What happens when the fear of being hurt makes leaving feel safer than staying? This week, we dive deep into Brian and Bethany’s journey as Brian shares a distressing dream and a painful childhood memory that reveal the roots of his mistrust and his instinct to detach when he feels trapped.

We explore how Brian’s nervous system drives him to make empty threats to leave, leaving Bethany hurt and confused, while underneath, his fear of abandonment and betrayal runs deep. This session highlights how these reactive moments aren’t attempts to hurt each other, but survival strategies masking vulnerabilities that need healing.

This episode is a powerful reminder that the fears and wounds beneath conflict don’t create new problems—they expose the ones already there. The central challenge becomes clear: can Brian and Bethany learn to turn toward each other’s fear, instead of letting it drive them apart?

This week’s prompt: Reflect on a time when fear made you want to pull away from your partner. What was the deeper need or vulnerability underneath that fear?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

What happens when a real-life crisis puts your relationship’s progress to the ultimate test? This week, a stressful weekend surrounding their daughter’s tonsil surgery sends Bethany and Brian spiraling, revealing how a shared set of facts can tell two completely different stories and leave both partners feeling more alone than ever.

We explore how Bethany’s anxiety about their daughter triggers Brian’s own deep fear of failure, leaving him overwhelmed and unable to show up for her. The pressure becomes so intense that Brian voices a familiar thought: that continuing with a divorce would be easier than facing the pain of their disconnection.

This session is a powerful example of how high-stress situations don’t create new problems, but expose the ones already there. The central challenge becomes clear: can they learn to turn toward each other’s fear, instead of letting it drive them apart?

This week’s prompt: Think about a recent time a need went unspoken in your relationship. What were you afraid might happen if you voiced it?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions / comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this week’s session, we dive deeper into Brian’s inner world as he unpacks the painful feeling of being a “second-class citizen” in his relationship with Bethany. What does it mean to feel unimportant to the person you love and how does that hurt turn into anger?

We explore how Brian’s anger is rooted in a longing for connection, not control, and how his unspoken sadness transforms into name calling as he's trying everything he can in his power trying to be heard. Meanwhile, we examine how Bethany copes with his anger, often retreating and rationalizing, which only deepens their disconnection.

This episode is about building awareness and learning to catch the hurt before it becomes a fight.

This week’s prompt: Think about a time you felt overlooked or unimportant in your relationship. Where did you notice the feeling come up in your body?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions / comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime