After a long holiday break, Bethany and Brian have lost momentum and are "not in a good spot." Brian opens the session feeling "checked out" and asks, "Is this insanity?" while Bethany feels like she's "walking on eggshells," afraid to trigger him. The core of the session focuses on the main block to their progress: Brian's unshakeable and "unworkable" narrative that Bethany is "maliciously out to get him."

We explore how Brian's history—from his mother to the financial infidelity to a new story from Christmas—has conditioned him to default to this narrative. The breakthrough comes in reframing this belief not as a fact, but as a safety strategy. His brain defaults to "she's malicious" because it offers a simple solution to his deep pain ("unlovable," "a fool"): it gives him "permission" to leave, which feels safer than being vulnerable.

This week's prompt: This week, we worked on the reframe from 'she's malicious' to 'she's just hurt and in her protective mode.' Think about your partner's most triggering behavior. What is the malicious story you automatically tell yourself about it? And what might the 'they're just hurt' version of that story be?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured in a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Is there an expiration date on old wounds? This week, Brian struggles with seeing Bethany receive empathy for her car accident, as it triggers a deep, unspoken pain from his own past trauma. Months earlier, he was the victim of a violent attack that left him unable to work and feeling alone, which became the foundation for his "I'm done, I'm leaving" stance and his feeling of being a "second-class citizen."

This session is about the courage it takes to finally give voice to old hurt. The turning point isn't about deciding whose trauma was worse; it's the powerful breakthrough that happens when Brian shares his vulnerability, and Bethany, instead of defending, meets it with empathy, saying it "softens me." It's a profound lesson in co-regulation and how learning to receive each other's pain is the true foundation of healing.

This week's prompt: Reflect on an old hurt that still shows up in your current relationship. What is the feeling that gets triggered, and what do you wish your partner could see in that moment?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

This week, we take a special mid-season break to catch up with our Season 1 couple, Melissa and Drew. It's been a year since we last heard from them, and they're back to share an honest update. We revisit their old anxious-avoidant cycle—Melissa's fear of Drew's shutdowns and their struggles with parenting differences—and hear how they are navigating those triggers today.

Melissa and Drew share that while they've made "tremendous strides" in co-regulation, their work isn't over; in fact, they're continuing their journey with another therapist. Their update is a powerful, real-world look at what comes after the initial breakthroughs and serves as a vital reminder that healing is an ongoing process, not a final destination.

This check-in provides crucial context for our current season. Melissa and Drew's journey shows that even a less-escalated couple requires time, highlighting the patience needed for a highly-escalated couple like Bethany and Brian. This episode is a testament that growth is not linear, but a messy, courageous, and long-term journey.

This week's prompt: Reflect on your own healing journey. Where have you made "tremendous strides," and what parts of your old cycle do you still have to work on?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecureelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime