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Come as You Are

The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
Written by: Emily Nagoski
Narrated by: Emily Nagoski
Length: 11 hrs and 53 mins
4.7 out of 5 stars (237 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works - based on groundbreaking research and brain science - that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist - but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all....

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your My Library section along with the audio.

©2015 Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. All rights reserved. (P)2015 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

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What listeners say about Come as You Are

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    3 out of 5 stars

Platitudes with lots of excitement

Excited on the verge of maniacal tone of narration, but very little substance in the end. The author can’t seem to make a point without promising you to reveal all the secrets “in the next chapter” over and over again. Didn’t work on me, sorry. Waste of credit.

7 people found this helpful

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A must-read for women

I've had libido issues ever since a terrible heart break/betrayal by an ex. it's been 2 years. I've felt broken. This blessing of a book didn't make it the way it used to be, but it did something more important: it made me feel better about myself. it made me feel like I wasn't broken - and I'm not, none of us are. It gave me advice to help it improve and therefore improve my sex life. It informed me on women's anatomy, sexuality, and how it's affected by the people and messages around me. I truly think it's helped improved my Outlook on my sexuality and lack of it - and how to be OK with however it is.

3 people found this helpful

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I recommended this book to every woman I know.

This book changed me. I'm not sure what else to say that can adequately describe this book! It is such an important message for women, and helps us on our way to liberation.

1 person found this helpful

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eye opening!

Wnderful listen, tons of great info , great writing tied together beautiful! loved it so much.

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WOW!!!

This book is the best female sex education book in existence, ever! I love it!

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Really good!

This book really normalizes your sexuality in all its uniqueness. As a counsellor, I also really appreciated all the psycho-education on feelings and feelings about feelings and how much this all connects to our sexuality and sexual relationships. And as someone who did not get a great sex education growing up, this was really informative and a book I wish I had read early on!

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Thank you Emily!

Such a great, reassuring, informative, metaphor-rich, relatable, and enlightening book. I Highly recommend it.

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  • Bee
  • 2020-05-25

Very uplifting and inspirational

I love the power and confidence this book gave me. In and out of the bedroom. Well read with many relatable stories and awesome reference PDFs. Would highly recommend.

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Life-changing!

A book that everyone should read. About self-acceptance in relationships. Completely changed my understanding of my own sexuality!

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SO GOOD I BOUGHT THE HARDCOVER

This book is so beautifully written and narrated. Although it is primarily about cis-female sexuality, I would highly recommend it to anyone.

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  • Jason Largent
  • 2017-01-27

Awesome book Very informative and enlightening

Full disclosure: I'm a guy...

That said; this book is great. It really helped me to understand and rethink how my partners mind and body may feel and react to stimuli... contrary to what I previously "assumed" or was fought.

thank you Emily Nagoski for putting this out there.

32 people found this helpful

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  • Ville Walveranta
  • 2016-01-23

More interesting than I thought

Would you listen to Come as You Are again? Why?

Probably not all the way through (I bookmarked few spots thought); there were handful of very interesting concepts, which I have now absorbed.

Any additional comments?

As I started listening to this book I thought: "Oh, this is a book for women" (I'm male), but decided to continue listening, and I'm glad I did. Yes, it is primarily written for women, but there were several general concepts about human sexuality (which are also applicable to men) I was unaware of. And, being a straight guy, it was good to learn about some some central factors in female sexuality, too. :-) Arousal nonconcordance, the dual control model, the extent of the effect of the context, what Emily refers to as "the little monitors" (maybe not a scientific term?), and the criterion velocity were all partially or entirely new information to me. It's always interesting to learn how there are various systems in the human body that have been mapped out and understood to this extent. Yes, it was definitely worth a listen; I'd say this is one of those books that would make a big difference in many people's lives if everyone would read it at around the age of 20.

22 people found this helpful

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  • ksc0967
  • 2017-05-17

EVERY woman should read/listen to this book!

... and then share it with every other woman in her life. Emily takes science & makes it make sense in an articulate, compassionate, humorous way. I plan to get a hard copy & do lots & lots of highlights & notes. As a survivor of childhood incestuous sexual abuse I can recommend this book as a great way to start dispelling the myths & erroneous self-talk inherent to that history. I wish I'd had this book 30 years ago!!!

13 people found this helpful

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  • Kendra Holliday
  • 2016-01-31

Positive, Encouraging, Exciting

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

As a sex educator, I encounter many couples with mismatched libido and women who feel like they are "broken." This book taught me SOOO many new concepts I am eager to share! It is easy to understand, eye opening, based on science, and encouraging. ALL women should read it, and all men should, too! We need to come to a common understanding of how society skews male and female sexuality. We all have the same parts, they're just organized in different ways and women have to deal with so many challenges.

Who was your favorite character and why?

The author Emily reads the audio version and lends such a positive, upbeat attitude to the learning process. You can visualize the smile on her face as she shares insight. Very comforting and pleasant.

What does Emily Nagoski bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

I ended up buying a paperback version so I could mark it up - there were so many key points I wanted to remember. I kept rewinding and listening again. Invaluable info.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

If someone listens carefully to this book, it can change their life. It can help them accept who they are, which is key to being comfortable with your sexuality.

Any additional comments?

This book can change lives for the better. So sympathetic, helpful, comprehensive, positive. I'm so impressed with the information shared.

41 people found this helpful

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  • Julia
  • 2018-10-23

Very repetitive

She repeats herself so much, I couldn’t even finish the book. I grew so tired and annoyed listening to the same things over and over. Save yourself the time and credit.

8 people found this helpful

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  • Hillarie Jill Gowers
  • 2015-06-10

Please stop what you are doing and read this book.

Every one should read this book. I know it is geared towards women, but really anyone who has a vulva or is interested in spending time with one should read it.

29 people found this helpful

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  • Corey c
  • 2016-02-23

loved it, and I'm a dude

Although I could do without the subtle "evil men" undermining (not all men suppress women), I do empathize with the mindset. but overall, I loved the myth busting, highly positive and optimistic attitude, and the narrator's voice was a delight.

highly recommend to everyone curious to know more about women and what might be going on in their head.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Aaron
  • 2015-08-01

very educational!

As a man who has always been fascinated by the fairer sex, I absolutely loved this audio book. It's a treasure trove of information that I had never heard before, and how it's explained is easy to understand. The performance was very well done as well. 10/10 and I might just have to buy the hard copy as well

19 people found this helpful

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  • Little.mama.bear
  • 2018-05-08

Not what I was looking for

All about female empowerment- informative but very repetitive Just not quite what I was looking for

11 people found this helpful

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  • Client d'Amazon
  • 2019-05-06

Fantastic if a little repetitive

I just want to start by saying that it is ABSOLUTELY essential listening/reading for any person (woman, men and every other gender in between) and provides fantastic insight into improving how I feel about my own sexuality. I learned the importance of patience, mindfulness, and paying attention to my sexual brakes and accelerators. The one thing that prevents me from giving this a full 5 stars is that a lot of the information can get redundant, I feel like I might have heard "You are normal and beautiful" at least a million times. In a certain sense I get why Emily Nagowski wanted to really stress this for all the women reading the book (since not all women are clear on that) but after a while it somewhat felt like filler. I also wasn't a fan of some of the terms she used to simplify certain concepts like "feeling feels" or "tl;dr". Personally I felt like it "dumbed down" some concepts which were perfectly understandable and interesting, without the need for some already outdated internet slang. Although I definitely consider that as more of a nit-pick in my own personal experience than a deal breaker for most readers.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Isabel Martins
  • 2018-08-27

Amazing and life changing!

This book is a gem, filled with information that all women and girls should be taught about themselves from the get go. Until we reach that new education (r)evolution, this book is it! Amazing, healing and life changing!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Jessica B.
  • 2020-02-10

Loved it

Loved hearing Emily reading her own book. Simple, accessible read and yet full of interesting facts.

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  • David
  • 2017-08-25

using pseudo science

using pseudo science to legitimate her point of view. But that's my point of view.
Kd