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After a couple of hastily arranged flights out of Mumbai, the boys are back in Melbourne with a first-hand account of their exit, as well as some thoughts on the fast-unfolding situation in India and Pakistan.

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Feedback and Drive By’s, Speakpipes, Opening Round, Hawks kit, scorebugs, the AFL Media Industrial Complex, Craig McRae disarming shotguns on Jetstar, what did Dan Ginnane say, I Was Not Impolitis, FRU Director says women’s game has a “gay problem”, Tahs two on the bounce, India Champions Trophy, Sesquicentenary Test, Football, relay concussion, Marlee Silva, Boys Actually.

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The thing you need to understand about cyclones, Vegas and the money-can’t-buy Halo effect, India get it done fair and square in “the Champions League”, Ponting’s broomstick, does a golden footballing generation loom? Josh, Harry and Giorgio from Kick It Forward are in studio to talk moving to Melbourne, footy media, Schooner Scorer and beheadings. Your Speakpipes and Boys Actually top and tail proceedings, including but not limited to Betty Cuthbert, the Aus-Afghani exchange rate, and alleged triathlete doping indiscretions as a result of sex.

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This English summer, England and India go toe-to-toe in a battle of imperial power, ownership, and who can cry more. That's right: England has Bazball, India has the ICC, Google has Lord’s, and The Oval is Mumbai's fortress.

Should England cede its summer to the juggernaut of Indian cricket? Should it hand the game over to those who play, watch, and love it more than anyone else could fathom? Who better to mediate this existential crisis than two uninvited Australians who played mainly two's-three's?

Fresh from a sold-out national tour and New York Broadway stage show, join Pez, Higgos and special guests for The Grade Cricketer’s biggest live shows to-date as they examine a summer with both everything and nothing at stake.

Birmingham: July 3, Birmingham Town Hall, 7.30pm, special guest TBC

London: July 13, Eventim Apollo, 7.30pm, with special guest Stuart Broad

Tickets at gradecricketer.com

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Couple of red-blooded blokes “go whack” on Vegas, inflatable bats, whether or not 21 schooners is a lot, white powder chat at Lamaro’s (in full kit), A-graders, and our place in Seven’s Footy Revolution. The 31st Prime Minister of Australia is in-studio to talk Trump, V’landys, HokBall, Modi, Konstas, sports gambling, nuclear energy, the Bears’ return and bulk coin into Medicare. Italian powerbroker Hewy then joins to assess atrocities, the Broncos under Madge, Gout Gout, and Kyrie.

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Week-after-week of prestige narration from the hotbed of Australian sport.

First episode drops Wednesday.

What's getting you hot? Send in your thoughts and feelings on speakpipe

Email all your "stay in your lanes" and corrections etc to boysactually@gmail.com

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Emphatic clean sweep leaves fans awash with numbers as WTC examination looms. We go through the summer, the triumphalism therein, parse The Hundred auction, query Champions Trophy pullouts, say thanks for the summer, and read questions from the Pig Pen.

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