In this episode, I'm joined by Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner, to talk about what actually helps in the earliest stages of separation and divorce. Alex is a divorce prep coach who works with people before they hire attorneys or mediators, helping them get grounded emotionally and prepared practically before big, irreversible decisions are made.

We talk about the grief, shame, and identity disruption that often catches people off guard, even when divorce feels mutual, and why slowing down at the beginning can protect you emotionally and financially in the long run.

Alex's web site: https://www.thedivorceplanner.net/

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Timestamps & topics

00:00 – What a divorce prep coach actually does
How divorce prep differs from legal strategy and why preparation before calling a lawyer matters

02:15 – Why people want to "just get it over with"
Emotional overwhelm, avoidance, and the risks of making decisions from shutdown or panic

03:50 – Divorce as the end of an imagined future
Grief, loss of identity, and facing a blank slate you didn't plan for

06:10 – The emotional pain people underestimate
Why sadness, grief, and shame still show up even when divorce is the "right" decision

08:40 – How childhood patterns resurface during divorce
Why old narratives about worth, safety, and capability come back online

10:20 – Divorce and confidence collapse
Questioning your value, competence, and future, especially for stay-at-home parents

13:05 – Reframing skills, worth, and capability
Recognizing transferable skills and rebuilding self-trust

14:45 – Retraining the brain during a destabilizing life transition
Awareness, emotional regulation, and building stability when everything feels uncertain

17:00 – Social stigma, family reactions, and judgment
Why divorce still carries shame and how others' reactions can complicate healing

19:10 – The most unhelpful things people say during divorce
"Well-meaning" comments that actually increase shame and self-doubt

21:30 – How friends can offer real support
Listening, practical help, and showing up without trying to fix or judge

24:10 – Letting yourself receive support
Why isolation makes divorce harder and how connection actually builds resilience

28:40 – Why you should never negotiate money without knowing your numbers
How fear around finances leads to long-term regret

30:10 – The 5-5-5 decision rule
Evaluating divorce decisions based on their impact over time, not just immediate relief

32:00 – Final advice for early-stage divorce decisions
Why slowing down now protects your future self and prevents costly mistakes later

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Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/

Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/

Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast