AHOY SCUMMERS!

After what can only be described as a brief, administratively necessary (definitely not heretical) absence, The Underhive Lorekeepers Podcast staggers back into the vox-net like an Inquisitor returning from a very quiet, very classified investigation.

Yes, we’re back.

And to celebrate our triumphant return to the airwaves (and to prove we haven’t been replaced by suspiciously similar servo-skulls), we’re hosting our Listener Lore Competition: Minor Ordos Edition.

Because nothing says “welcome back” quite like weaponised bureaucracy.

Everyone knows the big three of the Inquisition, but we’re not here for the celebrity Ordos. We want the obscure ones. The underfunded ones. The ones operating out of a damp archive sub-level with a staff of three, a skull with anxiety, and a mandate so hyper-specific it borders on parody.

This episode is all about your creations — the Minor Ordos that REDACTED. The Ordo that investigates bugs in a sitcom. The Ordo dedicated to beverages. The Ordo that insists that, technically, you do not exist. The Ordo loving Roots, bloody roots. The Ordo breaking our souls and robots.

And because the Inquisition is nothing if not deeply uncomfortable around itself, we’ll be imagining what happens when all these Minor Ordos are forced to attend the strangest company mixer in the galaxy. Picture it: name tags in High Gothic, awkward small talk about sanctioned purges, someone from a rival Ordo quietly taking notes in the corner, and at least one Puritan loudly insisting this entire gathering is Gregory.

There will be dramatic readings. There will be questionable accents. There will be entirely too much enthusiasm about Wingdings.

Most importantly, there will be your lore. It is canon-adjacent, wildly unnecessary, and absolutely essential.

We may have been gone for a while… but like any good Inquisitorial investigation, we were merely gathering evidence.

The Emperor Protects. HR absolutely does not.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Hey scummers.

Nathan has absconded to New Zealand on a so-called family holiday, but in doing so has cemented his claim as the one true King of the Scummers. Against all odds (and unlike Spamuel) he’s taken his recording gear on the road. Bravery. Courage. Heroism. We salute him.

After the shortest intro in Lorekeepers history (you’re welcome), we finally bring our rambling tour of the Minor Ordos of the Holy Inquisition to a close.

From the shadowy ordos tasked with investigating miracles, to the Grand Dog of Necromunda, and an Ordo whose entire remit appears to be deciding whether sensitive information gets a Sharpie or a flamer, right through to Malcador the Sigillite’s deeply suspect personal Christmas album collection.

The tail end of this series is an absolute ride.

And because it’s a new year, and this is our first finished series of the year, you already know what that means.

We are doing a giveaway.

Make sure you listen to the whole episode (or just skip to the end) and find out how you can win.

I’m not your mum.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Happy New Years, scummers!

It’s been a hot minute since the boys last sat down with you, so naturally this one kicks off with a completely reasonable 20-minute opening.

Expect hopes and dreams for the year ahead, aggressive lamenting over the complete lack of sleep this festive period, and Spamuel proudly announcing that he’s being selfish this year.

The Year of Chaos is well and truly upon us.

Then, after playing far too much of the Owlcat Games Mega smash hit cult classic game, Rogue Trader, the boys finally drag themselves back to the lore and dive headfirst into the Rogue Traders themselves.

We break down who these wildly over-privileged lunatics are, how a single, ancient Warrant of Trade lets them operate above almost all Imperial law, and why the Imperium is perfectly happy to tolerate their excesses so long as the tithes keep flowing.

From skirting the edges of heresy, to dealing with xenos, founding colonies, claiming forgotten worlds and occasionally kicking off wars by accident, Rogue Traders exist in that beautiful grey zone where ambition, faith, and profit collide. They are explorers, conquerors, diplomats, pirates, and sometimes outright criminals.

All in the Emperor’s name, of course.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Merry Christmas, scummers!

In this festive episode, the boys holster their stub guns, loosen their flak armour, and take a more relaxed stroll through the sump as they crack open the mail sack and read letters from you, our long-suffering, much-loved audience.

We tackle the questions you’ve been itching to ask, share a few laughs, shed the occasional manly tear, we somehow end up talking Mexican food and Spamuel ends up declaring open war on Mariah Carey of all people. Heresy takes many forms.

Along the way there may (or may not) be a handful of Christmas carols, sung with all the reverence and vocal talent you’ve come to expect from the underhive.

So pour yourself something strong, pull up a crate by the barrel fire, and join us for a very Underhive Lorekeeper Christmas.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

Christmas music is Christmas Jingle Bells by Soundstreet. https://tunetank.com/track/3393-christmas-jingle-bells/

Hey there, scummers!

After the suspiciously positive reception of our last romp through the Minor Ordos, the boys once again strap on their gear, laminate their definitely real Inquisitorial credentials, and march right back into territory the Administratum insists doesn’t exist.

From a barfly named Mike, who somehow founds an entire Ordo between drinks, to the many-headed confusion of the Hydra, and the eternally put-upon men and women of the Astra Militarum (yes, we know, they’re not an Ordo, don’t write in), the Inquisition is packed with forgotten departments, cursed filing cabinets, and mandates that no one remembers approving.

So grab a drink, stop bullying the Ordo Astra (seriously, they’re doing their best), and get comfortable, because once again, we’re talking Minor Ordos.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Hey there, scummers!

Strap in, strap on your tinfoil hats, and maybe keep a shotgun under the bar, because in our first-ever video episode, the Lorekeepers are diving headfirst into the murky sump-waters of conspiracy, psychic skullduggery, and downright dodgy dealings in the dark corners of the Imperium.

This week, we shine a flickering lumen on the Psi Syndica, that shadowy cabal of sanctioned psykers, rogue telepaths, and mind-meddlers who definitely aren’t supposed to exist (which of course means they absolutely do). From whispered rumours in ash-waste shanties to the cold archives of the Scholastia Psykana, we dig through every scrap of intel we can find — and some we probably shouldn’t have.But that’s not all.

Lurking behind the next rusted bulkhead are the Imperial Imposters — those sneaky, shape-shifting scum masquerading as everything from Administratum clerks to full-blown Imperial officials. Who are they? Where do they hide? And are they your neighbour? (Answer: probably. Maybe. Hopefully not.)

Join the lads as they rant, rave, and lore-dump their way through identity theft, psychic crime syndicates, and enough paranoia to make even an Ordo Hereticus interrogator blush.

And remember, if you think you’re safe, you’re already compromised.Tune in, watch the madness unfold, and witness the Underhive Lorekeepers glorious leap into video!

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Hey there, scummers!

In this episode, the lads crack open a few amasecs and take a merry wander through the lesser-known — and let’s be honest, occasionally less effective — ordos of the mighty Inquisition.

While they might not boast the infamy or raw authority of their illustrious cousins in Ordos Hereticus, Malleus, and Xenos, these smaller cogs in the Imperium’s grinding war machine still play their part in keeping humanity safe.

Some of them do it brilliantly… others, well, let’s just say they try their best.

From the nigh-impossible mandates of the Ordo Astartes, to the time-twisting meddling of the Ordo Chronos, and even the glorified star-chart scribbling of the Ordo Astra — the so-called “minor” Ordos are anything but.

These unsung branches of the Inquisition might not have the fame, firepower, or fan clubs of the big three, but Emperor help us… they certainly keep things interesting.

If you have questions, complaints, corrections or suggestions, email us at Underhivelorekeepers@gmail.com.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Greetings, scummers!

In this episode, the boys pull on their finest rags and sneak into Hive Primus’ upper spires — where the air’s filtered, the drinks are poisoned, and the nobles wear more jewels than sense. We’re talkin’ House Ulanti and House Ran Lo — two Great Houses that prove the real bloodshed on Necromunda isn’t in the sump… it’s at the dinner table.

From Ulanti’s glittering court of assassins and arranged marriages sharper than any power blade, to Ran Lo’s merchant princes, who’ll sell you your own lungs back if there’s a profit in it — these two families show that money and murder are often just different departments in the same business.

Expect whispers of poison rings, hive-wide banking scams, and the kind of fashion statements that could get you killed in the underhive. The boys break down the lore, the rivalries, and the power plays that keep Necromunda’s noble houses from ever truly sleeping easy.

So pour yourself a glass of something definitely not toxic, and join us as we climb too high, too fast — to where the silk drips with blood and the credits flow like promethium.

If you have questions, complaints, corrections or suggestions, email us at Underhivelorekeepers@gmail.com.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/