nov 17 2025

    You think having sex when you don't really want to will keep your partner happy. But obligation sex actually destroys desire—and doesn't help either of you in the long run.

    Research shows that when you cross your own boundaries repeatedly this way, your desire drops even further. Resentment builds. And your partner can wind up feeling even more unwanted.

    I break down what actually happens with obligation sex, why it doesn't help either partner, and how to choose a different option that honors each person's truth while actually building (rather than eroding) connection.

    Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
    (Without Blame or Shame),     A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

    Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
    Voir plus Voir moins
    29 min
  • Your brain is keeping you stuck in a desire gap (here's how to override it)

    Your brain is keeping you stuck in a desire gap (here's how to override it)
    Nov 10 2025

    You know your desire discrepancy is a problem. You've known for months, maybe years. So why haven't you done anything about it? It's not laziness or lack of care—it's your brain doing exactly what evolution designed it to do. Here's how to override it.

    This episode helps you understand the neuroscience of "the comfortable pain trap," the real cost of waiting, and how to override your brain's resistance. Whether you're higher-desire or lower-desire, this episode will help you finally take action.

    Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
    (Without Blame or Shame),     A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

    Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
    Voir plus Voir moins
    44 min
  • ADHD & Desire Gaps, Part 1: High libido, low libido, or sometimes both

    ADHD & Desire Gaps, Part 1: High libido, low libido, or sometimes both
    Nov 3 2025

    If you have ADHD and your sex life feels challenging, you're not broken - your brain just works differently. Maybe you have super high libido and use sex or masturbation to feel at home in your body. Or maybe your libido is low because sex hasn't been working for your body or you're stuck in your head and you don't know why or how to fix it. Or maybe you're both, depending on the day.

    In this episode, we unpack why ADHD creates these extremes - from sex as self-medication to getting stuck in your head during sex to not knowing what your body actually needs. We also cover Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (why "not tonight" feels catastrophic) and emotional dysregulation (the intensity that confuses your partner).

    Whether you're the ADHD partner or the non-ADHD partner trying to understand, this episode will help you make sense of what's been happening. No shame, just clarity. First in a 4-part series on ADHD and desire gaps.

    Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
    (Without Blame or Shame),     A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

    Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
    Voir plus Voir moins
    33 min
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