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The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Auteur(s): Laura Jurgens Ph.D.
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À propos de cet audio

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.


This isn't about forcing different sex drives to align. It's about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners. Even if you're feeling rejected, lonely, guilty, broken, or ashamed for having needs—you're not. You're just missing the tools to bridge your desire discrepancy.


Every episode delivers practical strategies you can use immediately: how to boost desire, communicate without defensiveness, understand different arousal types, and reconnect with your body so intimacy feels natural again. Whether traditional relationship counseling hasn't helped or you're avoiding couples therapy altogether, these approaches work for the intimacy issues that most therapists aren't trained to handle.


Ready to stop the pursue-withdraw pattern that's creating distance and resentment? Get the science-backed roadmap to authentic connection that honors both partners' needs.


No ads. Just proven advice that works.


Disclosure: expect explicit content and swearing!

© 2025 The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives
Développement personnel Hygiène et mode de vie sain Psychologie Psychologie et santé mentale Réussite
Épisodes
  • Sex Help for Smart People Evolves to The Desire Gap Podcast: Unpacking The #1 Issue I See
    Sep 22 2025

    This episode is all about why I'm making a change in this podcast, including why that is going to be extra great for you as a listener. In fact, you're going to get even more of my focused expertise, aimed at the issue that affects 80% of people in relationships at some point: libido mismatch. I'm keeping all the no-nonsense, research-based, caring content you know me for. What you also get is laser-focused expertise on desire differences— the issue that touches virtually every other sexual and relationship challenge people face.

    Here's why this matters: most marriage and family therapists have zero training in sexuality, leaving couples seeking help for their biggest relationship issue from professionals who are under-prepared. Most couples wait years before addressing desire differences, often making the gap harder to bridge.

    I've been on both sides of desire differences myself—zero desire periods where I felt broken and ashamed, and times as the higher-libido partner, when I felt constantly rejected. My partner and I worked through both scenarios using the exact methods I teach clients, and we're now having the best sex of our lives.

    You'll hear transformation stories like my client who went from painful obligation sex twice a year to genuine pleasure and stronger communication in three months. I also preview upcoming episodes and guide you through a reflection exercise to assess your current relationship with desire. Whether you want more or less sex than your partner, feel rejected or pressured, this episode will help you understand why you're not broken and give you specific steps to start creating change immediately.

    Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
    (Without Blame or Shame),
    A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

    Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

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    20 min
  • What is Embodiment? Why Somatics Are Key to Better Sex and Relationships
    Sep 15 2025

    Your body remembers every touch, every rejection, every moment of connection—even when your mind has forgotten. But most of us are living from the neck up, disconnected from our bodies and the wisdom they hold about our desires, boundaries, and authentic selves.

    In this episode, I'm demystifying embodiment and somatic (body-based) approaches for intimacy issues. I'll break down what it actually means to be embodied (versus disconnected), why your nervous system holds the key to better sex and relationships, and how somatic approaches differ from traditional talk therapy.

    You'll learn a wee bit of the history of body-based healing—from Wilhelm Reich's "character armor" to modern trauma research—and discover why bottom-up healing (starting with your body) often works better than top-down approaches for intimacy challenges.

    I'm sharing the 5 specific benefits of getting more embodied: better emotional regulation, real confidence (not performed), authentic relationships, reduced physical tension, and magnetic presence that makes people actually listen when you speak.

    Plus, practical examples from my practice showing how embodied approaches help with everything from performance anxiety to not knowing what you want sexually. This isn't woo-woo stuff—it's science-backed work that creates real change.

    Perfect for anyone who's tired of living disconnected from their body and ready to access their full aliveness. Also perfect for anyone who simply wonders "what's the point of being more embodied? Why bother?"

    Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
    (Without Blame or Shame),
    A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

    Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

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    32 min
  • Is It Okay to Fantasize During Sex? A Guide to Helpful vs. Unhelpful Mental Erotica
    Sep 8 2025

    Many people worry that fantasizing during intimacy means something is wrong with their relationship or attraction to their partner. In this episode, we explore why mental wandering during sex is completely normal and can actually enhance your experience. Learn the difference between healthy fantasy that keeps you present and embodied… versus problematic fantasy used for dissociation or avoidance. We'll cover why active minds (especially ADHD brains) benefit from fantasy, when it becomes a red flag, and how to use your imagination as a tool for better sex rather than an escape from it. Plus, we tackle the big question: is fantasizing about others considered cheating?


    Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
    (Without Blame or Shame),
    A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

    Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

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    27 min
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