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Beautiful Chaos

Written by: Devon McCormack, Riley Hart
Narrated by: Michael Dean
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Publisher's Summary

Silas

My home is my sanctuary. Or is it my prison? Some days it's hard to tell.

I've confined myself behind these walls for protection. I have my reasons, but that doesn't change the profound loneliness I've discovered in the process.

Then one day I find myself drifting toward the window to see him. Corey Marshall, my new neighbor. Quiet, reserved, and cute as can be. He infects my thoughts, becomes the image I fantasize about.

I want to taste his lips, smell his scent...feel what it's like to be inside him.

And soon, watching becomes exchanging gifts and messages, which becomes so much more.

It's wrong to want this as badly as I do, but I can't help myself. I crave him so desperately. It's hard to tell if what we're doing is going to make me lose my mind or change my entire world, but it's too late to turn back now....

Corey

I've never been quite right. Too high or too low. Pain is my constant companion...at the hands of my abusive ex, and often from myself. The sweet relief is only temporary, but in those moments, it's like I can finally breathe.

Then I meet him. Silas Rizner calms the chaotic storms inside me. He makes me feel loved, treasured, even when I don't deserve it. I cherish the moments we share - cooking, cuddling, and when Silas reads to me until I fall asleep. When he's inside me, it's the only time in my life I've ever felt complete.

Silas becomes the glue that holds me together, that bandages my scars. Inside the walls of his home, we're almost safe, but our demons are always there, waiting to break free.

We're a mess. We're broken, chaotic, beautiful; we're in love. 

But not even love can slay our monsters. No, only we can do that.

Unless our monsters destroy us first.

TRIGGERS: Self-harm, depression, anxiety, mentions of past domestic violence.

*While the sexual situations depicted in Beautiful Chaos are imperative to the characters' development throughout the course of the novel, listeners are advised to hear the "Dear Reader" letter at the beginning of the book to help them make an informed decision about whether this particular story will be to their tastes.

©2018 Devon McCormack, Riley Hart (P)2018 Devon McCormack, Riley Hart
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Categories: LGBTQ2S+

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DEFINITELY NOT for the faint of heart

I managed to get through the whole book take heed the warning they give about the subject matter being intense...because it is.... if you have a good therapist to talk with afterwards it would definitely help
this particular book could traumatize you... if you are not careful

Rick Vancouver BC Canada

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It's no fairy tale. It's painfully realistic.

To be honest, when I picked this book, I was looking for an escape. But this story is no fairy tale. It's painfully realistic. My heart broke and I'm in tears as I'm typing this. I don't think the long separation towards the end is necessary. And I'm extremely disappointed that they couldn't share the healing process together and they have to temporarily break up and go their own way. It was gut wrenching. The three month break-up in the end abruptly disrupted the natural progression of their relationship. The intimacy, innocence, and venerability were gone after Corey came back. After three month residential treatment, Corey was not only "cured" but also hardened. The emotional connection between them was gone. Corey saw not only his self-harming tendencies but also his previous dependency towards Silas as unhealthy. He started emotionally withdrawing himself from the relationship. The story started with a loving couple who found each other in the darkest moment of their lives. They found comfort and strength from each other. It ended with two strong independent individual. It's such a shame.

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