Dark Comedy Horror Fiction

Here I am, Charlie f--king Whitman - still pissed from last night, driving a rental car with two retarded kids in the back, somewhere between Barcelona and Paris. I used to be an art dealer. I suppose I still am, but now I do bad things for good money. Everything has its price, and I think I've just found mine.

Clive Menard is just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life. But when a talking spider crawls inside his head, things get a lot less ordinary…and people start dying. Could an itsy-bitsy arachnid be behind the killing spree terrorizing Clive’s community? To evade a sharp detective and find a murderer among friends, Clive must shake the cobwebs loose and piece together the puzzle of his life, all without falling prey to a dark force beyond his comprehension.

A smash-hit reality show is offering a lifetime of luxury to the one person living the world's worst life, and now everyone is out to prove just how bad they've got it. Want in? All you've got to do is accept ocular implants that let the whole world see life through your eyes, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Fortunately, there's still one person who hasn't lost faith in all humanity. The show's ever-smiling host is determined to wring some tiny bit of meaning out of this twisted competition and your unhappy existence.

Dracula, Wolfman, The Mummy, Frankenstein. You've lived with the stories your whole life. You've read the tales. You've watched the films. But what if the stories were different? What if the things you read about these monsters were warped and twisted? Here lie stories you may not have heard. Stories both weird and shocking. Bizarre and grotesque. Alternate versions of your favorite classic monsters you've never read and never will again. Featuring 13 stories by Jonathan Moon, The Sisters of Slaughter, Tom Lucas and more!

What would you do if you found out that your family's only source of survival was being infected by demons from the foulest depth of Hell? Call local demon hunters, of course. Marty and Kevin and the Wolf are back for another round of battling evil. This time it’s personal. When the Garcia Family and the city of DenMark are attacked by an ancient race of Draconian devils, our heroes fall right into the lap of action.

Since 1985, more than 500 overweight teenagers have come to Camp Wašíču looking to lose weight, gain self-confidence, and turn their lives around. Phillip McCracken arrives, weighing in at almost 400 pounds; but the baggage he carries from the past affects him much more deeply than the numbers of the scale. When a homicidal maniac hell-bent on revenge attacks, Phillip will be forced to either find the courage to save the people around him or fall victim to his own self-doubt...and possibly a machete.

Most people have regrets. Ask them. They will tell you about the opportunities they missed, the dreams they left behind, and the memories of lost loves, locked away until their journeys end. We have no such luxuries, those of us entangled with the dead. It is our job as exorcists to guide them from this world, and finish their unfinished business, even if it means searching for 300 missing souls. This is a recollection of my first case, from a time when I thought nothing of the shadows beneath my feet.

The deathly silence is about to be broken. She disliked the company of others and death did little to warm her spirit. She had led an independent life and she faced death in much the same way. She was finally alone, finally free from the mindless babble of others, at least that's what she thought. May Elizabeth Trump was the rarest of spirits and she was none too happy about it either. She was a dead medium, a ghost who can speak with the living, and her services were to become in great demand.

"Stranger's Thing" by Robert Bevan: Four friends get more than they bargained for when they break into a seemingly abandoned research lab. "The Shingling" by Steve Wetherell: Johnny Terry, a recovering meth addict, is excited to start his new life as the caretaker at the Underpass Motel. Unfortunately, the Underpass is haunted by the ghosts of dead porn stars. "The Haunting of Whore House" by Robert Bevan: Lucy and her brother, Junkie, find out that moving was only the beginning of their troubles when they encounter the ghost of a little boy in the woods. Plus three more!

A woman wakes up, frightened and alone - with no idea where she is. She's in a room but it's shaking and jumping like it’s alive. Stumbling through a door, she realises she is in a train carriage. A carriage full of the dead. This is the Night Train. A bizarre ride on a terrifying locomotive, heading somewhere into the endless night. How did the woman get here? Who is she? And who are the dead?

What is PJ doing with the man in the box in his basement? The man in the box deserves whatever he gets, and PJ is just the man to give it to him.

Lawrence Nurdle fancies himself a Goth Edgelord. His girlfriend isn't impressed. To convince her he's the edgiest guy in Toledo, Ohio, he joins a coven of vampires. The vampires kill Lawrence. Death just wants to enjoy a ballgame. But Death has a job to do and must collect the soul of Lawrence Nurdle. There's just one problem. Death can only collect the souls of the dead and Lawrence is now undead, like the rest of the vampires.

Back from the dead, and back on the case! Dan Chambeaux was a human private investigator in the Unnatural Quarter...Even though he was killed in a back alley when a case went sour, Dan “Shamble” is still on the case. Even death won’t keep a good detective down. Now, teamed up with his partner Robin Deyer, a bleeding-heart human lawyer who wants justice for all monsters, his ghost girlfriend Sheyenne, and his BHF (Best Human Friend) Officer Toby McGoohan, Shamble solves a host of bizarre mysteries...Dan Shamble puts the P.I. back into R.I.P.

Tod Donavon (59), Las Madres Police Department, has detected something horribly wrong with his ex-wife, and it just might have something to do with the thrill-kill cult he's investigating. And possibly his frequent blackouts. If only Internal Affairs would quit chewing his ring, he could finally get some work done and maybe even find some of these missing kids. Someone's not doing their job, but if he's left alone to do his, there won't be any work left, nor anyone to do it.

After a terrible prank gone wrong, three young men, Topher, Michael, and Kenneth find themselves at Raleigh's Prep, a juvenile detention center for the delinquent children of the fantastically rich. Basically, juvie for rich kids. The boys think they're going to serve out their time, finish their education, but then, three weeks into their term, they find a mangled body on the practice fields.

Everybody hates their homeowner’s association, and nobody likes a zombie apocalypse. Put the two together, and Withrow Surrett is having a truly craptastic night. Not to mention the fact that he’s got one big secret to keep from the idiots in his home - Withrow is a vampire.

Spring Etienne is a pretty, charming 15-year-old psychopath who will do anything to bring herself out of poverty - including seducing a lonely older man. Hank is indeed a lonely older man - but he is also an incubus who feeds on the dreams of his victims. Together, they form a bizarrely functional, darkly comedic couple. When a murder forces the couple to flee to Hank's homeland in Germany, they are drawn deep into the world of the incubi - a world where Spring fits in very, very well.

Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the 21st century.

This is the story of a drug deal gone bad. Having committed the crime of selling a potent poison to a desperate youth, a destitute apothecary must decide how to spend his ill-gained fortune. Resolving to start his career afresh, he flees to the city of Verona to set up a new shop of medicinal healing and alchemical discovery. Plans go awry when he finds himself in the middle of a woeful tragedy he had unwittingly helped to cause.

Reanimate yourself for success with advice on life, love, and work from the undead!