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Unapologetically AuDHD

Unapologetically AuDHD

Auteur(s): Patricia Young Alex McLaughlin
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 Unapologetically AuDHD is a space for neurodivergent folks—especially Autistic ADHDers (AuDHDers)—to feel seen, understood, and know you’re not alone. We believe there’s nothing wrong with having a brain that’s wired differently. Through honest conversations about the highs, lows, and messy in-betweens, we normalize neurodivergent experiences, explore intersectionality, and celebrate the unique & sometimes beautiful ways of thinking, feeling, and moving through the world. Led by two AuDHDers with PDA profiles, and lived experience with OCD, this podcast exists to de-stigmatize neurodivergence; honor both strengths and limitations, and remind us that we don’t need to be “fixed”—we just want to be heard. Have you been told you’re “too” (fill in the blank)? You’re too sensitive; you think/worry too much; you take things too personally; you’re too emotional, too finicky, too fragile, too intense, too uptight, too slow. Have you been told you can’t take a joke; you can’t go with the flow? You can’t let go of things? Is making decisions difficult for you? You might have an acute sense of smell, and strong odors, crowded noisy environments and bright lights are just too much! You’re in the right place! You may have been diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) with anxiety, depression, bipolar, borderline, having OCD or more. Our brain and bodies are wired differently. There’s nothing wrong with you!2025 Hygiène et mode de vie sain Psychologie Psychologie et santé mentale
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  • 6. What is Autism part 2: So…do we have to text back? Autism friendship “rules”

    6. What is Autism part 2: So…do we have to text back? Autism friendship “rules”
    Sep 18 2025
    6. What is Autism part 2: So…do we have to text back? Autism friendship “rules” SUMMARY In this episode, Patricia (she/her) and Alex (they/them) continue their series on What is Autism? by exploring DSM criteria alongside lived experiences. They discuss how autistic people navigate relationships, friendship dynamics, context shifting, alexithymia, PDA, and the double empathy problem. Both share personal stories of how autism shows up in day-to-day life, from kettles breaking to difficulty with group projects, and offer insights that go beyond clinical definitions. SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED The challenges and resilience that show up in everyday autistic life (like handling a broken kettle without melting down). How alexithymia and interoception difficulties affect awareness of one’s own emotions. The role of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance–preferred term: Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) in amplifying “forbidden fruit” thinking when told not to do something. DSM Criterion A3: difficulties with developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships. Why initiating vs. maintaining friendships can feel very different for some autistic people. How executive functioning impacts social connection (remembering to text back, confirming plans, etc.). The double empathy problem and how communication mismatches are a two-way street. Why autistic-to-autistic friendships often feel easier and less draining than cross-neurotype relationships. The myth that autistic people lack imagination or creativity. How imaginative play and group projects often reflect mismatches in processing styles, not a lack of creativity. The importance of shared interests in sparking autistic creativity and play. How monotropism (deep focus on one thing) shapes transitions and task-switching. Why context shifting (e.g., from task to social mode) can feel jarring. Strategies like sitting in the car before appointments as a transition aid. The tension between expectations in friendships vs. lived autistic processing differences. Trauma’s role in shaping how autistic adults approach relationships. Why diagnoses and labels can provide self-understanding and compassion. How disappointment in friendships often stems from mismatched expectations. The unique blend of humor, honesty, and vulnerability that autistic friendships bring. SOUNDBITES “I had to kind of like talk myself through it so I didn’t have a meltdown… but if it were a different day, I probably would have.” – Alex “I find making friends very easy. It’s the maintaining of the relationships that’s very challenging.” – Patricia “It’s like you’re interviewing someone for a job. I just genuinely want to know about them.” – Alex “Without understanding autism, we assume everybody’s like us. And when people don’t meet our standards, we’re like, what the heck is wrong with everybody?” – Patricia “Relationships are just challenging. I think they’re great, I think we need them, but there are so many nuances.” – Patricia CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro): 00:00 Navigating Daily Challenges and Emotional Responses 02:55 Understanding Autism: DSM Criteria and Personal Experiences 05:35 The Complexity of Relationships and Friendships 08:38 Executive Functioning and Social Interactions 11:34 The Double Empathy Problem and Communication Mismatches 18:55 Understanding Autism and Communication Differences 20:16 Imaginative Play and Creativity in Autistic Individuals 24:09 Context Shifting and Task Management Challenges 29:47 Navigating Group Dynamics and Social Interactions 32:25 Future Conversations and Closing Thoughts ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master’s in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex also brings lived ...
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    Non communiqué
  • 5: What is Autism Part 1: Autism Isn’t a Deficit, It’s a Different Operating System

    5: What is Autism Part 1: Autism Isn’t a Deficit, It’s a Different Operating System
    Sep 5 2025
    5: What is Autism Part 1: Autism Isn’t a Deficit, It’s a Different Operating System SUMMARY Patricia (she/her) and Alex (they/them) dive into the DSM diagnostic criteria for autism and break it down through a lived-experience lens. Instead of deficit-based language, they highlight autistic strengths, differences, and everyday realities of being AuDHD and neurodivergent. Expect honest stories, laughter, and relatable insights into what autism actually looks like outside of a clinical checklist. SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED Differences in communication styles can lead to misinterpretations. Social reciprocity varies greatly among individuals. Nonverbal cues can be challenging for autistic individuals. Connection can be found in shared spaces without verbal engagement. Understanding emotional expression can be complex for many autistic people. The importance of lived experiences in understanding autism. Future discussions will continue to explore autism and its nuances. Compartmentalizing emotions while navigating daily stress The DSM and its fraught, deficit-based history in diagnosing autism Why autistic adults often don’t see themselves in the DSM criteria How the criteria ignore late-diagnosed, high-masking autistic people The difference between deficits vs. differences in neurodivergence “Nothing about us without us” in autistic advocacy and research Criteria A1: social-emotional reciprocity and how it actually shows up Autistic empathy: relating by sharing lived experiences Masking in facial expressions, tone, and eye contact The double-bind of asking too many vs. too few questions Why autistic small talk often centers around genuine interests Body doubling, parallel play, and co-regulation as neurodivergent connection The mismatch between verbal tone and facial expressions (alexithymia included) Wrapping up with how lived autistic stories—not DSM checklists—help people recognize themselves The urgency in making life decisions can be stressful. Autism is often misunderstood through a deficit-based lens. SOUNDBITES “The DSM told me nothing, but hearing about other people’s lived experience is how I realized I was autistic.” “We use the word differences instead of deficits because it’s just a different way of communicating.” “If you put two neurodivergent folks together, reciprocity looks totally different.” “Sometimes I stare too hard at people’s eyeballs because I thought that’s what good eye contact was supposed to be.” “Autism criteria is basically: how much do you make other people uncomfortable?” "We just didn't know that much back then." "Nothing about us without us." CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro) 00:00 Navigating Life Decisions and Stressors 02:48 Understanding Autism: A Personal Perspective 05:58 The DSM and Its Implications 08:34 Deficits vs. Differences in Autism 11:17 Social Reciprocity and Communication Challenges 14:15 Nonverbal Communication and Its Misinterpretations 17:14 The Complexity of Social Interactions 20:10 Finding Connection in Shared Spaces 23:00 Criteria A: Social-Emotional Reciprocity 25:57 Criteria A2: Nonverbal Communication Behaviors 28:50 Navigating Emotional Expression and Understanding 31:51 Conclusion and Future Discussions ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master’s in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex also brings lived experience and is pursuing IFS to deepen their parts-informed practice. Coaching, consulting and training coming soon! Head here to be notified when this practice opens! Head to Alex’s website here to connect further: Here Patricia Young (she/her) has a Master’s Degree in Social Work, and was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively ...
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    37 min
  • 4: OCD pt. 2: OCD, ADHD & the Dishwasher Olympics: When Efficiency Becomes a Sport

    4: OCD pt. 2: OCD, ADHD & the Dishwasher Olympics: When Efficiency Becomes a Sport
    Aug 14 2025
    4: OCD pt. 2: OCD, ADHD & the Dishwasher Olympics: When Efficiency Becomes a Sport SUMMARY In this candid and often humorous episode, Patricia (she/her) and Alex (they/them) share their deeply personal neurodivergent experiences with OCD, weaving in childhood rituals, intrusive harm thoughts, contamination fears, and the tangled coexistence of Autism, ADHD, and trauma. They explore how OCD shows up in everyday life — from dishwashers to hyper-specific food hygiene rules — while unpacking the overlap between Autistic routines and OCD compulsions, the stigma around taboo intrusive thoughts like pedophilia OCD, and the toll of decision fatigue. Along the way, they discuss diagnosis challenges, the role of cultural conditioning in reinforcing OCD patterns, and evidence-based treatments like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Inference-Based CBT (ICBT), offering validation, understanding, and a dash of humor for anyone navigating the messy, nuanced reality of an OCD brain. SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED OCD prevalence stats in adults and children in the U.S. (a.k.a. Turtle Island) Childhood rituals with stuffed animals and early harm-related intrusive thoughts Overlap and confusion between Autistic routines, ADHD efficiency needs, and OCD compulsions Harm OCD imagery while driving and in daily life Contamination fears and hygiene rules (including mayo placement politics) Decision fatigue and how structure/routines can reduce it for Autistic & ADHD brains Somatic obsessions after allergic reactions and medication side effects Taboo intrusive thoughts, including pedophilia OCD, and the distress they cause Misdiagnosis challenges, including being told OCD symptoms were PTSD or OCPD The role of attachment injuries in triggering OCD spirals Food preoccupation as an OCD manifestation, especially with an eating disorder history Normalizing catastrophic thinking in neurodivergent lived experience Cultural and gendered reinforcement of reassurance-seeking behaviors Evidence-based OCD treatments: Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and ICBT Importance of OCD specialists and screening tools like the OCI-R SOUNDBITES "OCD is showing us how much you value this thing." "It's important to work with an OCD specialist." “We don’t have to show up shiny, perky, happy all the time.” “OCD attacks what we value — it goes straight for the things that matter most to us.” “I’ve just gotten accustomed to having terrible graphic thoughts about what could happen and going, isn’t that interesting?” “My mayo has its designated spot far in the back of the fridge — and yes, I need my own.” CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro) 00:00 Navigating Low Energy and Self-Compassion 01:56 Understanding OCD: Facts and Statistics 03:33 Personal Journeys with OCD: Alex's Story 11:27 Diagnosis and Misunderstandings of OCD 14:24 Patricia's Experience with OCD and Autism 19:23 Coping Mechanisms and the Impact of OCD 20:50 Understanding Intrusive Thoughts and OCD 27:43 Cultural Influences on OCD and Mental Health 31:22 Therapeutic Approaches to Managing OCD 37:32 Exploring Different Therapies for OCD 40:33 Final Thoughts and Resources for OCD Support ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master’s in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex also brings lived experience and is pursuing IFS to deepen their parts-informed practice. Coaching, consulting and training coming soon! Head here to be notified when this practice opens! Head to Alex’s website here to connect further: Here Patricia Young (she/her) has a Master’s Degree in Social Work, and was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. ...
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    44 min
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