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Cultural anthropologists and nude volleyball magazine collectors Adam and Jeff gather at the desk of the Omaha Bugle to talk about those people who yearn for the “good old days.” As most people who yearn for the fun of subsistence living and widespread disease and death have no idea how bad things were back then, Adam and Jeff waste no time in describing some of the fun when life was “nasty, brutish and short.” They also point out that everything in the good old days took so much time to do whether it involved collecting wood for a fire or trapping animals or even drawing water for a bath that there was no time to contemplate the lack of leisure time.

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Noted coinage experts Adam and Jeff convene in an effort to calm down the public, which is panicking over the halt in production of the penny after 232 years. Jeff points out that there are almost 300,000,000,000 pennies floating around and that there is very little likelihood that we will run out of pennies anytime soon. Adam also notes that younger people do not use cash much at all, preferring to carry out their financial transactions with debit and credit cards. As the end of penny production will save an estimated $56 million per year, this awe-inspiring example of financial brilliance will doubtless help the government get its $2 trillion in deficit spending under control in the next few weeks.

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Adam recounts the story of a man who was released from prison after 26 years for having stolen a gold chain and a wedding ring. The sole witness against him was a repeat offender who had various drug and alcohol issues that caused his credibility to be called into question--but apparently not enough to secure the release the accused. Jeff talks about how District Attorneys have enormous discretion and the full power of the state so that they can secure an indictment against anyone for almost any offense. He points out that ordinary people have no real chance because they cannot afford high priced defense attorneys; they will often cut a deal to avoid being forced into bankruptcy. Adam wonders about corruption in the political arena, particularly when members of Congress, for example, have access to legislation that can impact the prices of stocks before this information is released to the public. Both are concerned about the unwillingness of members of Congress to reach across the aisle--even though the aisle is barely 3 feet wide.