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Why You Can't Set Boundaries (And How It's Destroying Your Sense of Self)

Why You Can't Set Boundaries (And How It's Destroying Your Sense of Self)

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 In this empowering episode, we explore:Why setting boundaries feels so difficult for so many people, how childhood dynamics shape our ability to say no, and how reclaiming responsibility for your emotions, time, and energy is the foundation of self-respect, identity, and healthy relationships.In this value-packed episode, we cover:* Why “boundaries” became a buzzword — and what people still misunderstand about them (01:48)* Reframing boundaries as self-regulation instead of walls or punishment (03:36)* Why boundaries are meant to protect your nervous system and inner peace (03:56)* How flexible boundaries create healthier relationships over time (04:28)* Why people with poor boundaries often grew up without a voice (06:50)* How childhood silencing leads to adult guilt and people-pleasing (07:54)* Enmeshment: when children become emotional regulators for parents (13:35)* Why guilt and shame surface when you finally try to set boundaries (18:25)* The fawn response: people-pleasing as a trauma response (28:36)* How sacrificing yourself destroys self-trust and identity over time (36:32)* Why disappointing others is unavoidable — and necessary (33:25)* How boundaries teach others how to treat you (23:29)* Why over-explaining weakens boundaries instead of strengthening them (48:50)* The moment boundaries stop being scary and start feeling empowering (47:12)* How self-respect grows every time you choose yourself (53:34)📙Follow Nick and Lily on Substack🪷 Explore The Relationships With A Soul Brand💻Visit Nick’s Website💻Visit Lily’s WebsiteKey Lessons From This EpisodeLesson 1: Boundaries Are About Regulating Yourself — Not Controlling OthersBoundaries exist to protect your peace, not to punish or manipulate people.“A boundary isn’t a wall — it’s how you keep your nervous system intact.”Lesson 2: Most Boundary Issues Start in ChildhoodWhen children aren’t allowed to have opinions or say no, they grow into adults who fear disappointing others.“If you were never allowed to say no as a child, it makes sense that it feels dangerous now.”Lesson 3: Enmeshment Destroys IdentityWhen a child becomes responsible for a parent’s emotions, the child never gets to become themselves.“You can’t build a sense of self if you’re busy regulating someone else.”Lesson 4: Guilt Is Not a Moral CompassGuilt often keeps people stuck — looping instead of healing.“Guilt isn’t growth. It’s a burden you were taught to carry.”Lesson 5: People-Pleasing Is a Trauma ResponseFawning isn’t kindness — it’s survival.“If I keep you happy, I’ll be safe.”That belief keeps people trapped for decades.Lesson 6: You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s EmotionsAllowing others to feel discomfort is not abandonment — it’s respect.“You don’t need to rescue people from their feelings.”Lesson 7: Over-Explaining Weakens BoundariesYou don’t owe anyone a courtroom defense for protecting your peace.“Clarity is stronger than justification.”Lesson 8: Boundaries Teach Others How to Treat YouSelf-respect creates external respect — not the other way around.“When you respect yourself, the line becomes visible.”Lesson 9: You Can Care and Still Set LimitsBoundaries do not mean you don’t care — they mean you do.“Caring doesn’t require self-abandonment.”Lesson 10: A Strong Relationship With Yourself Comes FirstYou live with yourself your entire life.That relationship determines every other one.“Disappointing others is sometimes the price of self-respect.”Enjoyed This Episode? You May Also EnjoyHelp Grow The Podcast:Since this is a new podcast, I’d really appreciate your support. Here are three ways you can help grow the podcast:* Follow the Relationships With A Soul podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcasting platform* Share this episode with a friend who you think will find it valuable Get full access to Relationships With A Soul at newsletter.nickneve.com/subscribe
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