the water washes away / the plane. that grinds on

--

TRANSCRIPT:

i feel more myself, in the water

my body is less of a burden, down here

there's space to breathe

(ironically)

there's a kind of suspension you get- not just floating, that's easy, and most people get that. this is... something different. a separation of physical form and mind that transcends anything you could experience on land. it's not quite dissociation, but- thats also not a terrible way to describe it.

i don't know. it's soothing.

i've been a lifeguard since i was old enough to take the licensing exam. been in the water for long before that. i can't remember when i learned to swim. it feels like a memory ago. like someone else's dream.

[inhale, exhale]

i am centering myself

whatever that means in this day and age

i don't know

the world is- and, i don't just mean can be i mean is- such a confusing, chaotic thing. i want to nurture it, have it feed me in turn, but i can't even take care of this body properly. and to even think of fixing that seems like some other me's problem. 

it's a very selfish view of the world, and i cling to it like air.

here, for the moment, i will just sit here

and enjoy not having a shape.

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